I have stolen the keys to the TNB blog and am now going to take it for a spin. I may get booted off TNB for doing so, but before I’m found out, I thought I’d show some pictures of me hanging out with various TNB contributors, just to brag about the fact that I personally know them and stuff.

Let’s start with last Christmas. I hope everyone out there had a nice Christmas. I almost didn’t, except that Reno Romero came to town with his friend Christy, who’s got the greatest laugh I ever heard; and on Christmas Eve, we got together at the famous Hollywood restaurant Musso & Frank, along with Rich Ferguson and Lenore Zion. We were the last customers to leave Musso & Frank, but everybody there loved us, including the management, and the people at the next table loved us so much, they insisted on moving to ours.

The following night, Christmas, we got together for Indian food, and afterward we went to a snooty-looking French place, which had the most beautiful waitress I’ve ever seen. I think I creeped her out a bit, staring as I couldn’t help but do. Here’s Lenore offering comfort.

I’m not sure if Lenore will approve of this next shot. It was taken after the first Los Angeles TNB event (that’s The Nervous Breakdown Literary Experience, to be specific), and with me and Lenore are Ben Loory and Megan DiLullo. We ate a lot of french fries that night, and some of us—no names will be mentioned—got roaring drunk.

Here’s another shot of me and Megan. As you can see, she’s wearing Lenore’s TNB-famous rainbow gloves, and I’m wearing a scowl. I’m not sure why, except that I’m always a little freaked by cameras.

Nick Belardes was supposed to drive up to L.A. for that event, but he couldn’t make it. However, last month, I took a Greyhound to Bakersfield as a guest at Nick’s Random Writers Workshop. Nick wrote a piece about that visit. I arrived two and a half hours late, due to the rain. Contrary to stereotype, we do have weather in Southern California.

I had to take a bus to Bakersfield, since my car died last September, when Zara Potts was visiting from New Zealand and Simon Smithson was visiting from Australia. In fact, they were in the car when it pulled its Sylvia Plath, but neither of them has thankfully ever written about the tantrum I threw. I haven’t been able to replace the car, as I knew I wouldn’t at the time, which maybe accounts for my scowl in this photo, taken hours after the car fiasco. Zara, meantime, looks radiant, but then, she’d just eaten what she described as the best eggplant parmesan ever.

I’m sure Simon, on the other hand, would not describe the coffee he’s seen drinking below as the best coffee ever. I think you can tell his opinion of it—or maybe his expression owes to his proximity to me. Anyway, this picture was snapped shortly after our visit to Chateau Marmont, which he mentioned in a recent post. It certainly wasn’t taken at Chateau Marmont.

Now, I’m only posting the next photo to prove that I’ve met Matt Baldwin. I mean, I’ve certainly seen more flattering shots of myself, but hey, to hell with vanity, right? This was taken just up the street from Ben Loory’s place, after Simon and Zara ambushed him. He never expected to meet those two on the street in L.A.

Speaking of bad photos of myself, how about the one below? It was taken at Book Soup, the best-known independent bookstore in L.A. (or, technically, West Hollywood), where Greg Olear had arranged for me to read with him. Greg read from his novel, Totally Killer, and I read from mine, Banned for Life. It was a standing-room-only event, but most events are SRO at Book Soup; it’s a small place. Greg is a fantastic reader, incidentally, and if proof is required (though I can’t see why it would be), check out the podcast of the reading, which is filed somewhere under—you guessed it—“podcasts” on the TNB home page.

Finally, here’s me with Brad Listi, who may or may not kick me off the site after he sees that I’ve been joyriding at The Feed. This was after another reading, at a store in Echo Park called Stories. It’s been suggested to me that the titles of our books reflect our expressions, but I don’t think that’s fair to Brad, as I think it is to me. This is probably my least favorite shot of myself in the whole bunch, but it’s pretty good of Brad, don’t you think? Say yes, please. It may influence his thinking with regard to my future at TNB.

I’m returning the keys now. The problem with joyrides is, they’re so damned short.

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D. R. HANEY is the author of a novel, Banned for Life, and a nonfiction collection, Subversia, the inaugural publication of TNB Books. Known to friends as Duke, he lives in Los Angeles.

247 responses to “Duke Goes Joyriding”

  1. Greg Olear says:

    Brilliant! Thanks for including me.

  2. Gloria says:

    My goal for 2010 is to amass a similar photo album.

    This was really fun!

    🙂

  3. I’m so happy to be included in your Family Album. That so nice of you. As for the drunk part, I’m sure you were talking about someone else. And, just out of curiosity, is Ben taller than Simon?

  4. Becky says:

    Good God, this place is filled with unreasonably good-looking people.

    Is that normal for writers? I never thought of them that way.

    • D.R. Haney says:

      Well, you’re certainly an exceptionally good-looking tiger. But tigers are famous for their beauty.

      • Becky says:

        They are. If I were as hot as this tiger, this would be the only place I could hang out. I’d be mobbed anywhere else.

        • D.R. Haney says:

          But you’d have plenty of outstanding defenses.

        • Becky says:

          That’s also true. So many reasons why it would be better to be a tiger.

          Which is why I pretend.

        • Simon Smithson says:

          Hopefully I’m not coming across as self-obsessed by saying this (more so than usual, I mean). I was yesterday thinking of a short piece I’d written that needs some revising, in which the narrator says to himself: Just stay cool, baby. You’re a tiger. You’re a cool-staying tiger with a hot ass.

          Feel free to use it as required.

        • D.R. Haney says:

          Wait. Did you cut the line altogether or simply revise it? I don’t want to plagiarize.

          Meanwhile, I may soon adopt an animal gravatar, so that I, too, can pretend to have outstanding defenses.

        • Simon Smithson says:

          It’s simply been revised. But it’s OK. I figure I can give TNB types a lot of leeway on the licensing front.

        • D.R. Haney says:

          Your royalty rate is reasonable, is it? Well, then, okay. A great many people will henceforth be referred to as cool-staying tigers with hot asses.

        • Becky says:

          I’m going to change my name to “Hot Ass.”

        • D.R. Haney says:

          Well, okay. But there’s bound to be at least one stripper out there who’ll hit you with a cease-and-desist letter.

        • Becky says:

          Psh. Please. How’s she going to serve a tiger?

          Besides, I was thinking more like just around here.

          But on second thought, it seems stupid. So I’m not going to.

        • D.R. Haney says:

          All the strippers named Hot Ass, by themselves or customers or both, breathe a collective, relieved sigh.

        • Greg Olear says:

          Maybe we should rotate our Gravatars like we have to do with our FB pictures. This week can be animal week.

          There’s a photo of me at the beach from a few years ago, a long shot, almost a silhouette, and God damn if I don’t look like a fucking Emperor penguin. Waddle when I walk.

        • D.R. Haney says:

          Hey, I look like a glowworm, or some kind of larvae or something. Waddle? A larvae should be so lucky!

        • Becky says:

          I am currently amassing a small collection of large-cat gravatars that will express moods ranging from “I see what you did there,” to “Stabby Bloody Murder.”

          We’ll see if I have the patience to use them.

          This could be really fun or really, really stupid.

        • D.R. Haney says:

          Damn! You really did change your gravatar, Becky! I prefer this one, but then, I have a bias toward spotted cats, cheetahs in particular.

          Yes, I know this gravatar isn’t of a cheetah; and seeing that cheetahs “cry,” it’s hard to imagine you wearing the mask of one.

          I, on the other hand, being an overly sensitive type…

        • Becky says:

          I think I’m going to call this one the “lemme tell you somethin'” leopard. Or maybe the “Dude, check this out” leopard.

          I changed my other email to a snow leopard for over in Zara’s more serious post, but it doesn’t seem to appear yet. Still my old toothy tiger.

        • Becky says:

          Gah! Okay. Forgot to change that one.

          This is going to take some practice.

        • D.R. Haney says:

          I’ve got one leopard and one tiger here. Weird. Zara changed her gravatar yesterday, and I had to empty my cache to see the new one. I haven’t emptied it since, and I’m getting one past cat and another current.

          But seeing that all cats are ineffably beautiful, especially the big ones, no complaints.

        • Slade Ham says:

          I’ve now changed mine in honor of the theme.

        • Becky says:

          There are two separate ones because I’m toggling between two different emails so as not to change all representations at once.

          It’s actually all pretty complicated.

          I have a third one, but no one has inspired the “ZOMG! LOL!” kitten yet.

        • Richard Cox says:

          I like how the onus is on us to inspire Becky. And I’m sure the bar is high.

        • D.R. Haney says:

          Greg? Where are you when we need you?

          You don’t suppose we could somehow cause Uche to appear, do you? Only Simon has that power.

        • D.R. Haney says:

          Shit, Slade! Do I now have to empty my cache again?

          Well. If I must.

        • Richard Cox says:

          Is this like summoning a demon? A smart, non-evil demon, in this case?

        • D.R. Haney says:

          Well, higher intelligence has been seen as godlike, and since any human encroachment on the turf of gods can viewed as demonic usurpation — yes, I suppose a case could be made.

          But Becky will have the goods to correct me, hopefully in the guise of cheetah.

        • Becky says:

          This cache business is problematic.

          It ruins everything.

          I am currently displaying the cheetah of dejection, but you wouldn’t know that. Unless you cleared your cache. Again.

          My plan is foiled. *sigh*

        • D.R. Haney says:

          I cleared my cache, or I think I did, and yet I still see a leopard.

          I add my sigh to yours.

        • Anon says:

          Hm. Four minutes to the next meeting (what a frigging joke my “professional” life is) but what browser are you using? You should just need to delete Temporary Internet Files, then reload/refresh the page (usually Ctrl+R). Worked for me – and wished it hadn’t. That is one sad-looking cheetah!

          Crap. Three minutes.

        • D.R. Haney says:

          That minute delivered, Anon! Thanks! Now Slade is cleared of any charges of plagiarism. Becky’s cheetah and Slade’s aren’t the same.

        • Becky says:

          Hooray!!!!

          Behold the leopard cub of jubilation!

        • Becky says:

          Okay. Serious leopard thinks this is getting silly.

          I think I’m going to have compress all human emotion into 3 gravatars and let that be the end of it.

        • D.R. Haney says:

          I love the leopard cub. But if I empty my cache, will it disappear? I’m not sure how you’re managing to maintain more than one gravatar at the same time.

        • Becky says:

          No, it won’t disappear. You can assign different gravatars to different email addresses, which is what I have done here. If I want a different gravatar, I use the email address associated with the image I want.

          For this instructive post, for example, Professor Snow Leopard is most appropriate.

        • D.R. Haney says:

          Ah, Professor Snow Leopard is most wise. I should’ve guessed about the different email addresses.

        • Becky says:

          Kind of a pain to keep track of, though. I mean, what if Jubilant, LOLing Leopard Cub makes it into a post about the death of someone’s grandmother, and I suddenly become the heartless, sociopathic villain of TNB?

          Or.

          Wait.

        • D.R. Haney says:

          Well, many of us have happy-type gravatars, yes? Should we always change gravatars to accommodate the mood of a given piece?

          You raise vexing questions, Professor. (Notice that I was able to work in the v-word, to which you’ve recently reintroduced me.)

        • Becky says:

          Well, it poses certain problems, one of which is that any given post may contain more than one mood or emotional nuance.

          But at the same time, switching them up could function as a tone-setter for a post, in the way that emoticons indicate intentions for individual statements or sentences.

          I have to believe that, to some extent, gravatars imply something about the mood or general demeanor of an individual–that it has some effect on the way posts are received/perceived. I think we must think/know so when we choose them, right?

          Not sure what it says about me that I stubbornly use not-me pictures, even though most of the people I converse with around here (and some I don’t) know what I look like from facebook. There is a TNB-related story behind the large cat theme, but it is not very interesting, and it has gone from inside joke to stubborn habit.

        • Becky says:

          I may be taking this gravatar business slightly too seriously. Is it possible that gravatars affect the way we portray ourselves, as well? Professor Snow Leopard is kind of a buzzkill.

        • Zara Potts says:

          Can I add my vote for the Leopard cub of jubilation? Although I do like the gravitas of your current gravatar, Becky.

        • Becky says:

          HA!

          Punny FTW!

        • Zara Potts says:

          Oh there’s the cub again! Yay!

        • Becky says:

          But considering the tone of most of my comments, I’m afraid Jubilikitty will not be consistently appropriate.

          I really need to replace the Cheetah of dejection, I’m afraid. (Sorry Duke.) Please note it is also the Cheetah of contrition.

          I think that email will go back to the Tiger of tyranny, and then most of my moods should be pretty well covered.

        • Zara Potts says:

          I like this one too. Although he has a touch of the Cheetah of exasperation..

        • Becky says:

          Yes. I think *sigh*, in all its applications, is Cheetah’s tagline.

          This may also cover swooning? Maybe?

        • D.R. Haney says:

          I see the cheetah as being in a state of torpor, possibly caused by its captivity and a resulting existential crisis. Or maybe the existential crisis has been brought about for different reasons altogether. Maybe Professor Snow Leopard said something along the lines of “What is the sound of one paw clapping?” to the cheetah, which led to an intellectual labyrinth from which the cheetah has been unable to escape.

          Oh, and Becky, you’ve surely long since noticed the punny ways of Down Under — or, as Simon once referred to it, Down Punder.

          Any and all groans should be forwarded to Simon. I am but the messenger.

        • Becky says:

          This is where Tiger of Tyranny comes in to issue derisions and scare off any more gratuitous punniness. Except I don’t have him queued up yet.

          Are you saying this animal has looked into the abyss? Would you say that he’s a bit of a Nietzscheetah?

        • D.R. Haney says:

          Simon will be very proud of you. And, yes, I believe the cheetah is staring into the abyss even now — but is it staring back?

        • Becky says:

          Jubilikitty rejects your lukewarm reception!

          Best pun ever! I win all times! *dance dance dance*

        • D.R. Haney says:

          Wow. You’d sure make it hurt if you took the kitty in poker.

        • Becky says:

          I don’t know what that means, but if it’s some kind of challenge, I accept.

        • D.R. Haney says:

          I’m not sure what it means, either. I mainly just wanted to use the word “kitty.”

  5. The last line! I loved the last line!! It made me pause: Do you think we truly realize how short the joyride is or was? If so, wouldn’t that just suck out all the joy??? Here I am projecting my absolute fear of things ending… or maybe I should say more accurately– things about to come to an end that I desperately wish wouldn’t.

    • Greg Olear says:

      Well put, Robin. I had such a blast in LA, I did not want to leave. You might want to think about doing a reading there.

    • D.R. Haney says:

      Your comment, Robin, reminds me of these lines from a Rocky Votolato song I love, called “White Daisy Passing”:

      All those evenings on the back deck of our first apartment
      They meant everything but the wind just carried them off
      And you can’t go back now, just a passing moment gone

      Please slow it down
      There’s a secret magic past world
      That you only notice when you’re looking back at it
      And all I wanna do is turn around

      It’s a gorgeous song. Here’s a link to the video:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bopb0Rl4Fg8

  6. Quenby Moone says:

    No fair! I just got in the car! It can’t be over yet!

    Damnit. Always too late. I walk up after everyone’s already embracing and laughing about what an adventure they had. Bastards.

    No, really, I LOVE THIS POST! Even if it makes me jealous and a small person clamoring to have nice snapshots in my drawer of you wackos. I’ll just have to save my nickels up.

    • D.R. Haney says:

      Well, you know, QB, you can start your own photo album where you are, in Portland. We do have our people in Oregon, you know. And, hey, if I’m able to save a few nickels, maybe I can make up there at some point, or you and the husband and the heir to the throne can come down here. I know that Simon and Zara are planning a return engagement in June, if that provides any incentive.

  7. Zara Potts says:

    I LOVE that photo of you and Simon. The original is actually on my pinboard in my kitchen, so every morning when I make my coffee, it’s one of the first things I see.
    I have to agree with Becky, there are some uncommonly good looking writers on this site! Lenore looks so gorgeous in the top photo. Man, what a spunk.
    The joy ride was so much fun. Let’s take more. Many more. Let’s go!

  8. Thomas Wood says:

    Terrific update Duke. I’m only embarrassed that we didn’t get any shots when you were up in San Francisco. I’d have loved an image of your passionate reading, yelling appropriate.

    • D.R. Haney says:

      Thanks, man. I wish I had some shots of that drunk person I addressed at one point in the audience, so I could absolutely confirm that it was a man, as you said it was, and not the woman I took him to be.

      Say, did I ever tell you that I did for a fact get your girlfriend’s cold? It came on the next day, and if I’m right that I got it from her, it will have been the loveliest source of a cold ever.

  9. josie says:

    What a fun ride. Nice score with Lenore’s cleavage.

    I’m a little envious. You’ll never see me in a picture with any of the TNB crowd. I’m camera tragic. It’s not just the wide brimmed hat and the shaggy beard that blocks the shot it’s my thick callused palm glaring at the camera. But perhaps one day we’ll meet and I’ll take a picture of you to prove it.

    • D.R. Haney says:

      I hope your camera is insured before you take a picture of me. I tend to shatter lenses, lacking a shaggy beard and no hat with a wide enough brim. Meanwhile, I think it was Megan who scored the shot of Lenore’s cleavage. Megan seems to have perfected the MySpace self-portrait of old.

  10. Simon Smithson says:

    Once again, Ben, I am vaguely apologetic for chasing you down on the street and pretending to be American. At the time, it was hilarious.

    Duke, you’re right about the coffee. I can’t help it; I’m from Melbourne. We’re duty-bound to look down our noses at any coffee that doesn’t come from whatever our individual favourite cafe is. It’s bred into us – something in the water, maybe?

    • D.R. Haney says:

      The crocodiles, more than likely.

    • Don Mitchell says:

      Say, the worst ice cream I ever ate was in NSW — everywhere in NSW, and in Canberra, too. But that was a long time ago.

      Is it better now?

      • D.R. Haney says:

        Oh, sure. Brag about having been Down Under. Well, guess what, Mr. Been-to-Down Under, one day I’m going to go to Canberra and eat that terrible ice cream, and you know what? I’m going to hate it even more than you! Yeah, take that!

        • Zara Potts says:

          No, D. You can eat some of the amazingly good ice cream in NZ. Australian ice cream is arse.
          (Sorry, Simon.)

        • Don Mitchell says:

          Take the ice cream? No.

          I’ll have you know, though, that among the people I know, I was the fucking last person to go to Europe. I didn’t make it there until I was, let’s see, 55. Shameful, and no number of trips to Oz make up for it.

          I liked it, though, but not enough to go back. I’d go to Serbia, but I didn’t like the only Serbian I knew. See how open-minded I am?

          By the way, what’s with that very small third breast Lenore’s showing us? The middle one?

        • D.R. Haney says:

          I’m sure Lenore doesn’t appreciate the question about her tumor, Don. She even had it tattooed to try to disguise it, and then you…

          Man, that’s awful. I beg your forgiveness. I’m tired and I’ve been, like, deposed and shit. Meanwhile, the Serbs have their clunkers, same as everyone else, but even if that weren’t the case, Serbia is pretty far down on the list of must-visit locales for most. I ended up there by a fluke.

        • Don Mitchell says:

          Forgive what? Ne brini!*

          Being deposed must suck. I feel for you. I testified before a Grand Jury once, which was not fun.

          I was scheduled to go to Dubrovnik, I think in 1966, to do archaeology. But the gig fell through. Whoops, that’s Croatia.

          Get some sleep.

          *thanks, online English-Serbian dictionary.

        • D.R. Haney says:

          Yeah, Croatia’s a whole other deal, to say the least. But Dubrovnik is gorgeous, as is the entire Croatian coast.

          Were you trying to say you don’t understand, by the way? I’ve forgotten most of the Serbian I knew, but I think “I don’t understand” goes something like “nema razumesh.” That’s spelled phonetically, and based, again, on rusty memory. However, I do remember this very well: “Laku noc.” It means “good night.”

  11. Patty Wonderly says:

    Is it because you want to be recognized everywhere you go that you sport the same clothes? Your signature style? The dickies coat and beanie no matter what the occasion? How come occasion is so darned hard to spell? Anyway – glad you stole the keys and took a joyride! It was delightful to see your Random Writers trip made the cut.

    • D.R. Haney says:

      What can I say, Patty? I like uniforms. Also, when I like something of any kind, I tend to stick with it. This trait doesn’t serve me well in fashion, but I prefer to think it comes in handy in friendship.

  12. […] For more on Breakdown society, hitch a ride on Duke’s stolen car. […]

  13. Jeannie says:

    This is great! It’s always fun to see people in their element.

  14. Jeannie says:

    I’m sneaky that way. For the life of me I don’t know how Nick gets so many photo’s of me.

  15. Jeannie says:

    I think Josh took them. He was out to dinner with us and tagged me in a crap load of pictures from that too.

  16. Richard Cox says:

    Love the photos, Duke. Was it surreal to see the rainbow gloves in person?

    And are you smiling in photograph #2? Say it ain’t so, man…

    • D.R. Haney says:

      Well, the waitress was really beautiful, as stated in the post. And, you know, Lenore was leaning on my arm and all.

      • Richard Cox says:

        I suppose we can let it slide, then. Just this once.

        • D.R. Haney says:

          Got it, sir. I won’t be smiling again soon, since I’m about to lose my status as comment king.

          The king is dead! Long live the king!

        • Richard Cox says:

          The admin page says “Friday Bloody Friday” is #1. Is that right, or do you have older posts that aren’t listed? From older versions of the site?

        • D.R. Haney says:

          Well, I think “I Was a Child Porn Model” was read more than the “Friday” piece, and it set a record at the time for TNB comments, but it didn’t receive as many comments as “Friday.” But the readership for the “Porn” piece built slowly, on the basis of it being in the old most-commented box.

        • Greg Olear says:

          Settle down. I’m not going to break any comment records, and if I do, it will be because I talk about Duke in the piece. I may break the 300 barrier, though, as Richard predicted.

        • Richard Cox says:

          Everyone wants a lot of comments for their posts but no one is allowed to admit it. We ought to call this place TMB: The Modest Breakdown. 😉

        • Richard Cox says:

          Oh, and always go with your first guess. Ha.

        • josie says:

          I’m gonna name my protagonist Duke or maybe just go for it and name my book Haney. See if I can take some of this magic to the bestseller list with me . . .

          Will you pose for the cover, D.R.?

        • D.R. Haney says:

          I don’t know, Josie. I never produced any magic with book sales. I’m sure I’d do you more harm than good.

        • Richard Cox says:

          I don’t know where exactly to post this, but I’d like to point out this week seemed like a high-bar effort for TNB. Many, many excellent posts. Might have been the best collection of weekly work I’ve seen around these parts. Thoughts, anyone?

        • D.R. Haney says:

          There have indeed been a number of outstanding posts. I exclude this one. It’s not “official,” you know. It’s just a dopey giggle.

        • Richard Cox says:

          I don’t exclude it. I enjoyed seeing all those photos. “Literary magazine” should also mean occasional picture posts, so the less fortunate of us can get a better idea about what the more fortunate members look like, and what goes on at their TNB parties. Plus we all get to see Lenore’s boob shot. That counts for something, right?

        • Zara Potts says:

          I’m with Richrob. I enjoy seeing photos as well. Particularly if I’m in them. Heh.
          And yes, this does seem to have been an outrageously enjoyable week on TNB. But then, aren’t they all?

        • D.R. Haney says:

          I think more in terms of ups and downs in every instance. But, you know, I’m practically bipolar.

        • Zara Potts says:

          I have found that this week, I have shed quite a few tears over the posts, plus I’ve had some very big laughs. And there have been photos. I count that as a bloody splendid week.

        • D.R. Haney says:

          Well, I didn’t say it wasn’t. I was trying to say that some weeks are better than others, and this is one of them.

        • Greg Olear says:

          I agree with Richard. I think I wrote “this is your best piece ever” four or five times. A veritable cornucopia, this week was. And Duke, you’re being modest, as usual. This is a very well written piece — the use of the joyride metaphor was inspired, and the bittersweet ending, as was already stated here, masterful. And hey, the week ends with Duke’s self-interview, which is…”icing on the cake” doesn’t do it justice. The bar is re-set for self-interviews, is all I’ll say.

        • D.R. Haney says:

          Well, okay. I’ve been jollied into a slight reconsideration. And thanks for the good word about the upcoming self-interview thing. I hope it can live up to what you say, and that I haven’t overexposed myself.

  17. Jude says:

    My heart skipped a little beat when I read this may be your final TNB post. So glad to hear it’s not – TNB would have a huge part of its heart missing were you to go!

    • D.R. Haney says:

      I’m flattered to have made an impact on your heart, Jude, and sorry to hear it at the same time. But, you know, there’s been this effort to direct more traffic to The Feed, and if joyriding and a little exaggeration in advertising can make it happen, well, then…

  18. Lenore says:

    omigod i’m so famous!!! i absolutely approve of my breasts being included in the TNB family album. they write all of my posts, after all.

    we should have another photo shoot soon. i will bring lots of dress up stuff. i miss you. you never pay attention to me anymore. let’s have a sleepover. or we could go get food. you pick.

  19. I’m so sad that I’ve never met you – but I will, right?
    I hope hope hope you come out here in June with the TPacs and the TLants.
    Don’t make me get on a plane and drag you out here, cuz I will!

    And btw, way too hard on yourself about your pictures –
    you’re like mr. handsome man in them all. (is that inappropriate? just stating fact.)

  20. Matt says:

    They’re too damn short, for sure. Lucky for us, it’s a big world, with much to explore, and we can always take another one.

    Thanks for including me here, Duke. Still regret that I wasn’t able to make it up to L.A. when Greg was in town.

    June, baby, June….

  21. Give me a shout when you take a flight back to C’Ville so we can take a photo together.

  22. Yes, I’ve snatched the 100th comment…

    …to say that I’ve envious of your joyriding. That looks like an awesome trip, and I will one day follow in your footsteps and pester every damn name on the TNB contributor list.

  23. Jim says:

    Thanks for the ride. I feel like I should give you gas money or something.

  24. jmblaine says:

    How did I miss this?

    I think 2010 may bring a new genre
    TNB centric sort of stories
    where we peek into each other’s lives.

    This is so fun.

  25. Irene Zion says:

    Oh. Oh. Oh.

    When I first read the title, I thought you were LEAVING!!!!
    You SCARED me!

    Why is this piece way the hell in the wrong place to look? It’s taken me days to notice it.
    (Of course my eyes are going….)

    I would just like to say that although Lenore is totally adorable all the time, I, as her mother, would rather not see her undergarments on line. Just saying.

    The thing I want to know is DO YOU INDEED HAVE A TOP TO YOUR HEAD?
    I have never seen you without a head covering.

    When I come out to LA next time, I’m going to slip a finger up between your hat and the back of your head and see if it comes out with brain matter.
    Can’t help it.

  26. I don’t know how this one slipped past me, but I love it, love it, love it! Oh, Duke. You are loved, you treasure, you.

    • D.R. Haney says:

      Thanks, Rich. You realize there’s only about a dollar and a half in pennies inside the fancy-looking treasury box, yes? But I’m glad to have fooled you, if only so that I could receive your comment.

  27. Tawni says:

    This joyride was so much fun, Duke. Thanks for sharing these pictures with us!

    • D.R. Haney says:

      Thank you for thanking me, Tawni. ‘Twas but a humble effort to amuse, you know?

      • Tawni says:

        I live in Oklahoma. This is the most boring, depressing state in which I’ve ever lived. Because of my four-year-old, high-energy boy, I don’t always get the chance to comment in a timely manner, but I always appreciate the amusement you lovely and talented TNB-ers share with us. xoxo.

        • D.R. Haney says:

          I’ve driven though Oklahoma, but it was quite some time ago. I’d barely been out of the state of Virginia (where I was born and raised), so the Oklahoma landscape struck me as exotic and, therefore, wonderful. I can imagine how the appeal of it would quickly diminish, however.

          A comment left at any moment is, to me, always appreciated, and I’m only too happy to supply, or attempt to supply, a little amusement, though I know I can get awfully dark at times.

          XO

  28. Uche Ogbuji says:

    All that and a bag of plantain chips.

    • D.R. Haney says:

      I’m too stupid to understand what that means, Uche. You really must be gentle on those less gifted than you, which is everybody. But I now get to brag that Uche left a comment on something I wrote, even though it’s like receiving a visit from royalty when your house is a wreck.

      • Uche Ogbuji says:

        Aw man. I was trying to be discreet, and I’ve been shaken from the bushes.

        I loved the piece. That’s all 🙂

        • D.R. Haney says:

          See how literal-minded I am? But that’s said to be a universal American trait.

          Again, I’m humbled, Uche. Every time I’ve ever talked about TNB with fellow contributors, you’re praised as the best and the brightest. Just so you know that.

    • D.R. Haney says:

      It’s always a Potts!

      Happy belated birthday, angel.

      • Jude says:

        Thanks lovely Duke. It’s still my birthday for another couple of hours so it’s not belated.

        Had a great day laughing a lot with the fuck book (don’t know why I was being so modest in the other post… put it down to the occasional bouts of shyness that sometimes afflict me.)
        I see Zara has mentioned she may send you the book. Be prepared for lots of mindless laughter. It’s made travelling in the car a lot more fun as I randomly replace the word fuck on signs. Must look strange to people if they happen to look into the car and see this mad woman, on her own, cracking up!

        • D.R. Haney says:

          I’m sure you’re charming even when you’re cracking up, Jude. That’s what people must be thinking. “Oh, look at that! Isn’t she charming?”

          And now my birthday greetings, which I send again, really are belated.

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