Please explain what just happened.
I farted, sorry.
What is your earliest memory?
Sucking, really. I remember that I totally sucked at everything I did. I was crawling three limbs instead of four and I couldn’t breast feed (in that case I sucked by not sucking).
If you weren’t a musician, what other profession would you choose?
I think I would have been a podiatrist. I just love baby feet.
Please describe the current contents of your refrigerator.
6 bottles of water, 1 container of half and half, a half jar of Jiffy Creamy Peanut Butter with back wash, 2 bottles of Seagram’s Ginger Ale, 4 sticks of Land O’ Lakes salted butter, 1 carton of milk, fake bacon bits and real lemon juice… but the Pièce de résistance is the brain of Joseph Stalin in the crisper! (I won it on Ebay.I bid on Vladimir Lenin but I lost that one to Slade Ham.Never bid against a master, apparently.)
Is there a time you wish you’d lied?
Yes, when I said that I WANTED to sleep with Madonna.
What would you say to yourself if you could go back in time and have a conversation with yourself at age thirteen?
Stay away from that crazy chick.She has a hairpiece!
If you could have only one album to get you through a breakup, what would it be?
“The Pod,” by Ween.
What are three websites, other than your email, that you check on a daily basis?
TMZ ,The Onion, and YouPorn.
From what or whom do you derive your greatest inspiration?
What change do you want to be in the world?
Change for $1,000,000.
If you could relive one moment over and over again, what would it be?
How are you six degrees from Kevin Bacon?
I was named after him, but our threesome makes it no separation at all!
What makes you feel most guilty?
What would you most like to have invented?
What is the worst piece of advice you’ve ever gotten?
Don’t have sex.
What is the best advice you’ve ever given to someone else?
Don’t have sex.
What do you consider the harshest kind of betrayal?
Butt sex, on me, courtesy of Madonna.I don’t really want to talk about it without my lawyer present.
Of all the game shows that have graced our TV screens throughout history, which one would you want to be a contestant on and why?
“What’s My Line?” because I am obviously hilarious.
What do you want to know?
What would you like your last words to be?
I came. I swore. I’m lying.
Please explain what will happen.
I will most likely fart again.