December 29, 2010
Sung to the tune of “Paint it Black”
I see a row of curlers and I want them taken out
My friends are on their way / I want them taken out
Sung to the tune of “Under My Thumb”
Under my name / Mom, this mail was not addressed to you
Under my name / What if this had been personal?
See it’s right there?
See how my name is there and not yours or Dad’s
The mail has come and
It’s under my name
Sung to the tune of “Let’s Spend the Night Together”
Let’s spend the evening together
Playing monopoly and eating Bagel Bites
It’s not weird because it’s Sunday
And you’re pretty funny when you’ve had a margarita
Sung to the tune of “Get Off of My Cloud”
Hey (Hey!) Mom (Mom!) / Get off of the phone!
I’m (I’m!) Still (Still!) on the goddamn phone!
Sung to the tune of “Brown Sugar”
Brown Sugar / You cook it on Butternut Squash
Brown Sugar / It’s good but really sweet
Sung to the tune of “Jumpin’ Jack Flash”
I was raised by a toothless, bearded hag,
I was schooled with a strap right across my back,
But it’s all right now, in fact it’s a gas!
But it’s all right, I’m just kidding, Mom!
It was a gas, gas, gas!