BROOKVILLE, OH

Summer ‘08

“Sleep yourself tight.” –Alice Tobin

“Hey Jim, this headstone says W. A. Goner. That’s funny.” –AT, to Jim Tobin while walking through a cemetery. The headstone actually read “WAGONER”.

“I deserve a paper plate that’s as strong as I am.” Paper plate commercial

“I’m a connoisseur of my own taste”.— AT

“Next thing we’re gonna get is a miniature one of these that has the attitude of a rabid lion.” –Overweight, overly-friendly 50-year-old man talking to a young woman in reference to the chihuahua she’s petting on her lap, which was clearly already pretty miniature, at O’Hare airport, Terminal G, gateG1A. The woman smiled flatly in response, and then, after a second the man added, “Ah-heh-heh”, somewhat nervously.

 

“Hey, this shirt looks like you – it’s ugly.”–AT
“Huh?”–Kip Tobin
“It looks like your style, you know, off the wall.”–AT
“I look off the wall? What does that like look like?”–KT
“You know, the funky stuff you like to wear.”–AT
“So off the wall the wall and funky are synonyms for ugly?”–KT
“You know what I mean.”–AT

“I have five vowels and two continents”–AT, playing scrabble.

“Would you like a piece of chewable gum?” –AT

“If you’re in an accident and you are wrongly hurt, you need a tiger on your side. Call on your tiger at Jones, Steinberg and Ashley.” TV Commercial, Law firm company with one of those three surname titles like “Jones, Steinberg and Ashley” (names falsified in order to protect the true identities of the tigers).

“Might as well jump from the fireplace into the fire.” –AT

Christmas ‘08

“When America coughs, America reaches for Delsym.” –Delsym commercial

“You said you’re not hungry…you want some dinner?” –AT

“He was like the Tasmanian devil on…something.” Jim Tobin (the expression here refers to using some kind of drug, such as “on drugs” or “on coke”).

“My family has a personality for every kind of greeting card. My mom for example likes those funny cards. [forced laughter] My daughter, she likes the sweet ones. My son, he likes the technical ones. And my husband, well, he likes the simple ones. [more forced laughter]” –Greeting card commercial heard over the radio while at the gym. My question: What are technical greeting cards?

“This weather’s horrible; I can feel it in my knees.” –AT
“Really, even after they replaced them? What are they made of?” –KT
“Plutonium.” –AT
“What? That’s impossible.” –KT
“I mean…, what’s the name of that stuff?” –AT
“Titanium?” –KT.
“Yeah, titanium.” –AT.
“Phew, I was going to say.” –KT

“Mmmm. Fresh, tasty food served up with a great big side of nice. That’s what it means to Get Culverized.” –Pamphlet cover for Culver’s To-Go Menu.

Summer ‘09

“Whatever floats your booty… Is that how they say that?” –AT

“Oh, this is one of those brain tweezers.” –AT, referring to a question in a board game we were playing.

“How much is that in English?” –AT, after I told her something costs 250 euros.

“We are corroding these kids.” –AT, referring to how often her and Jim Tobin play poker with their grandchildren.

“Do you know where that little silver get up thing is?” –AT to JT, referring to a travel alarm clock.

“My chicken scratches.” –AT’s name for crow’s feet (wrinkles formed around one’s eyes).

“This makes the T-class submarine a T-Rex with jaws that would rip apart her enemy’s fire power.” –Military channel “Top 10 submarines of all time.”

“He talks kind of slutty for being such a well-educated man.” –AT in reference to a long-time family friend.

“That’s the horse calling the kettle black.” –AT, making yet another expression her own.

“Kraft has more cheese than the other guys. I guess that’s why they call the Kraft’s macaroni and cheese the cheesiest.” –Cheesy Kraft cheese commercial.

“I’ve never denied having a big mouth. I don’t, but I’ve never denied it.” –AT, confounding meaning.

“Smelly good stuff.” –AT’s name for deodorant.

“Probably definitely.” –AT’s reply to the question, “Do you think we’ll go out to eat after the movie?”

“I came out to say goodnight to you but I couldn’t find you and figured you were still yick-yacking.” –AT, while opening and closing her left hand which made it look kind of like a puppet or a duck with a mouth that keeps opening and closing automatically.

“Yick-yacking” –AT’s word for “talking”.

“Life is filled with different passions. Now there’s a phone that lets you flow among them. Check out the new Palm PreLaunch Flow, and follow your passion.” –Advert on Facebook

“Do they have Euros on Mexico?” –AT

“We’ll clutch out at 9:30 am from F&S.” –jargon used at the Dayton Ohio HOG (Harley Owner’s Group) meeting to mean “start” or “leave”.

“I washed him down and put him the driveway to dry.”–AT in answer to the question: “Did you put away the indian?”

“If I had a heart attack and died, all of my worries would be solved”. –AT

“It’s not that I don’t like sushi, it’s just that it doesn’t appeal to me…ever.” –AT

“Why don’t you guys call it ‘Waiting for Tom Waits’?” –AT in reference to a script Ryan Day and I wrote called ‘Waiting for Tom” that is inspired by Tom Waits.

“Didya know that North Carolina has more Spaniards per capital than most other states?” –Cleaning lady at my parents’ house.

“My muscles ached all over. I felt this deep lingering pain that was a complete mystery to me. My doctor diagnosed it as fibromyalgia muscle pain. And then he recommended Lyrica. Fibromyalgia is thought to be the result of overactive nerves that cause chronic widespread pain. Lyrica is FDA approved to help relieve the unique pain of fibromyalgia. And with less pain, I can do more during my day. How sweet is that? [a softer in volume but firmer in tone voice over begins] Lyrica is not for everyone. Talk to your doctor about any serious allergic reaction that causes swelling or affects breathing or skin, or changes in eye site including blurry vision or muscle pain with fever or tired feeling. Lyrica may cause suicidal thoughts or actions…” –Pfizer commercial for their new drug called Lyrica.

“She really was nice and all, but she just didn’t do a perfunctionary job.” –AT talking about the girl behind the counter at the Dreamy Weenie, a new local hot dog restaurant who seemed really put out that nine of us walked in one Sunday afternoon.

“Watch my purse Jim.” –AT to JT while getting up to excuse herself to go to the bathroom. This wouldn’t seem odd save for the fact that they were both playing cards at Kent and Jane’s house, a couple they’ve known for over 40 years.

“Why don’t you put that in your book and smoke it.” –AT, right before I wrote what she said down in my book.

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catering
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outdoors
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A bad girl
appetite
attitude
movies
rendezvous
sex
toys
business
fashion
fitness
health
lifestyle
news
Small tools
Street fashion
The recipe
travel
hygiene
industry
invest
markets
medical
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technique
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fitness
nutrition
Nutritious food
routine
training
video
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art
fashion
health
music
photography
sports
The recipe
tourism
travel
hygiene
industry
invest
markets
medical
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Real estate
technique
animation
car
games
Motor car
movies
music
news
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tutorial
business
cookbook
fashion
fitness
health
magazine
news
sports
Street fashion
travel
Big data
business
Fashion show
fitness
health
lifestyle
Small tools
The recipe
A bad girl
Reduce weight
Street fashion
health
The recipe
Fitness equipment
Nutritious food
Classic cars
Classic cars
Fashion magazine
Small tools
The recipe
Motor car
Science and technology
Lose weight
Reduce weight
A bad girl
catering
outdoors
Reduce weight
science
stretch
training
Street fashion
The recipe
Fitness equipment
Nutritious food
Classic cars
evaluation
technique
transact
Classic cars
technique
transact
business
Fashion magazine
Fashion show
Female models
fitness
health
lifestyle
Small tools
The recipe
travel
animation
car
games
Motor car
movies
music
news
Science and technology
tutorial
catering
health
Lose weight
outdoors
Reduce weight
science
stretch
training
A bad girl
appetite
attitude
movies
rendezvous
sex

business
fashion
fitness
health
lifestyle
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industry
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nutrition
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training
video
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art
fashion
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The recipe
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industry
invest
markets
medical
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animation
car
movies
music
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business
cookbook
fashion
fitness
health
magazine
news
sports
Street fashion
travel
Big data
business
Fashion show
fitness
health
lifestyle
Small tools
The recipe
A bad girl
appetite
attitude
movies
rendezvous
sex
toys
catering
health
outdoors
Reduce weight
science
stretch
training
business
cookbook
fashion
fitness
health
magazine </a
news
sports
Street fashion
travel
art
fashion
health
music
photography
sports
The recipe
tourism
travel
hygiene
invest
markets
medical
Motor car
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technique
animation
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games
Motor car
movies
music
news </a
Science and technology
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business
Street fashion
Big data
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Small tools
The recipe
A bad girl
Reduce weight
Street fashion
The recipe
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Classic cars
Classic cars
technique
transact
Fashion magazine
Fashion show
Female models
Small tools
The recipe
Motor car
Science and technology
Lose weight
Reduce weight
A bad girl
Small tools
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The recipe
Motor car
Real estate </a
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The recipe
Motor car
Real estate
Motor car
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Street fashion
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Small tools </a
The recipe
A bad girl
Reduce weight
Street fashion
art
fashion
health
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sports
The recipe
tourism
travel
Fitness equipment
fitness
nutrition
Nutritious food </a
routine
training
video
Yoga
Classic cars
evaluation
technique
transact
Classic cars
technique
transact
business
Fashion magazine
Fashion show
Female models
fitness
health
lifestyle
Small tools
The recipe
travel
Motor car
Science and technology
Lose weight
Reduce weight
A bad girl
Reduce weight
business
cookbook
fashion
fitness
magazine
news
sports
Street fashion
travel
The recipe
Fitness equipment
Nutritious food
Classic cars
Classic cars
Fashion magazine
Fashion show
Female models
Small tools
The recipe
Motor car
Science and technology
Lose weight
Reduce weight </a
A bad girl
Small tools
Street fashion
The recipe
Motor car
Real estate
Fitness equipment
Nutritious food
The recipe
Real estate
Motor car
Science and technology
tutorial
Street fashion
Big data
Fashion show
Small tools
A bad girl
appetite
attitude
rendezvous
catering
catering
Reduce weight
training
business
cookbook
fashion
fitness
magazine
news
sports
Street fashion
travel
art
fashion
health
music
photography
sports
The recipe
tourism
travel
Fitness equipment
fitness
nutrition
Nutritious food
routine
training
video
Yoga
Classic cars
evaluation
technique
transact
Classic cars
technique
transact
business
Fashion magazine
Fashion show
Female models
fitness
health
lifestyle
Small tools
The recipe
travel
animation
car
games
Motor car
movies
music
news
Science and technology
tutorial
catering
health
Lose weight
outdoors
Reduce weight
science
stretch
training
A bad girl
appetite
attitude
movies
rendezvous
sex
toys
business
fashion
fitness
health
lifestyle
news
Small tools
Street fashion
The recipe
travel
hygiene
industry
invest
markets
medical
Motor car
Real estate
technique
Fitness equipment
fitness
nutrition
Nutritious food
routine
training
video
Yoga
art
fashion
health
music
photography
sports
The recipe
tourism
travel
hygiene
industry
markets
medical
Motor car
Real estate
technique
Fitness equipment
fitness
nutrition
Nutritious food
routine
training
video
Yoga
art
fashion
health
music
photography
sports
The recipe
tourism
travel
animation
car
games
Motor car
movies
music
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Science and technology
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business
cookbook
fashion
fitness
health
magazine
news
sports
Street fashion
travel
Big data </a
business
Fashion show
fitness
health
lifestyle
Small tools
The recipe
A bad girl
appetite
attitude
movies
rendezvous
sex
toys
catering
health
Yoga
Classic cars
evaluation
technique
transact
Classic cars
technique
transact
business
Fashion magazine
Fashion show
Female models
fitness
health
lifestyle
Small tools
The recipe
travel
hygiene
markets
medical
Motor car
Real estate
animation
Motor car
Science and technology
tutorial
Street fashion
Big data
Fashion show
Small tools
The recipe
A bad girl
Reduce weight
Street fashion
Fitness equipment
Nutritious food
Classic cars
Classic cars
Fashion magazine
Fashion show
Female models
Small tools
The recipe
Motor car
Science and technology
catering
health
Lose weight
outdoors
Reduce weight
science
stretch
training
A bad girl
appetite
attitude
movies
rendezvous
sex
toys
business
fashion
fitness </a
health
lifestyle
news
Small tools
Street fashion
The recipe
travel
Motor car
Real estate
Fitness equipment
Nutritious food
hygiene
Motor car
Real estate
Motor car
Science and technology
Street fashion
Big data
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Small tools
The recipe
A bad girl <
Reduce weight
Street fashion
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fitness
nutrition
Nutritious food
routine
training
video
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art
fashion
health
music
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The recipe
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invest
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medical
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Real estate
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animation
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Motor car
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music
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Science and technology
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business
cookbook
fashion
fitness
health
magazine
news
sports
Street fashion
travel
Big data
business
Fashion show
fitness
health
lifestyle
Small tools
The recipe
A bad girl
appetite
attitude
movies
rendezvous
sex
toys
catering
health
outdoors
Reduce weight
science
stretch
training
business
cookbook
fashion
fitness
health
magazine
news
sports
Street fashion
travel
art
fashion
health
music
photography
sports
The recipe
tourism
travel
Fitness equipment
routine
training
video
Yoga
Classic cars
evaluation
technique
transact
Classic cars
technique
transact
business
Fashion magazine
Fashion show
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The recipe
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KIP TOBIN's real name is Stephen Christopher Tobin, but no one really calls him that, not even his mom. His favorite letter is "i", which is also one his least favorite words; his favorite words tend to include euphonious consonants like Ls and Rs and Ss, such as surly luscious allure. He relocated to middle America last year. He writes fiction and nonfiction but will not tweet. He's currently working on his doctorate in Latin American Literatures and Cultures, studying the intersection of the body, vision and media in contemporary Hispanic Science Fiction . If asked, he will tell you that S. Gautauma pretty much summed 'er all up when he said: All things are transient. Work out your own salvation. He's constantly in that latter process, all the while trying to become as present and aware as he possibly can in this world of simulacra and simulations. You can leave a message on the board here and he will try to get to back with you. His alter ego sometimes posts music mixes on Tip Robin's Mega Maxi Music Mix Mash (tiprobin.blogspot.com), which is unsearchable on the internet and something of a micro, gotta-be-in-the-know phenomenon. He's no longer a part of the social networking revolution. The revolution, it seems, will not be televised but rather streamed, and he hopes he's not watching it. He wishes everyone good luck whenever he can. Good luck.

3 responses to “Curiosities, Absurdities and Other General Silliness Overheard In and Around the Greater Dayton Area Between June ‘08 and October ‘09”

  1. Kathy says:

    found your comment regarding your “Dreamy Weenie” visit…. Please contact me through our website at http://www.dreamyweenie.com THANKS Kathy

  2. Carl D'Agostino says:

    Some of my favorites:

    “Made with real potatoes” Well what do they make fake mashed potatoes out of, friggin string beans? Or how about “No fat” packaged broccoli. “No salt” oranges. Boy, are these people helping me eat healthier or what?I think you must have plagiarized some of these from George Bush’s personal diary where he keeps his specialty thoughts and where he wrote his after thoughts afterward. Little Yogi Berra here too. Had me laughing as I made my dad his tuna flesh carasol. And don’t EVER let a turtle guard the hen house.

  3. […] Duck, Dayton, dirt, Don the […]

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