Please explain what just happened.

I have no idea. I was in the booth facing the restrooms and Donnie came in all fucked up and I was all like, “What the fuck, Donnie?” and he was all like, “It was fucking n*****s, dude. Like three fucking n*****s.” And I was all like, “Shut the fuck up” because there were like three tables of black people in there and he’s all yelling and shit, but whatever the fuck it was, it was goddamned embarrassing because I wasn’t even drunk yet.

But fucking Donnie… Donnie is a fucking idiot.

What is your earliest memory?

I’m not sure. I have a series of tattoos, notes and Polaroids but I don’t exactly know which one is the first. Either way, I’m pretty sure somebody murdered my wife.

 

If you weren’t a comedian, what other profession would you choose?

Defense attorney if I had somebody else to do the paperwork. Maybe. I wouldn’t “choose” to sell used cars, but if I did, I would refer to my inventory as “that yard full of jalopies.”

Please describe the current contents of your refrigerator.

I prefer to let the contents speak for themselves –- with actions rather than words. But I’ve heard other people describe the contents as “cold.”

Is there a time you wish you’d lied?

No, but there are sixteen more questions. You shoulda put this one towards the end.

 

What would you say to yourself if you could go back in time and have a conversation with yourself at age thirteen?

“Psst. Hey, kid. Yes, you. You want me to take you to Toys R Us? I’ll buy you anything you want. Seriously. Anything you want. It’s okay, I know your Dad. C’mon now get in the truck. You’ll have to sit in the middle cuz I have all those milk crates full of books on the other seat. It sure is a hot day to be wearing long pants.” And so on.

If you could have only one album to get you through a breakup, what would it be?

Pink Floyd – The Wall. Unless I was trying to get over the break-up of Pink Floyd. Then I’d obviously have to choose something else entirely.

What are three websites—other than your email—that you check on a daily basis?

DontEvenReply.com, Bodog.com, and Reason.com

From what or whom do you derive your greatest inspiration?

The folly or tragic downfalls of others.

Name a book that changed your life.

You Are Being Lied To from Disinfo.com

If you could relive one moment over and over again, what would it be?

Either falling in love or the joy of quitting a job on the spot. That feeling of freedom when you throw down the apron, give ’em the finger, and walk out into the parking lot is magical.

How are you six degrees from Kevin Bacon?

He was the best man at my cousin’s wedding.

What makes you feel most guilty?

Mornings. Every single one of them.

What would you most like to have invented?

Maybe you should just make this 10 or 12 questions. You’re really going into the well for this one. So I’ll just say stinkless pussy, which of course was invented by the Norwegians.

What is the worst piece of advice you’ve ever gotten?

Eat at Cracker Barrel.

What is the best advice you’ve ever given to someone else?

I was giving advice to an open mic comic once when my friend told me, “Don’t give advice to comics. You’re only telling them how to be more like you.” I pass that on as often as I can.

What do you consider the harshest kind of betrayal?

Chief Jay Strongbow not really being an Indian.


Of all the game shows that have graced our TV screens throughout history, which one would you want to be a contestant on and why?

21 Questions was a radio game show in the 40’s. I wouldn’t want to do that one. I tend to run out of steam in the second half.

What do you want to know?

Your American Express number. Somebody’s gonna have to pay for this.

What would you like your last words to be?

“Fuck you. Google it if you don’t believe me.”

Please explain what will happen.

I’m sorry, sir. You’re over your limit. Please deposit coins into the slot to continue.

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DOUG STANHOPE is a stand-up comic. Has been since 1990.

His material ranges from true-life graphic perversion to volatile social criticism. Doug is vulgar, opinionated, brutally honest and shockingly uninhibited and is certainly not for everybody.

He started his career in Las Vegas doing jack-off jokes for free drinks. Not much has changed, save for the mullet.

Doug has built a wide-ranging television resume of dubious achievement. He hosted The Man Show on Comedy Central as well as the ubiquitous pseudo-porn for the sexually crippled, Girls Gone Wild, both solely and shamelessly for financial gain. He has appeared on The Howard Stern Show, Comedy Central Presents, Premium Blend, NBC's Late Friday, Spy TV, the BBC's Floor Show Live while on ecstasy and wrote, produced and starred in Fox's Invasion of the Hidden Cameras. He has even popped up on Fox News with Greta Van Sustern and The Jerry Springer Show. But none of it compares to seeing him live.

He’s appeared at major comedy festivals including the Montreal Just For Laughs, Aspen US Comedy Arts, Chicago Comedy Festival and the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in Scotland, where he won the Strathmore Press Award in 2002.

Also in 2002, he was named as one of the Top Ten Comics To Watch by both Variety and the Hollywood Reporter. He has released three CDs and three DVDs including the latest through Showtime, No Refunds in 2008.

"Ask anyone whose opinion matters, and they'll tell you Doug Stanhope is one of the top ten stand-ups in the world today. Stanhope's confrontational stance comes from the rough, blistered underbelly of America's trailer parks; he's a feral, aggressive man full fueled by primal urges to drink, fight and screw and the corrosive material has all the venomous aggression you might expect from that background. But what underlines it, and makes it so untouchably good, is the passion and conviction with which he holds his intelligent beliefs, informed by sensibilities that might seem alien to such a no-nonsense, pig-headed persona.” -Chortle UK

"Stanhope shocks you with the virulence of his lucidity; he shocks you into realizing how transparent the confidence trick of western propaganda can be made to seem. What he has in abundance is the charm, don't-give-a-damn swagger and aggressive intelligence that make for important, exciting comedy." - Guardian, UK

"Some of the sharpest and most biting cultural commentary you'll see in a comedy club." - St. Louis Post-Dispatch

The Austin Chronicle says, "Let me tell you something, friends. Doug Stanhope is one funny sumbitch. He's also one of the most twisted individuals I've ever met, but that's part of his charm. He's one of those comics that doesn't make shit up. He lives a mad, mad life and what he remembers he reports back to us. He's been known to bare his soul, and other things, right there on the stage. If you're easily offended, stay home this week. Watch Matlock or something. But if you like your comedy rough, raw, and rowdy, there's no one better than Doug Stanhope. Have I made myself clear?"

4 responses to “21 Questions with Doug Stanhope”

  1. […] in the United States. You can visit his website for more info. And you can read his TNB interview right here. […]

  2. Joe Daly says:

    Wormtown Rocks, and so does Doug Stanhope.

  3. Erika Rae says:

    This might be the best interview I have ever read. I really wish I had more coins.

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