Davis Schneiderman took the quiz.

Davis Schneiderman played the game.

Davis Schneiderman took the ‘what psychedelic-era pop song crossed with a washed-up sci-fi character are you?” quiz. Answer: Tomorrow Never Knows Mr Spock…

Davis Schneiderman took the “what mother sauce of classical French cuisine are you crossed with a decadent roman emperor?” Answer: Bechamel Nero.

Davis Schneiderman took the quiz.

Davis Schneiderman played the “What high-school subject crossed with a native god are you when you first wake up after an all-night bender?” Answer: Quetzalcoatl Trigonometry.

Davis Schneiderman incurred the wrath of the undead.

Davis Schneiderman took the ‘what kind of sandwich crossed with a battle from the Seven Years’ War are you?” Answer: Battle of the Plains of Abraham Vegan Club.

Davis Schneiderman came into some money.

Davis Schneiderman took the how many FB requests are you ignoring game. Answer: all of them.

Davis Schneiderman unfriended.

Davis Schneiderman played the game ‘what unholy love child of a serial killer and doctor of the catholic church are you’? Answer: Jeffrey Bede the Venerable Dahmer.

Davis Schneiderman played the “guess which American celebrity you’d most like to kill in a fight with totem animals—roosters, bunnies with shivs, etc.” Davis scored 2321 points by training Pikachu to stab Rush Limbaugh with a mirror shard.

Davis Schneiderman took the quiz “what two anagrams of ‘Barack Hussein Obama’ best describes your feelings on the current monetary crisis, as advertised at the front of the phone book?” Answer: ‘A A A Basic Broken Mush” and ‘A A A Kabob Richness Mu’

Davis Schneiderman took the quiz.

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DAVIS SCHNEIDERMAN is a multimedia writer and scholar whose works include the novel Drain (TriQuarterly/Northwestern); the DEAD/BOOKS trilogy (Jaded Ibis), including the blank novel, Blank: a novel, with audio from Dj Spooky, and the forthcoming [SIC] (Fall 2013), with images from Andi Olsen and audio from Illegal Arts acts Oh Astro, Steinski, Yea Big, and Girl Talk; and the audiocollage Memorials to Future Catastrophes (Jaded Ibis). His co-edited collections include Retaking the Universe: Williams S. Burroughs in the Age of Globalization (Pluto) and The Exquisite Corpse: Chance and Collaboration in Surrealism's Parlor Game (Nebraska, 2009); and The &NOW AWARDS: The Best Innovative Writing (vols. 1 and 2). Schneiderman's work has appeared in numerous publications including Fiction International, The Chicago Tribune, The Iowa Review, TriQuarterly, and Exquisite Corpse; he blogs for The Huffington Post and is a Contributing Editor for The Nervous Breakdown. He is the Director of Lake Forest College Press/&NOW Books and Incoming Associate Dean of the Faculty and Director of the Center for Chicago Programs at Lake Forest College. He can be found, virtually, at davisschneiderman.com

11 responses to “Davis Schneiderman Took the Quiz”

  1. I have been waiting, waiting, waiting for a TNB post to reference The Venerable Bede, and finally, thank Christ, yours did.

    I owe you big, Davis.

    btw, I once took the FB quiz “what hyper-compressed carbon nugget, delivered in the fist of Gerald McRaney’s most beloved and timeless character, would nicely obstruct John Stossel’s small intestine, resulting in a satisfyingly painful death?

    Answer: The Hope Diamond gripped by Simon from Simon & Simon

    • Gloria says:

      I think that “Jeffrey Bede the Venerable Dahmer” should be his screen name on a dating website. That frickin’ cracked me up.

  2. Thanks Sean. I try to work Bede into as much as possible.

    I think of McRaney almost entirely as Simon, so not sure there is another really strong contender here. Yet, I did just tour his IMDB entry, and this guy has been everywhere. He should play Bede in the long-overdue biopic.

    Well, if not him, then maybe Bogart.

  3. Zara Potts says:

    Davis Schneiderman is now friends with Zara Potts.

    (Loved this!)

  4. Art Edwards says:

    Oh, how wonderful. This is why I hit refresh every fifteen seconds.

    Welcome, Davis.

    Art

  5. Very funny, man. I absolutely loved this post. Great idea!

  6. Thanks Zara, Art, and David.

    Much appreciated.

  7. “Davis scored 2321 points by training Pikachu to stab Rush Limbaugh with a mirror shard” — yes! *touchdown dance*

    Funny stuff, Davis. I’m so very glad you’re here @ TNB!

    • Gloria says:

      Yes, that was my second favorite one. The first one being Jeffrey Bede the Venerable Dahmer.

      And I agree with Cynthia (and everyone else), Davis: hilarious. Welcome!

  8. sheree says:

    Hysterical post.
    Thanks for the laugh.

  9. […] DAVIS SCHNEIDERMAN took the quiz. […]

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