IRENE ZION is a painter and frame-maker, mother of five, and former childhood playmate of the actor Michael Douglas (well, she took a cruise with him when she was a girl).


She lives in Miami Beach, a pleasant locale except when the temperature is low and female flashers display their wares on escalators.


She often writes about her family, the Zions, who are more interesting than your family, because they have funnier text exchanges.  This group includes Sara, who used to eat weird things; her Mercurial son (she can’t recall which); and the dearly-departed-but-never-forgotten Margot.


She and her husband, the sleep-deprived Victor, are world travelers.  They have been to Dubai, New Orleans, Chicago, Zimbabwe, and a long long road trip.


Once time, she fell and broke her ribs.  This was right before she attended a Fuckerware party, although the two are unrelated.


Oh, and you’re probably completely unaware of this, but Irene is also Lenore‘s mom.



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53 responses to “Featuring…Irene Zion”

  1. Gloria says:

    Irene is Lenore’s mom? I thought Lenore was sprung from the head of Zeuss?

    Not that Irene isn’t a goddess…

    • Irene Zion says:

      Gloria,
      Lenore sprung from my head and it really, really hurt!

      • Gloria says:

        I should point out that Zeus only has one S, but I’m only good at editing other people’s mistakes.

        • Irene Zion says:

          We have that in common, Gloria.
          Why is it so easy to see typos in what you read if you haven’t written it?

        • Uche Ogbuji says:

          Gloria, I just figured you meant the character from Ice Cube’s _Friday_ 😀

          Dr. ZEUSS!

          Dr. Zeuss!

        • Gloria says:

          Are you suggesting, Uche, that you assumed I was saying that Lenore is the offspring of the big, mean, wall-eyed bully in a movie about potheads? I can see how you’d think that. 🙂

        • Irene Zion says:

          Gloria,
          @Uche is magical.
          He can do things with computers that you and I cannot even dream up.
          Plus, he’s way cuter than scary Dr. Zeuss.

  2. Ronlyn Domingue says:

    Yay Irene!!!!

  3. ben says:

    Irene isn’t Lenore’s mom. Lenore just tells that to strange men in the hopes it will impress them.

  4. susan gomez says:

    You go girl! Keep Irene wierd!!! I think you’re so much fun; I’d love a second shot at getting to know you.
    Your classmate (where did Michael Douglas come in…Packer? NYU?) All I ever knew was Douglas Crawford (habitual liar), Alan Gaudio (boring) and of course the infamous Victor Diez-Canseco…and your husband a tiny bit.

    • Irene Zion says:

      Susan,

      If you click on the colored parts, they lead to the stories.
      So If you want to read about Michael Douglas, you click on his name.
      All the colored parts are links to different stories.

  5. Melissa (Irene's friend) says:

    You go girl….person of the week and published in an art magazine. Do not forget the little people on your way up. Mazel Tov.

  6. Irene Zion says:

    HA! You’re adorable, Melissa!
    Thank you!

  7. TheProphet says:

    Irene! sfrogtbm th brftg imopidfgt okdf.
    I don’t know what I worte but it’s good.

    • Irene Zion says:

      Thank you, TheProphet!
      You are very kind.
      I like things to be written to me that are good, whether or not I comprehend them.

  8. Bond, James Bond says:

    I love you and all your spawn !

  9. Marcia, still in Illinois says:

    Congratulations! Watch out for the paparazzi!!!

  10. Kat says:

    I’m as puffy proud as any Big Sister can be!!!!!!!!

    • Irene Zion says:

      Kat,
      I totally forgot that you were my “Big Sister” way back when!
      How could I have forgotten that, when I remember saying to you as we passed each other in the hall:
      “Two crosses ship in the night!”
      Never did speak normally, did I?

  11. Richard Cox says:

    Welcome to Irene Zion, TNB’s depilatory expert.

    • Irene Zion says:

      Richard Cox,
      If there is one thing for which I want to be remembered, it’s as TNB’s depilatory expert!
      Absolutely.
      Without a doubt.

  12. Hooray for Irene my adoptive other mom!

  13. this makes me indescribably happy!

  14. Ruthie says:

    Wow! So cool. But you are so much prettier than pictured. Paint another with your nice smile.

    • Irene Zion says:

      I don’t actually remember how anyone got this picture, Ruthie.
      It’s a self-portrait from a particularly bad time, long gone, thank God!

  15. ksw says:

    big deal. i got to meet soupie sales once.

  16. Don Mitchell says:

    I always thought that our Irene has a wider range of abilities and talents than any of us, and a quick trip back through her postings proves it.

    Go Irene!

  17. “Irene Zion (Lenore’s mom)” is one of the things that made me want to be a TNBer.

    Person of the week, indeed. Person of the year!

  18. Irene Zion says:

    Will you marry me, Gina?

  19. jmblaine says:

    Yeah.

  20. Joe Daly says:

    Rock on, Irene!!

    • Irene Zion says:

      ∷⊚⊃
      (That’s me, Joe, rockin’ with my walker and my bifocals and oxygen mask.)
      (You have to use your imagination, they won’t let me draw here….)

  21. Judy Prince says:

    I love all those stories you wrote, Irene—-my fave being the Fuckerware Party. No—no—-it’s the latest one about the trolley woman flashing Victor. Oh, no……wait—–I love them all! I love you and Victor and your raggedy spawn-pack, too!

    Oh TNB Queen, I bow to your wit and compassion. Bless you and thank you, over and over and over again.

  22. Irene Zion says:

    Judy,
    You’re obviously high from proximity to Rodent, but it’s very good for my ego, so don’t move.
    Thanx.

    • Judy Prince says:

      Trust me, Irene, your very healthy ego is what’s giving us our wonderful TNB Queen and her writings!

      Indeed, I love dear Rodent, but …. “proximity”, just now not so much, as he lugs and tugs huge tables up the stairs, puts together Ikea bookshelving, empties dozens of boxes of books and pots and pans and cutlery. And I sit with a new-caught cold, sore throat, fuzzy brain and furry tongue, but most assuredly content to be with Rodent in our home.

  23. Irene Zion says:

    Chicken soup, Judy,
    lots of chicken soup!

    Did you write your feline story on the plane?

  24. Jessica Blau says:

    I love everything that comes out of Irene: her paintings (amazing!), her stories, her great sense of humor and obvious love for everything and everyone around her!

  25. Irene Zion says:

    Well, Jesssica Anya,

    Now I’m so puffed up about myself that I’m heading straight to Hollywood to make it big!
    (I just have to finish with this court-assigned anger-management thing….)

  26. Lisa B. says:

    Lovely!

  27. Irene Zion says:

    Why thank you, Lisa B.

    I’ll see you at the poetry reading!

  28. Irene! Your paintings mesmerize and haunt and your stories enthrall. And, of course, you are funnier than hell. I look forward to finally meeting in person. All the best! Litsa

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