Long Beach, California.
Out on the ocean on a small boat that can only hold twelve of us, we put my grandmother’s ashes in the ocean.
Speakers on the boat play music.
Cat Stevens, “Don’t Be Shy”.
It’s strange to see my grandmother in this new form.
And there are flower petals that float around her.
And the waves created by the boat spread the petals farther and farther away but there are some petals that cling to the ash.
And then Tom Jones sings “She’s a Lady”.
And my grandfather almost falls out of the boat and when he regains his balance he says, “We almost had a double feature.”
And then a few hours later, my parents and my sister and Ashleigh drive me from Long Beach to Los Angeles so that I can be interviewed by a man named Brad who interviews writers in a nice garage.
I’m going to talk about a book of poems I wrote a year ago when I was suicidal and heartbroken.
I’m fine now, but no one is fine forever, so I’ll be sad again.
I’ll be suicidal again.
And then I’ll be happy again.
And one day I’ll die.
And maybe I’ll be happy when I die.
Or maybe I’ll be sad.
But either way, I’ll die.
I won’t live forever.
And then I’ll be dead.
And that’s okay.