i am going to rip a bone out of my leg and play it like an instrument,
producing a sound like the one that windows make when a
train rolls by
i am going to shave my moustache and take the little hairs out of my sink
with a damp kleenex and glue them all together to
spell ‘EVERYBODY EVER’
i am going to cut my ears off with the pliers of hope
i am going to gauge my eyes with the broken screwdriver of luck and chance
i am going to pull my tongue and teeth out with my bare hands,
and feel surprised –
as if this wasn’t already a daily occurrence
i am going to hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil
bitches…
i am going to glue my newly assembled moustache back on with “super-glue” that will prove to be D grade in quality and highly ineffective
as time elapses and my real one starts to grow back
i am going to sneak to my downstairs bathroom while you are asleep, so you don’t hear the noises i make when i poop
i am going to drink until i throw up and then drink more, because i can and because i have enough alcohol and because it seems okay
i am going to call somebody i do not know and say “andy, i hate you.”
and they will say, “this is not andy, this is julia roberts. i think you have the wrong number”
and i will say, “i am sorry. i have always done better with concepts than with names and details.”
i am going to remember “that one time when…” with a sense of vague longing and then i am going to think about the implications of that memory and stab my brain with a sharp loaf of bread
“julia roberts, i hate you.”
i am going to become increasingly self-absorbed and call myself an “existentialist”
and you will look confused
and i will say “we are confused.”
and you will look more confused
and i will say “it is okay.”
and we will say “it is okay.”
i am going to smile and jump around and produce amazing kittens that will fall from my butthole and run away and then i am going to contemplate suicide and fall asleep with a half-empty bottle of whiskey in my hand, because it is impossible to feel any other way than these two ways ever.
i am going to be amazing and free and happy once i decide to be
i honestly feel like i am capable of doing something amazing
I enjoyed this. It made kittens jump out my butthole. Before this I was contemplating suicide. Your youthful joy and amazement with discovering the world is very palpable. Julia Roberts has too big of lips. Only people with a uteris over 30 like her. Poop fears are funny too. I enjoyed this.
Wow! I love this – there are so many wonderful words and lines that produce such great visual images.
You most definitely are capable of doing something amazing.
sweet… the first two stanzas are my fave ones
@brian, hehe / thank you
@jude, thank you
@darren, thank you