“omg. this girl is a wack-a-doo.”
-The Denver Post
Finally. Somebody has noticed my pumpkin. A major newspaper has mocked my belief that the picture on this pumpkin looks like Jesus.
I have sent pictures of the white pumpkin with the natural growth markings that look like a figure to quite a few media outlets now, with nary a word.
It’s no secret, I’m trying to sell it to fund my writer-induced-poverty and it doesn’t take a genius to see that I’ve been given a gift with this gourd. I’ve even received a bid on eBay for $100 so far (with 8 days remaining to place bids). And, for any bid above $100, I am going to give 10% of the profit to charity.
I’ve sent pictures of the pumpkin to several places:
I figured FoxNews would be interested, since we all know they are not a real news company.
I sent it to 9News in Denver thinking they might like to cover a local phenomenon.
Channel 4 also received a little email from me.
I sent it to Rachael Ray, thinking she might be able to help me figure out how to preserve this thing properly.
In case Rachael wasn’t interested, I sent it to the folks over at Martha Stewart, thinking she might be able to come up with a preservation method – or at the very least figure out a way to turn it into a tea cozy.
I sent it to the Boulder Daily Camera, figuring they might find it just wacky enough to print. (I forgive you, Daily Camera – with all the wacky in Boulder, this pumpkin truly is relatively unremarkable)
I have sent it to a couple of Motorhead fan sites. (What? If it’s not Jesus, it’s Lemmy, for sure.)
And on and on.
And of course, I have also plastered it all over my Facebook, sent out emails to friends (sorry guys!), and have even made an informative video in which I make the apparently blasphemous connection that my Jesus Pumpkin is on par with Mary Tortillas, Crucifix Cheetos, and Mother Theresa Cinnamon Pastries (my bad):
People have said it looks like the following:
- John the Baptist
- Lemmy (From Motorhead)
- The Hooded Led Zeppelin figure
- Jimi Hendrix
- A Wizard wearing the Sorting Hat from Harry Potter
- The Gorton’s Fish Stick Guy
- Swamp Thing
- A Neanderthal riding a Woolly Mammoth
- A Tramp (the lower face)
- Mr. Ed
- Jerry Garcia
- Santa Claus
- An anthropomorphic slug from Futurama
- Tom Waits
- Leonard Cohen
- Hulk Hogan
- The Grim Reaper smoking a joint
- A Ringwraith
Anyway, like I said, I have finally been noticed by a major news source, and I’m stoked. I mean, sure the email came accidentally replied to me and was obviously not intended for my inbox, but that makes it no less of an endorsement, right? And I’m not that offended. I mean, they don’t know me from Eve. For all they know I am somebody who really truly believes with absolute certainty that Jesus has appeared to me on my pumpkin as a supernatural sign. I’m an absolute wacko. Or, “wack-a-doo”, to be more specific. And rightly so. I mean, imagine if I really *had* been a person with the belief. I deserved to be called a wack-a-doo by a major news source. I mean, what was I thinking?
Let them off the hook, you say. They didn’t mean to send you the email. It was something any of us could have done. Easy mistake. It was meant for someone else’s eyes. I even got an apology from the “Editorial Assistant” stating that they are rooting out the anonymous source of this offensive reply and that they will receive a sound talking to.
True enough. The Denver Post has every right to trash the religious beliefs or faith-related commentary submitted by its readers in the privacy of its own offices. Absolutely. Right?