First things first, is this an intentional look you are going for here?
What about it?
You look like a lieutenant in whatever army Coldplay started.
Alright, alright. If it bugs you that much, I will take it off. There. That better?
A bit. But just so you know, wearing blue and white striped shirts makes you look like some kid of nautical bumblebee.
I think I was a pirate in a previous life. So are we seriously just going to talk about my clothes?
No, let’s talk about something else. What are your interests?
Fascinating. Why people find you interesting is beyond me.
In a world where carpenters get resurrected, anything is possible.
Do you always quote Katharine Hepburn lines when you can’t think of anything witty to say?
Can I have some wine?
No. Now what, in your opinion, is the best compliment you ever received?
An old man with a shrimp tail stuck in his beard called me a fire hazard.
What a fascinating story. You should write that down and tell it at parties.
I can talk about my dog. I am really good at talking about my dog.
What is his name?
No, Zissou. Like Captain Zissou from The Life Aquatic.
I see. Is your dog also an alcoholic submarine captain?
Only during the summer.
Anything else you like talking about?
What a riveting topic. What is your opinion of socks?
You should be totally unaware of my socks. That is, like, my philosophy on socks.
You are a total waste of my time.
Can I have some wine now?