In case the tiara hasn’t conveyed it, I’m not exactly the sporty type.In fact, the extent of my non-sportiness was the subject of my story that appeared in Stymie Journal of Sports and Literature and ESPN the Magazine for sporty types who needed a good laugh.Let me quote a close friend upon learning of its inclusion in ESPN in particular:“…. What?”Indeed. My name in its pages was so miraculous, I framed the cover featuring Roger Federer.He plays tennis. (According to Wikipedia.)
Nonetheless, despite my history of catching baseballs with my forehead (and I’m talking grounders), I have been sporty of late.Specifically, my toddler has recently decided that I must walk all around our neighborhood while pulling her in a little red wagon.That I consider walking with a wagon a sport really says it all, doesn’t it? Let me quote my big sister: “I’m so proud of you for being outdoors!”
But walking is really hard. So for extra motivation I came up with a playlist to listen to as I walk that conjures more strutting in skinny black ties and less schlepping of a wagon crammed with stuffed animals and a toddler leaving a trail of Apple Jacks.And because my list is short and the walking is oh so endless (mon dieu!), I’m hoping you’ll be so kind as to add to my playlist.
Movie: Reservoir Dogs
Song: “Little Green Bag” by George Baker Selection
You know what I’m doing right now?My Snoopy happy dance.That’s how excited I am to present to you the Picasso of badass walking right from the get go. Love him or hate him, you have to admit the opening title sequence to Tarantino’s Reservoir Dogs makes walking look like the most badass activity you could possibly engage in.
Movie:In the Name of the Father
Song:“Dedicated Follower of Fashion” by The Kinks
Okay, this movie may not be known for badassery, but here’s a pimped out Daniel Day Lewis walking in a Sherpa rug.Case closed.
Song: “Gloria” by Them
Someday, maybe I’ll tell you more about my worrisome, youthful Outsiders obsession, but today I’ll just tell you that leather jackets were made for badass walking.
Movie: Mean Girls
Song: “Pass That Dutch” by Missy Elliott
You know what’s badass?Slow-motion walking.In a hallway.In a teen movie.I almost put Edward’s slow-mo walk from Twilight in here, but he can’t possible out-sparkle the Plastics.
Oh, what the hell.
Movie: Twilight: New Moon
Song: “Monsters” by Hurricane Bells
Movie: Kill Bill, Vol. 1
Song: “Battle Without Honor or Humanity” by Tomoyasu Hotei
I’ve long thought that the only thing missing from Reservoir Dogs was some badass walking women.I mean, couldn’t there have been a Ms. Burnt Sienna or something in there somewhere?Cutting off ears and such with the swiftness of any of the boys?But alas there is now O-Ren Ishii and her Crazy 88s of Kill Bill walking en masse to sort of make up for it.That look on Lucy Liu’s face, anyway, says, “Bad.Ass.”
Song: “Hard Times” by Baby Huey and the Baby Sitters
Movie: Dazed and Confused
Song: “Hurricane” by Bob Dylan
If I have to narrow it down to one reason why I can’t take Matthew McConaughey seriously, I might say it’s because I will forever see him as the cigarettes-rolled-up-in-his-sleeve, tight-pants-wearing Wooderson drawling, “I lurrrv the red heads” in Richard Linklater’s Dazed and Confused.He is Wooderson to me, and Wooderson is as skeezy as his chin fuzz. Even so, here’s Wooderson’s iconic slithering strut parting the doors of the Emporium pool hall.
Movie: Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion
Song: “Blood and Roses” by The Smithereens
This one is a mere blip, if that, in the annals of cinematic badass walking, but, hey, short walks are okay by me.It’s the scene in which Janeane Garofalo as Heather Mooney hustles outdoors to smoke a cigarette behind her high school.That she does so to the Smithereens makes it one brief, badass hustle.
Movie: Jackie Brown
Song:“Across 110th Street” by Bobbie Womack
I tried to limit myself to just two Tarantino badass walking scenes (how did anyone manage to badass walk anywhere before Tarantino came along?), but this is just precisely my kind of badass walking.It’s Pam Grier’s Jackie Brown in the opening scene kicking off her badass walking by standing on a conveyer belt for most of the sequence.“Walking” without walking.Booyah!That’s what I’m talking about.Jetson’s badass walking.