Please explain what just happened.
There was a Big Bang, Elvis died, and then Obama tripled the deficit.
What is your earliest memory?
My ears scraping across a birth canal.
If you weren’t an actor/writer/director/producer, what other profession would you choose?
One that pays.
Describe a typical workday.
Wake up in the morning. Go to set, save the world, kill the bad guy, kiss the girl. Go home and watch Leno.
Is there a time you wish you’d lied?
When my ex-fiance said, “Does my ass look big in this?”
What would you say to yourself if you could go back in time and have a conversation with yourself at age thirteen?
“Don’t turn out like you.”
If you could have only one album to get you through a breakup, what would it be?
An Evening with Mike Nichols and Elaine May.
What are three websites—other than your email—that you check on a daily basis?
My Pet Skeleton, dennisprager.com, Wonder How To.
From what or whom do you derive your greatest inspiration?
Abraham Lincoln and Rebecca Black’s Friday.
Name three books that have impacted your life.
Dennis Prager’s Think a Second Time.
Marcus Lutrell’s Sole Survivor.
National Geographic’s Naked Pygmies of the Sahara.
If you could relive one moment over and over again, what would it be?
The day I first discovered my wiener.
How are you six degrees from Kevin Bacon?
I worked with Charles Durning, who worked with Al Pacino, who worked with Kevin Spacey, who worked with Guy Pierce, who once ate 2 eggs over easy, some toast and a side of Kevin Bacon.
What makes you feel most guilty?
Confessing to the police that I had hidden a dead body under my mattress. But not telling them that I’d cut off the ‘Do Not Remove’ tag.
How do you incorporate the work of other artists into your own?
I steal it.
Please explain the motivation/inspiration behind FALLING SKIES.
What is the best advice you’ve ever given to someone else?
Ask for people’s help, not their permission.
List your favorite in the following categories: Comedian, Musician, Author, Actor.
Marx Brothers, Joe Bonamassa, Victor Frankl, Gene Hackman.
If you had complete creative license and an unlimited budget, what would your next project be?
Mohammed – The Musical.
What do you want to know?
How to concentrate orange juice? Specifically, how do you take away the water, but leave the flavor? I mean, isn’t the flavor attached to the water?
What would you like your last words to be?
I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit.
Please explain what will happen.
People will continue to write history, without ever having read it.