Harold Camping says the world should be over by now, a story first reported on these pages by TNB’s own Erika Rae.  On Saturday, May 21, the old prune assured us, there will be fire and brimstone…real wrath-of-God-type stuff. Never mind that Camping is 89 years old and clearly suffering from dementia, as he seems to have forgotten that he already predicted the end of the world in 1994.

Anyway, as there was a good chance that Armageddon was upon us, I didn’t want to screw one of our featured contributors out of a full week in the spotlight.  I figured I’d just look for stuff about the end of the world, like this humorous piece by Slade Ham, about his lackluster survival skills, or this more circumspect gem from Ronlyn Domingue.

I looked for pieces tagged “regret.”  Clearly we TNBers aren’t big with that particular emotion, because the only post I found was this one by Rachel Pollon, who is bummed that she never listened to Tony Bennett while stoned (Rachel, if Camping’s wrong, there’s still time!).

I also found a bunch of interesting pieces about faith not being stupid, and God having both womb and a vagina, and a great one by Steve Sparshott on zombie apocalypse misconceptions.

The truth is, we don’t know what will happen when we go — not even if we’re seasoned prophets like Camping — and therein lies the beauty, as Richard Cox so eloquently states.

But it’s all moot, because we’re alive, and wow do those billboards look stupid.

The Nervous Breakdown is an online culture magazine and literary community. It was founded in 2006. Our masthead can be found here.

9 responses to “The Rapture Will Not Be Televised”

  1. Erika Rae says:

    But wait! Day’s not over yet… THERE WAS A GOLD SEAL!!!!

  2. Rachel Pollon says:

    I haven’t seen it with my own two eyes but a friend just reported that Camping says another round of apocalyptic activity will be coming on October 21st… which is my birthday. Now it’s personal. Get freaky on your own time, old man, but do not screw with my birthday!

    • Greg Olear says:

      I think what he’s seeing is his own death, which has to be coming soon, judging by the photos I’ve seen of him.

    • Don Mitchell says:

      For all his numerological mumbo-jumbo, Camping is very ahistorical. How can he not know that Archbishop Ussher dated the creation of the world to 4004 BC, and John Lightfoot took it further and worked out that it had been 9 AM on October 23rd? This was all done from the bible.

      If I were Camping, I’d hitch my . . . ah, my what? . . . to the 23rd. Much richer, historically.

  3. Quenby Moone says:

    I’m going Camping in a week. Maybe that’s the connection.

    Because God knows that we all thought hell would freeze over before that would ever happen again!

  4. dwoz says:

    I was discussing the rapture with a rather astute friend of mine.

    We came to a similar conclusion, though his was far starker than mine.

    Mathematically, I demonstrated that the Rapture would be statistically invisible, since only approximately 144,000 souls would be raised.

    …that is, since 2000 years ago.

    By my extremely conservative and kind-to-the-present-and-the-USA assumptions, I realized that fewer than one living soul per hospital would be leaving us today.

    He was dismissive of that number.

    “more men have walked on the moon, than the number of living souls that will be raptured.” he said.

    I had to admit, he had a point.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *