Lately, I’ve been having this urge: I want to start a fight.
I want to step inside the ring, look into the liquid abyss of my opponent’s eye, and kick some butt.
I want to approach her as if I’m going to tell her a secret, and then hit her with a roundhouse elbow.
I want to insult her mother.
I want her to hit me back for real.
I want to call out my demons one by one and see her face contort as they come forth.
I want to work up a lather.
I want to start a fight club.
I want to pull her hair and call her a cheater. A lowlife. A yellow bellied marmot.
The first rule of fight club is you do not talk about fight club.
I would break that rule.
I want her to act all huffy with me, like she has no idea what I’m talking about. But she does. She knows all about it. The pussy.
I want to run up the front of her body and do a back flip off her chest.
I want to observe spittle as it flies through the air, catching the light into a rainbow of death from the one uncovered florescent bulb above us.
I want to feel the satisfaction of watching her struggle to get up, and flop back down like a fish.
I want her friends to come running to her defense. I would take them all one by one. Two at a time. Three for three.
I want to send them flying like they did in ancient China.
I want to strain a muscle.
I want to be able to feel it the next day.
I want to make strange noises at the back of my throat and have my speech come out at a different pace than my lips.
I want to wax on wax off and paint the fence simultaneously.
I want to bust out of the ring and out through the doors. Head on down the street. Rough up an evil punk dressed up as a businessman talking on his cell phone. And an elderly woman. But the elderly woman would be an accident. I would help her back up.
I want to feel the horrified gaze of strangers as they watch the bodies hit the sidewalk all around me.
I want to be surrounded by a team of professionally trained men in black at gunpoint. I would level them all with a single, all-encompassing chi bomb.
I want to then run down an alley, where I would take on a posse of Shaolin monks-gone-bad, who jump me from behind a dumpster. The last one standing would beg me to teach him my arcane arts. I would refuse.
I want to sleep with one eye open and sense anyone approaching within a two-mile radius.
I want to sew up a wound on my shoulder using a rusty needle and thread in the privacy of my sparsely decorated studio apartment.
I want to drink milk from the carton and harbor a runaway.
I want to give birth while running for the train.
I want to taste blood in the back of my throat; feel the sting of scratches at my neck.
I want to face Death and make him beg for mercy.
…Or I could eat some dark chocolate and call it good.