This one’s for all the sexy people out there, walking through parks, eating dinner al fresco outside of Whole Foods, drinking coffee at the fancy pants café.Spring is in the air and I don’t know if you noticed but that guy sitting behind you pretending to read the Onion is checking you out where your top misses your waistline by 1.2 inches. That’s right, lean forward just a little bit. Cue the Barry White and lick that foam off your lips.
You missed a spot.
Like I said, spring is in the air and you people are sexy.I was in Target the other day, and there was a lady in front of me with a denim mini skirt and a jewel appliquéd halter top. She wore gold bangles on her tan arms and bright pink lipstick on her ample lips.She was leaning over, checking out the plastic Easter eggs on the bottom rack. Comparing prices because she knows that economy is sexy. She was so sexy, in fact, she wasn’t even wearing underwear.Kind of like she walked out the door, got in her car and went, “Oops! Look how sexy I am. I forgot my underwear. Never even noticed they were gone.” It didn’t even matter that she was pushing 78 and dragging along an oxygen tank. Breathing is sexy, too. Oh, yeah.
In my sister’s neighborhood there’s a couple that takes frequent walks together. They’re old, too. They have matching white hair and wear matching outfits. Now that it’s spring, she sees them rounding the block almost daily wearing twin green jogging suits. Blue. Even pink. Matching is sexy. Sometimes they hold hands and nod at her as they pass by. They’re sweet. Sweet as can be. They’ve had a lifetime of being sexy together and they’re not stopping anytime soon.
But there are lots of young people out there just walking around being sexy, too.There’s one now – over by the bus stop. He’s leaning a shoulder on the wind block and is fiddling with his iPod. He’s got hair so long over his eyes, he can barely see, he’s so sexy. I can’t be sure, but I think we just made eye contact. Nothing too flirty, you understand – just an acknowledgement of each other being sexy.
And just look at all you sexy people out there reading this.Especially those of you with your windows open. It’s warm outside and you’re feeling it, aren’t you? Feeling like shedding some layers and jumping on a plane to Cozumel where you can be sexy in Spanish. Because everyone knows Spanish is sexy.Just look at Shakira. She’s got those honest hips and free flowing hair. Mm-mm. Sexy.
Sexy in springtime.
Except where it’s not. Some of you – from way down south – are watching fall rolling in and thinking, oh man – not yet. I’m not done being sexy. I just got in my groove. I’m not ready for turtlenecks and jumpers yet. Jumpers are a sexy word for sweaters. But don’t fret. Jumpers can be sexy, too. Especially with a V-neck and maybe a pleasant scarf. And anyway, we northern hemisphere folks are about to go crazy on the sexy, so don’t worry. We’ll carry you through the winter. There’s plenty of sexy to go around.
Spring is in the air, and it’s time to be sexy.
That’s right. Check your lips. You got a little more foam there.