Where in the World is J. Angelus Dust?

I don’t know if anyone else noticed this, but TNB’s celebrated advice columnist, the pseudonymous J. Angelus Dust, seems to have vanished from the site. It’s been many weeks since his last, somewhat erratic, post. Where could he be? Did his book ever come out? Is it called Thomas World, or something else? More importantly, is Fabian okay?

(Speaking of which: I am not The Dust, and while I have had the privilege of corresponding with him on several occasions, I not privy to his actual identity. If I had to guess at who he is among writers in the TNB Universe, my money would be on Spitznagel).

Well, we know Dust is a radical leftist. We know he’s an activist. We know he’s been increasingly sickened by the goings-on in this country, as his posts got ever more political in nature. I think he’s one of the leaders of the leaderless Occupy Wall Street movement. The timing, the politics, the nature of the beast…call it a hunch, but that’s my belief. And this recent push to “relocate the nexus” of OWS to Oakland suggests that Dust could well be in the Bay Area as I type this, perhaps huddling under a tent, perhaps handing out fliers at Berkeley.

Anyone else have any theories?

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Herman Cain, Sexual Harassment

I spent seven years working in human resources. For much of that time, I gave new employee orientations, at which I covered the topic of sexual harassment. I was also present at employee relations meetings, where such cases were discussed. So I have some experience with the subject.

Is Herman Cain guilty of sexual harassment? I can’t say for sure, but as the Magic 8-Ball would have it, all signs point to yes.

Contrary to popular belief, sexual harassment is not just a boss telling his secretary, “If you’d like to keep your job, put your two lips on my wood and kiss it.” That’s what’s known as quid pro quo sexual harassment. Because more people are aware of it, these kind of claims are less frequent—although they can be filed, and won, even if the subordinate in question appears to be on board. There are cases where a direct report had a long relationship with her boss and filed a claim years later, stating that she felt compelled to continue the relationship, even though the “quid pro quo” wasn’t explicitly stated; she won.

More common are claims of hostile work environment. This happens, usually, when men say dirty shit that offends people around them, and do it often, to the point where coworkers (usually, but not always, women; there was a case where a straight man filed a claim because a straight guy at the office wouldn’t stop making homophobic remarks) feel so uncomfortable that they are compelled to quit.

The guys creating the hostile work environment almost always defend themselves by saying things like, “I was joking,” and “Can’t she take a joke,” and, “I’m not even attracted to her,” and, “All I was doing was remarking about her appearance.” In other words, things Cain has been saying all week. Why exactly was he compelled to remark that a female co-worker was the same height as his wife? Was he starting a company basketball team?

And one stray remark is not enough to get you in trouble. It has to be an established pattern of behavior. In Cain’s case, there are already three sexual harassment claims we know about. For every woman who actually filed, there were probably a dozen who laughed it off, or were too frightened to report it (it’s traumatic to do so; essentially, you’re getting someone fired).

Is Cain guilty? I can’t say for sure, but where there’s smoke, there’s fire (where there’s smoke, there’s also Cain’s campaign manager puffing on a Parliament Light…but that’s a different topic entirely).

_____________________________________________________

Hands On

You know how in old movies, when people get nervous or uncomfortable, they reflexively reach for their pack of smokes and/or cigarette case and fidget around with it? Smartphones serve the exact same function today.

_____________________________________________________

Steve Jobs, RIP

Yeah, he was super cool and genius-y in every way, but I still think Macbooks suck.

_____________________________________________________

Kim Kardashian, Divorced Again

1.

Total length of Lindsay Lohan’s latest prison term: 30 days

Total length of Kim Kardashian’s wedding to Kris Humphries: 72 days

2.

That’s not even a fucking semester, for fuck sake. It’s like she withdrew from a class.

3.

Robert Kardashian, Kim’s late father, is famous for being one of O.J. Simpson’s attorneys. That doesn’t tell the whole story. He and Simpson were BFFs for many years before the murders took place; Juice even stayed at Kardashian’s house in late June of 1994, after the double homicide.

Robert and Kim’s mother, Kris Jenner, were divorced by then, but Kim presumably knows O.J. pretty well. This isn’t her fault, of course, but it’s something the tabloids don’t tend to discuss.

She spent her formative years around really, really talented professional athletes—Simpson and her step-father, Bruce Jenner. And that’s also the type of man she tends to date.

If she listened to me, this would never have happened).

4.

Seventy-two days? Sting has had tantric sex that lasted longer than that.

5.

How much do you think the NBA lockout—and the fact that her soon-to-be-ex-husband would not have an opportunity to strut his stuff in the foreseeable future—affected her decision? Don’t tell me the thought didn’t cross her mind.

6.

It’s a slap in the face to all the LGBT Americans who can’t legally marry. Seriously. Kim should spend the next 72 days lobbying for a gay marriage amendment.

7.

A Yahoo! News headline: “Is Kardashian’s Divorce Bad for Business?” Yuck.

8.

Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to marry a guy who has the same first name as your mother.

9.

I hope you saved some money, Kim, because that alarm you’re hearing means your fifteen minutes are up. Please go away—and take your sisters with you.

TAGS: , , , , , , , ,

GREG OLEAR is the Los Angeles Times bestselling author of the novels Totally Killer and Fathermucker and founding editor of The Weeklings.

69 responses to “Where in the World is J. Angelus Dust, and Other Stories”

  1. Rachel Pollon says:

    I have no major points to add but since we have no “like” button on TNB I will try to express something more than grunts and giggles in response to this. Here goes:

    I was wondering about Sir Dust just the other day. I think your theories are solid.

    Har — Sting sex vs. Kardashian commitment.

    Herman Cain — seriously, why are people taking this guy seriously. Smoke and mirrors? Are they building a Republi-bot in a back room and are still working out kinks so in the meantime everyone is acting like this guy is a viable option?

    (I guess I had more to say than I realized.)

    There’s probably more, but for now, glad to read you!

    • Greg Olear says:

      Thanks, RachPo. Will I be seeing you next Friday?

      As for Cain, I agree…he’s smoke and mirrors…and pizza. He can’t hold up under scrutiny. And he’s a Koch brothers puppet. A dangerous choice for the White House, for sure. The cigarettes are a nod to his onetime overlords at the tobacco companies.

  2. Macbooks don’t suck. Just my Macbook sucks.
    Don’t let my needy and probably haunted Macbook ruin your opinion of all Macbooks
    (said as I try to delete more IFluff so I can save my paper to Word.)

    • Greg Olear says:

      1. Mouse plug is on the left. Because, you know, there are so many more lefties in the world.

      2. No HD input, so you can’t plug into the TV and stream Netflix.

      3. Space issues, which is ridiculous.

      4. Trouble connecting to wireless.

      But the super-hard case is nice.

  3. pixy says:

    i think dust had a mid-posting-life crisis. curious that entry #40 of the advice column is when he chose to disappear.
    i say he’s off to get a maybach so he can barter in style the powered bones of babies (a notoriously effective eau de vie and boner-maker) for an authentic iphone5.

  4. Don Mitchell says:

    Macbooks suck, but Macbook Pros don’t suck and if you need what they do (I don’t) Macbook Airs totally don’t suck.

    But about the sexual harassment thing. My department sent me to training a number of years ago, and I thought it would be a waste of time — I mean, who among us doesn’t know what it is? Plus, being trained by reps from Albany would have to be agonizing. Wrong on both counts.

    The trainers were excellent and the material included a bunch of stuff I’d never thought about. So I’m glad your ex-HR past helped you write some really sensible things about it.

    My favorite line from my trainers went something like this: “Forcible rape in the parking lot at one end, ‘pretty blouse’ at the other — these are the easy ones. There’s a lot of difficult stuff in between.”

    I do miss Mr Dust very much. I’m always envious of his ability to rip into someone or some thing. In my dreams I’m as wickedly on-target and articulate and funny as he is.

    • Greg Olear says:

      Yeah, most of sexual harassment occurs in the gray area. The thing to bear in mind is that the law favors the beholder. You may not intent to offend, but if the beholder is offended, you better watch out.

      • Wait, actually I have a MacBook Pro – so Greg hates MacBook Pros. Not MacBooks.
        What’s MacBook Air? I suppose I can just go look it up, but this is more fun.

        • Don Mitchell says:

          Well, if you have a Macbook Pro, then Mr. Greg’s mouse (USB, I assume) can plug in right or left. Plenty of ports. But anyway he should get a wireless one.

          Macbook Air is extremely light and has a solid state disk. Unless a person really needs what it offers, or is excessively desiring to seem cool, the price is silly. But a traveler who wants small and light and yet needs a real computer rather than a tablet — ah, that’s the market.

          When Mr. Greg gets that fat option for Fathermucker, make him buy you one. Of course you’re cool already.

  5. Greg, I wish I had something to say more profound than LIKE. I can’t blame the Cain blamer for not wanting to come forward, and anyone whose profound political moment is 9,9,9 (which is the UK version for call-the-emergency-services and an inverse of 666) is a man who strikes me as one who’d never get the subtleties of inappropriate behavior. Or, even the glaringly obvious. Plus smoking in an ad? I mean his manager, that is… Doesn’t the American Cancer Society have something to say about that or the FCC? Doesn’t it violate other standards, like ad ones?

    Thanks for this… And still lovin’ the Fathermucker.

    • Greg Olear says:

      It’s his way of saying he’s anti-establishment. Wildly original, huh? I don’t know why they didn’t find a more photogenic guy, though…

      Thanks for the love, Jen!

  6. jonathan evison says:

    . . .yeah, where is dust? . . . and i’m pretty sure fabes is depressed . . .he won’t answer my facebook messages!

  7. Joe Daly says:

    Re: Dust– I wonder if his appearance in San Diego was a calculated Swan Song. His last post sounded about as much like a cry for help as JAD could probably allow.

    Re: Cain– shades of Clarence Thomas. Such a murky pool of innuendo and inference. I think a reasonable person knows or should know when he or she has crossed the sexual harassment line in the office but I’ve also seen that the unfortunate reality is that there’s an implication that the victim should be a good, or at least better sport about such tasteless banter. That’s where the problems fester like mushrooms.

    Re: Macbooks– I bought my MacBook Pro because I wanted GarageBand. Little did I know that wrapped around that user-friendly home recording app was the finest personal computing solution that I have ever known.

    Re: Kim Kardashian– I’d rather listen to Rubber Soul than have to entertain one more thought about that zero. No, seriously, I really would.

    • Greg Olear says:

      If memory serves, Clarence Thomas didn’t have a bevy of women accusing him; just Anita Hill. That makes it a bit different.

      Baby you can drive my car…

      • Hey Joe, I think I’m meeting you next week at the reading – yay!

        Do you mind if I ask you a Mac question since you seem to have good things to say about Garageband?

        I got my MacBook Pro pretty much for Garageband and I’ve had a really hard time with it.
        Do you record guitar with it? What do you use for an interface?
        I wish I could call it a userfriendly home recording app, as well.
        I’ve pretty much given up.

        • Joe Daly says:

          Steph-

          We will indeed be meeting next weekend- super stoked!

          I do record guitar with GB and once you get that front end part figured, I think you’ll find it to be super easy. I use an M-Audio USB pre-amp for my electrics. Run the guitar through that into the Mac and it picks up the sound cleanly. I dunno about you, but I then spend an inordinate amount of time adding effects to that guitar track and playing around with it from there.

          For acoustic stuff, I picked up one of these: http://www.bluemic.com/snowball/ Same deal- I plug that into the Mac via the USB and it picks up both vox and acoustic really well.

          There are a few small system tweaks that you might run into when you go live, but having made and repeated a number of those mistakes, I finally wrote down all the setup steps, which I’ll happily provide.

          Once you get going, you’ll see why everybody raves about it.

          • Thank you thank you!! This is so helpful!

            I had tried to find things out through Mac and then through some chat boards
            and nothing was as specific as this.

            And if I am successful and get this up and running, I would love those steps.

            What do you think of Logic – do you feel like that’s something you would ever upgrade to or is GB sufficient for your needs?
            A friend gave me Logic, but that made my head spin off its already shaky axis.
            I guess one userfriendly app at a time.

            Thanks again, Joe! Can’t wait to meetcha.

            • Joe Daly says:

              GB is more than enough for my modest needs. My buddy is fairly handy with GB, by my standards at least, and he’s always showing me expansive new tricks that underscore just how little I know about the app. It’s like the human brain- I think I use .01% of GB’s capacities.

              That being said, I did go out and get an updated Jam Pack with a bunch of additional drum loops and rhythm instruments. One thing I’ve yet to do is sit down and play with the seeded drum loops to come up with my own– instead I just bought one of the upgraded packs. But that’s as fancy as I get.

              Logic sounds like a lot of work- especially when you see all you can do once you dial into GB.

          • Don Mitchell says:

            I agree about the M-Audio (though I don’t know which model you have). I use the “Fast Track” for general audio work, because it has better components than my 2006 Mac Pro does. Ruth uses it to make meditation recordings, which are plain old mono. I don’t use Line Out any more at all, nor Line In. The Fast Track does it all, and better. And I’d rather reach over and control volume with a knob than use my mouse on a slider.

            Also, though I know you’re talking about creating music and using samples and so on, for those times when you want a simple but effective audio editor — there’s Audacity for Mac, and I’ve been using Amadeus Pro for several years. Mostly all I want to do is make a mono audio recording, or take some audio and cut out a piece and save it in another format (like that Ramayana thing I sent you, Joe) — these basic apps do a good job with that and the learning curve is damn flat.

            Audacity is free but Amadeus Pro isn’t.

      • Joe Daly says:

        True dat.

        The similarities I saw were a black conservative en route to a position of prominence is suddenly confronted with sexual harassment allegations, leading some people to sidestep the truth of the allegations and instead complain that it’s a race issue.

        Man, you had me singing that lyric in my head all night long. Karma, meet Joe. Joe- Karma.

  8. J.E. Fishman says:

    Dust to ashes?

  9. Zara Potts says:

    But.. but… I thought you loved the Kardashians???
    I got sucked into the terrible 2 hour E special vortex of the Kardashian marriage and I cannot get those two hours back. I demand she stick with the marriage for at least another 72 days so I can at least feel like my time was well spent.
    I just can’t understand the weird attractional pull the Kardashians have over the world. Kimmy is in Melbourne at the moment and hasn’t cracked a smile all week despite tweenie Australians going mad over her sculptured face and big bum.

    As for the Dust – my money was on you. But given your denial here, I’m going to go with Listi himself.

    • Greg Olear says:

      The problem with being “famous for nothing” in what Bret Easton Ellis calls the “post-Empire” reality TV phase is, the shelf-life is really short. Candle burns twice as bright burns twice as long. The Kardashians have had a nice run, longer than anyone had a right to expect, but the train has left the station, and we’re left looking at Kim’s caboose.

    • New Orleans Lady says:

      I’m with you, Z. It has to be Listi. I mean, right? Has to.

      Oh! Hello. How have you been?

  10. D.R. Haney says:

    I just had a computer disaster. I accidentally knocked my mouse off my desk yesterday and the computer emitted a high-pitched squeal, and when I rebooted the computer the squeal was gone but the computer would no longer recognize the mouse or keyboard. The ports got fucked up — can you believe that? — so I had to invest in a UBS mouse and keyboard. Anyway, never knock your fucking mouse off your desk, as if you need me to tell you so.

    Of course this has nothing to do with your post, but it helps to “talk” after a trauma. I saw my computer’s life pass before my eyes when the computer doctor told me the motherboard might be damaged, as it was, though it wasn’t so badly damaged that the computer had to be scrapped and thus render me even more isolated than I already am.

    I naturally noticed that the Dust had disappeared, and I can’t help but wonder if the SD event had something to do with it, though I don’t know how. But he started getting kind of weird right after the SD event, where I’m still not convinced he showed up anyway. Rather, I think that may have been a friend who was put forward as the Dust’s public face. Whoever that guy was, he didn’t seem to know anything about the other contributors who read, and yet the Dust’s columns are always alluding to other contributors, as well as readers, by the names he chooses for those letters he writes to himself. Yep, I think only a handful of the letters, and maybe less than a handful, are the real thing. But, come on, Greg, did you never fill in for the Dust? You wrote that interview with “Fabian,” and Fabian’s guest columns were very similar in tone.

    About the Kardashians: I’ve never understood the fascination. I don’t find them attractive or remotely interesting. As for the Herman Cain thing, I can’t help but be reminded of:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WsZlLDGs604

    (I’m assuming the titles are run backward as a way of theoretically avoiding copyright infringement.)

    • Greg Olear says:

      I’m glad your computer is still operational…there’s nothing quite as terrifying as when they die.

      No, I never sat in for The Dust (although I was tempted to try, after his lengthy absence, just to see if I could get away with it).

      The SNL impression of the Kardashians is also quite funny…

      Talk soon.

    • New Orleans Lady says:

      I’m not exactly sure why but the image/short movie clip I have playing in my head of you knocking your mouse to the floor has me laughing. I picture it in slow motion with one arm flying, a horrified expression, and a very deep sounding “noooooooooo”. So damn funny.

      • D.R. Haney says:

        That’s not an altogether inaccurate impression of how it went down. Yeah, real funny — so funny I forgot to laugh.

        • D.R. Haney says:

          Just to be perfectly clear, Ashley, my comment could’ve done with an emoticon, but, you know, I don’t use emoticons, so…

  11. Glad you brought up the issue of the Dust (in the wind) and to hear the theories, especially Duke’s that the guy at the SD event wasn’t the real deal. The disappearance only makes the man that much more intriguing, which leads me to my theory that the meltdown of his last column and the abrupt exit is, in part, deliberate and he’s setting himself and readers up for a return. Perhaps that’s just wishful thinking. One thing for sure is that he’s good at getting people’s attention, and probably, like most of us, temperamental.

    Maybe he’s staying at the Kardashians. Or else he finally ran off with Helen Mirren.

  12. I have been having Dust and Listi withdrawals. I got into a happy little routine: new Possible Title Mondays and Dust Tuesdays, and then just like that… gone. Both of them. I recently realized I’ve been somewhat pouting-ly avoiding TNB because I’m so sad about this loss. Such a baby, this one.

    (But Gloria’s right… it said there’d be more installments of Possible Title. It said! It did! BRAD PROMISED.)

    I got a manager fired for sexual harassment once. Amazing, the power of the pen, when none of the bosses of the restaurant in which you work are taking your many complaints of being cornered in the walk-in coolers and groped by a sexually aggressive manager seriously. I wrote one letter, copied it to all of the higher-up district managers, and within 24 hours we had a group meeting set up to address (fire) the problem. When people won’t take you seriously, put it in writing, kids. Now it’s a legal issue. (Also: don’t ever fuck with a Scorpio. But you already know this, Greg.)

    Other than mocking clips shared by Joel McHale on The Soup, I have never seen a Kardashians show (or wedding) of any kind. I just don’t get it. I will never understand the way our culture idolizes these vapid, talentless morons like they are something special. Never. (See: Jersey Shore, The Hills, Paris Hilton, etc.) The money spent on that stupid fucking wedding was obscene. And I completely agree that the divorce is further proof that there is nothing “sacred” about heterosexual marriage. If Kim would use this as an opportunity to lobby for legalizing gay marriage, I might actually give her a chance.

    Oh, who am I kidding. I’ll never give that idiot a chance.

    • Greg Olear says:

      Good for you, Tawni, for getting that asshole creep-bag fired. The restaurant industry — you know, the one whose trade organization Cain was in charge of — is notorious for being slow to police sexual harassment. I worked at Bennigan’s for one hideous week in high school, and the pockmarked doucheface in charge of training us was such a fucking sleaze, so overtly hitting on the one pretty girl in our “class,” it made ME uncomfortable.

      One of the things we taught in HR is that if you are bothered and offended by someone’s grotesque behavior, you’re almost certainly not the only one, and by taking action, you benefit many coworkers and the company by removing the bad seed. Again, good for you.

      I wrote the thing about Cain without hearing yesterday’s news — just the first round of accusations — or watching him try and defend himself. Wow. What a flame-out. He’s toast. The fucking bullshit artist.

  13. New Orleans Lady says:

    “That’s not even a fucking semester, for fuck sake. It’s like she withdrew from a class.”
    Holy shit! I can’t stop laughing. So funny.

    And I totally fiddle with my phone when I’m in a room full of strangers*. Nervous? Yes! I’m not that much of a people person and it gives me an out. It’s almost like it makes me invisible.

    *room full of strangers= Psychiatrist’s office waiting room. Don’t ask.

    • Greg Olear says:

      Thanks!

      I think we all take that out, playing with the phone. It’s a lot more fun to check status updates that glance around nervously and feel out of place. I don’t know how people survived on dates, when the other party takes a long trip to the powder room, without the smartphone.

  14. Matt says:

    1.) I noticed Dust had fucked off. Like everything the guy does, I figure it’s a calculated move, but hey, who knows? All of us have needed to take a breather away from the site for a little bit. Maybe it’s his turn.

    2.) Cain’s done, I think. It looks a lot like these allegations have legs. How far those legs will carry it is anyone’s guess, but either way the damage to his reputation is done – especially considering how poorly he is handling spin control of the issue in the time since the story first broke. It would be a different thing if he’d been voted into office somewhere (a la Bill Clinton), but he’s not. And the public has not been very forgiving of sex-related scandal as of late. He’s about to go the way of Rick Perry, an flash-in-pan GOP savior-of-the moment who immediately demonstrated that his extremist views and bullying behavior during the debates (I’m honestly a little surprised he hasn’t taken a swing at Romney yet) make him a player not yet ready for prime time.

    And Cain’s video is just weird. What unsettles me is not the smoking chief-of-staff, but Cain’s extended Cheshire Cat grin at the end. That right there could be considered evidence that the Pizza Man doesn’t understand appropriate boundaries; he holds that look at the camera well past the point where “eye contact” becomes “creepy staring.”

    3.) I’m guilty of the smartphone thing.

    4.) I like a lot of Steve Jobs’s inventions, accept that he was a creative visionary in the tech field, but don’t understand all the hero worship. He fought in court for two years to avoid acknowledging being the father of his daughter, and he has absolutely no history of philanthropy whatsoever (Bill Gates does, and in a big way). Plus, there are numerous stories throughout Apple’s corporate history of him being quite the martinet around the office.

    5.) Enough collective thought has been wasted on this superfluous piece of fame-whoring trash that I’m not even going to mention her name or discuss the matter further.

    • Greg Olear says:

      Yeah, that smile is VERY creepy. It seems to say, “Hey, I have a great porno movie playing in the back room…wanna come join us…I know you do…yeah, that’s the spirit. Come back and ride the Cain Train.” No one likes the dude named after the thing the catcher wears, but at least he’s vaguely competent.

      I didn’t know that about Jobs and philanthropy. Not really surprised. He seems like a conflicted character in many ways. He was really good at glimpsing the future and getting talented people to hew to his ideas…sort of like Rick Rubin. Not like Gandhi or Jesus.

      Famewhore would be a good name for a band.

  15. Perhaps the Dust masterminded the entire Kardashian Kraze, unfurled the Herman Cain harassment allegations, arranged for Lindsay to be able to finish her Playboy shoot before reporting to jail, and is currently in the bunker at Apple headquarters trying to polish the fruit, so to speak.
    Think about it….

  16. Dana says:

    As I was reading through these comments it was suddenly ridiculously clear to me who writes as The Dust. And then by the time I got to the end, it had flown from my brain. WTF? And now it’s there… like that wisdom gained while smoking the ganja, bouncing around in the dusty corners of my mind and remaining just out of reach.

    UGH. I was probably wrong anyway. heh.

    So until I recover that elusive knowledge, I’ve arbitrarily chosen James Franco.

    And I think Fabian is Greggles.

    I’m not a big fan of Rushdie, (I find his writing dense.. florid? perhaps? I don’t think I’ve ever made it through a whole book) but this cracked me up:

  17. Jeffro says:

    J. Angelus Dust has taken a leave of absence because J. Angelus Dust has been in swing states trying to sell his Job bill.

  18. Steve Jobs… the guy always reminded me of Kerouac. Loved by the whole world, but an absolute dick nonetheless. I wouldn’t like to have known him, that’s for sure. His products are cool, I guess, although I’ve never held an iPad, used a Mac, and haven’t seen an iPod since the Nano came out.

    Dust… I think I saw him working at one of the fake Apple stores downtown, pretending to be Steve Jobs.

  19. I would quite happily watch Kim Kardashian’s caboose, all day long. In fact, if I click a quick Google search…

    Paydirt!

  20. Sting has had tantric sex that lasted longer than that.

    Brilliant! I wouldn’t know any of the Kardashians if they fell on me from the sky–which would be unfortunate for me, since I wouldn’t then know that I should sue the offending, sky-falling Kardashian for several billion dollars–but anything is funny when paired with “Sting has had tantric sex that’s lasted longer than that.” I think that’s my new line now, for absolutely everything. Thank you.

    Where IS the Dust?

    • Greg Olear says:

      My original idea was “I’ve had orgasms that lasted longer than that,” but it seemed too crude. And, also, and alas, I haven’t.

      Ah, Dust. Something tells me we have not seen the last of him…

  21. Seth Pollins says:

    I excitedly purchased a MacBook Pro one night last year. I spent the evening just walking by and looking at it. The next morning I commenced work on the thing. It was a truly awful experience. After a half hour I felt somewhat dizzy. Within an hour, I was suffering from visions. Another half hour and I was projectile vomiting in the bathroom. This is not a joke. I’m deadly-serious. Apparently, there is something about the LED display that makes certain people experience symptoms similar to vertigo. I learned this by googling “MacBook dizzy” on my iPhone. Thankfull, Best Buy allowed me to exchange the computer for a Sony Vaio.

    Totally agree with the cell phone comment.

    Herman Cain is laughable.

    Your Kardashian comments are hilarious and astute.

    • Greg Olear says:

      Thanks, Seth! I didn’t know that about the vertigo, but I’m not surprised. Part of their sinister plan to make like the Manchurian Candidate with Apple users everywhere…

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