Please explain what just happened.
I’ve been trying to figure that out for years.
What is your earliest memory?
Looking at my brother’s tricycle on top of our very steep driveway and thinking, “If he can do it, I can do it.” What I don’t remember, though, is getting on the tricycle, flying down the driveway and ending up in the hospital with a bunch of stitches in my forehead.
If you weren’t an artist, what other profession would you choose?
Something really smart sounding that involves traveling. Like some sort of UN ambassador or secret agent. Except they’d never hire me, so I’d probably end up in the back of a mail room sorting mail my whole life like Bukowski or something.
Please describe the current contents of your refrigerator.
Hmmm. Do I have to?
Is there a time you wish you’d lied?
Plenty. Usually right after the truth hurts someone’s feelings… I hate that, but I know it’s better than lying….blah.
What would you say to yourself if you could go back in time and have a conversation with yourself at age thirteen?
Your breasts will turn out just fine, don’t worry.
If you could have only one album to get you through a breakup, what would it be?
Ani DiFranco, Dilate.
What are three websites—other than your email—that you check on a daily basis?
From what or whom do you derive your greatest inspiration?
I like nature. And Andy Goldsworthy.
Name a book that changed your life.
There’s been so many… really, just one? Lighthousekeeping, Jeannette Winterson.
If you could relive one moment over and over again, what would it be?
The moment I realized I don’t have to do what people tell me to do.
How are you six degrees from Kevin Bacon?
I don’t know, but a couple of weeks ago at a show in Houston I was hanging out with Shakira’s road crew, does that count?
What makes you feel most guilty?
When I stole that lollipop from the grocery store in 5th grade. I even brought it back after I ate half of it, but I still feel guilty.
What would you most like to have invented?
What is the worst piece of advice you’ve ever gotten?
Get a job.
What is the best advice you’ve ever given to someone else?
Your happiness is not anyone else’s job, it’s yours.
What do you consider the harshest kind of betrayal?
When someone tells me their name is Bill but really it’s William.
Of all the game shows that have graced our TV screens throughout history, which one would you want to be a contestant on and why?
I don’t really watch a lot of TV and I haven’t owned one in over a decade but I think The Price is Right so I could spin that big wheel.
What do you want to know?
Everything. Including what I invented that one night on the roof with Anthony after drinking copious amounts of alcohol. It was seriously brilliant, he thinks it had to do with third nipples and time travel, but I think it was something that involved Helium 3, the Moon and Tom Waits.
What would you like your last words to be?
Please explain what will happen.
I don’t wanna know! That’s the exciting part!!!