Thank you Mother Nature.

For the seasons are changing. Fall is right around the corner bearing two gifts. For one, my summer depression will soon hit the woe-is-me road for next year. And two, the 2010-11 NFL football season is here!

To hell with baseball!

And lawn bowling!

And Tiger Woods and that soft hobby that has delivered that horny misfit big cash, a divorce, and copious amounts of classy take-home-to-meet-momma beaver!

I mean enough already!

Tiger!

Is this all right with you? Huh?

Good then.

Bring on the blitz!

As you know this is prediction time, folks. Everyone and their dope man knows what’s going to go down this year.

The Saints will kiss the Lombardi once again.

Watch out for the Ravens.

The Raiders will blow as usual.

Keep an eye on the Packers.

So on and so forth.

The truth is no one knows what’s going to happen. That’s the beauty. It’s a long season full of cheers, jeers, and unpredictability. What you can count on is that weird shit is going to go down. Bad luck. Dumb luck. Fluke injuries and victories. Some teams will be sickened one month into the party and other teams will bite and claw for 16 brutal weeks and play their best football as soon as the playoffs hit.

One never knows.

Except for me.

Here we go.


The NFC

The South

The Saints took the pie last year and it was a happening sight. Some say they have a good shot at getting back to the big game. History says there’s a good chance they won’t even make the playoffs. They’re defense is sketchy, but they have Brees and a very dangerous offense to boot. They’ll put on a show no doubt. I say they make the playoffs, but it stops right there.

Falcons have what it takes to battle New Orleans for the West. They have a solid young QB in Ryan, a good running game, and a good defense. With Ron Mexico and the Dirty Bird (thank god) in their rearview mirror, Atlanta is one of those teams to keep an eye out for in 2010.

The other two teams, Carolina and Tampa, are horrible. If you see either of these teams on your team’s schedule then have a party at your house that day. BYOB.


The East

The Cowboys are the favorites to take the division. They have Romo, Austin, Bryant, Witten, a frumpy-looking coach, and all of Texas. That’s good eats. Cowboys fans span the globe and I met one the other day who barked in my ear for what seemed forever (she’s lucky she smelled good or it would have been intolerable) how the Cowboys were snatching the Lombardi this year.

“You’ll see,” she said, blowing a cigarette hit into the L.A night. “All you haters will see. Hot-ass Romo in the middle of the field talking about going to Disneyland or some shit like that. Just watch.”

“He’ll be fishing in the middle of the ocean when that trophy is raised.”

“Kiss my ass!”

I understood what that chick was talking about. The Cowboys are a good team and I expect them to be at the top of the conference at season’s end. Last year the Vikings dismantled them in the playoffs and I’m sure this year they’re looking to rewrite that nightmare.

Look for the Redskins to do a little better this year. Which is not saying much. Owner Dan Snyder (a bona fide football putz) signed McNabb and hired Mike Shanahan as the new head coach. You know, the one with the eye. The one with the Super Bowl rings. Their hope is that Shanahan will conjure up some of that Denver magic. I don’t see it. It’ll be more of the same for the Redskins: dish out a lot of fast cash for veteran players and high-profile coaches and keep losing.

It should be easy for the Giants to have a better season than last year. They ate themselves last year and just need to clean up their act. They have the talent. Saying that, their defense needs to pick it up and put the ball in Eli’s hands. If that happens then the Giants fans should have something to cheer about.

Philly ditched McNabb for Kolb and they’ll soon learn that, sure, the dance with Donovan may have run its course, but his replacement is simply not ready to lead the team to any semblance of success. Good defense. Bad offense. They’ll suck this year.


The North

Brett Favre and the Vikings almost made it to the Super Bowl last year but they blew it big time. But if Peterson can hold onto the fucking ball and the receivers can get healthy one never knows. Favre is a veteran and if he knows one thing it’s football. Minnesota fans should be optimistic.

I like the Pack this year. I think Rodgers is a kickass QB and will probably get a Super Bowl ring before he hangs up his cleats for a gig calling games for ESPN. If that offensive line can block for him and that defense can hold their own then watch out. Really.

Da Bears? Fuggedaboutit. Even if Obama gave them a you-can-believe speech before every game they’d lose more games than they’d win. Look for this to happen in 2010.

The Lions? Well, I will never pass up a chance to rip on Matt Millen so here it goes: yeah, I know that bloated jock pig is not on their payroll anymore, but his short-sighted, dimwitted, boneheaded vision of football cursed that franchise (they didn’t need any help) for all eternity. He ripped out their hearts and shitted on their puny dreams because that’s all he knew what to do. He was incapable of doing or knowing any better. Sorry Detroit. Truly.


The West

I don’t have anything to say about this crappy division so I won’t.


The AFC

The South

One word: Peyton. The Colts are still the team to beat in this division and the entire conference for that matter. Peyton is a football god and he’ll take his team into the playoffs without a doubt. Like the Saints, if the defense can hold their own then it’s on. It’s on regardless. Peyton. Say it again: Peyton.

Jaguars. I like the quarterback and have a good friend that hails from Jacksonville. He’s a crazy fucker that builds muscle cars and like me thinks that Amy Hempel is the bomb. Other than that I have nothing to say about Jacksonville.

The Texans were supposed to have a solid year last year. They didn’t. They won’t this year either.

Vince Young has turned his shit around. I thought the man was dead in the proverbial water. But hey. The Titans have the talent to do some damage this year. They have a vicious running back in Chris Johnson and a smart coach that sports a disgusting croissant-like mustache. I’ll be there to see it when they line up against the Colts. And you should, too.


The East

The safe bet is that the Patriots will again be in the Super Bowl hunt. Brady. Brady. Brady. Moss is returning for one last dance. Oh, and Wes Welker is back and the moody coach in the hoodie will be mumbling at the podium. Enough said.

The Jets have gobs o’ players returning to the team after a solid year last year. Sure, their obnoxious coach has a foul mouth and has the class of a road apple, but he has his team believing they can win. Maybe his verbal prowess can stop Tomlinson from being a post-game pussy and get him to just run the damn football. We’ll see. Sanchez needs to keep up his chops of last year or it’s a bust for New York.

The Dolphins shocked a few people last year when they ended the season at 7-9. One would think they’d be better this year. But because I inherently loathe the Dolphins I say they’re going to stink up the field. Let’s hope.

The Bills are perfectly horrible. Again, if you see the Bills on your team’s schedule chalk it up as a win.


The North

The defense-heavy Ravens should be in the fight once again. The Ravens have a thing for playing spoiler and I can see them making the playoffs and knocking off a team or two with a better record. Last year they smacked around the favored Patriots on national TV. It was a pure ass whooping. It’s what they do. I find Ray Lewis to be an utter bore with his lame two-bit sermons, but the man is an animal on the field and has the power to will his team to victory. I’ve seen it happen one too many times.

Roethlisberger’s off-the-field shenanigans have suspended that super genius for four games. If the Steelers can get passed this mess with a couple of wins they’ll be all right. Ben is still a good QB and the Steelers are, well, the Steelers. They know how to win. I look for them to make a run for the playoffs this year.

The Bengals should have an explosive offense this year with the acquisition of T.O and his big teeth. Let it be known that I think that man is a perfect asshole and hope he takes a short slant route right into Ray Lewis’ helmet and his world fades to black. Ray, I already told you that you bore me, but for the love of god, homie, if you have a love for humanity and god the way you claim that you do then you’d take that degenerate out. You have at least two chances this year. Put it to good use, dog.

Forget about the Browns once again this year. Most do.


The West

The Chargers have dominated this cheap division for some time and should have no problem taking it again and go into the playoffs. Good QB. Gates. Sproles. So-so defense and a coach with great infomercial skin. What else can you ask for? A Super Bowl ring? Oh.

The Broncos? Last year they came out of the gate punching and kicking and then petered out when it counted the most. I don’t like Orton. Nothing personal, but he’s not a leader. They’ll be watching the playoffs with you and me.

The Raiders stink but should have a better season than the Chiefs who stink even more. Like last year, pay no mind to either of these pathetic teams.

Whew. That’s it, folks. Lame utterances and fast picks void of solid ESPN research. Straight gibberish. Just the way it should be. Now, it’s time to call my dope man and find out what he thinks. So fire up the grill. Break out the hooch and the brauts. See you at the stadium.


TAGS: , , , , , , , , , ,

RENO J. ROMERO was born in the badlands of El Sereno, California. A bona fide Las Vegan, he also lived in the dirty South for three miserable years, where he was introduced to depression, grits, humidity, and sweet tea. A graduate of UNLV, the Southern Nevada Writing Project, and seedy bars, he enjoys Chinese food, Tamron Hall, the Trickster, and football. He currently writes poetry, short fiction, and creative nonfiction from the California desert, living among rattlesnakes, old bones, and biker speed. He's been published in various publications including Falling From the Sky (short story anthology), Celebrity Poets, and Central Speak. He can be reached at [email protected]

62 responses to “Smells Like Football Spirit”

  1. Great to see another Reno football post.

    I’m going to a game this year— the Wembley game, of course.

    It’s like half four in the morning over here so I’ll say more tomorrow.

    • Reno J. Romero says:

      football is here, james, and life couldn’t be more grand. wembly? ooooooh. sounds divine. okay, see you at the 50 yard line.. you bring the hot dogs i’ll bring the whiskey…

  2. Matt says:

    Sigh.

    If the Chargers’ performance during these preseason games is any indication, it’s not gonna be much of a season at all.

    You, Reno, by contrast are most likely on it. I predict you turn out to be TNB’s answer to Paul the octopus.

    Hope your summertime blues are fading with the sun, amigo.

    • Reno J. Romero says:

      matt-

      have no charger fear. they’re a good team and should, like i mentioned, take the west. the blues? consider that crap GONE! football is here. and that means good times….later, bro.

  3. Zara Potts says:

    Reno,
    If anyone’s going to turn me on to football – it will be you.
    So good to see you back, D. Now, how about some predictions for Southern Hemisphere Rugby? There’s a game…
    I’m fucken’ outta here!
    X Zeeeeeee.

    • Reno J. Romero says:

      beautiful z-

      hey! well, all apologies since i don’t have any rugby predictions. but when you come state side again or i make the trip across the hemisphere we’ll chat all things sports and a few other things. i adore you. and football. here we go. hut one. hut two. smash. punch. scream. see you in the stadium, dawlin’.

  4. Joe Daly says:

    Brother, I am so stoked for some football, I can hardly stand it. Well freaking done! Great breakdown heading into the great unknown that is week 1. Promise to re-visit this article at the end of the season?

    Rock on, brother!

    • Reno J. Romero says:

      joe-

      thanks for chiming in. oh, sir, you KNOW what’s going down. it’s here, bro. like you, i can hardly stand it. i have it bad and it gets worse every year. go figure. anyhow, i’ll be with you for every pass, kick, bitch, cheer, etc. it just has to be. another post? you bet. always. perhaps you should throw me/us a post? you know, w/ a lil’ iron maiden in the background.

  5. Erika says:

    Reno,

    Once again you’ve managed to capture my heart! Not only by posting your yearly football perfections but with your great way of putting words together.
    I hate to see summer go, but fuck, as you know, here in vegas we only really deal with 4 months of “cold.” However football is back and I couldn’t be any happier….well actually if my Cowboys are at Disneyland at the end of the season as your new pal predicted I will be the happiest girl in pigskin heaven.

    • Reno J. Romero says:

      erika-

      good morning, sunshine. watch out for the cowboys. they should take the east and head into the playoffs w/ ease. well, of course, barring odd stuff like injuries, etc. please tell vegas i said hello and that i’ll see her soon.

      wait!

      band of horses will be playing the joint. go see them. you’d look great in the crowd. football and good jams? you bet. see you around the bend, sis. take care.

  6. Erika says:

    *predictions* not perfections. Goddamn spell check on this goddamn blackberry.

  7. Judy Prince says:

    Greets to you, reno, who made me enjoy what’s like a language from bozongaville bcuz I don’t get the slightest glimmer of an understanding of feetsbol. But like our darling romantic girl, Zara, if anybody’s gonna make me get the game, reno’s gonna do it.

    Greets to Irwin, as well, who, like my best (male) English friend over here loves USAmerican feetsbol.

    Myself, I’m partial to any sport that has teams of male persons wearing nearly no uniform or a spandex version of one—-and mounted on horses galloping after each other with blood in their eye. Me and Irene love that whole men on horses thing (Royal Canadian Mounties, oh yeah!).

    Bless you, my reno j, for your writing from the heart.

    • Reno J. Romero says:

      judy

      as usual your comments are too sweet! okay, football! i say this season you and mr. november break out some burgers, some cold ones, and get the season going. this is it. this is now! there’s a lot of chatter this time o’ the year. so make ur predictions, get some fantasy play, get some,,,,football. anyhow, hope the writing is rockin’ and rollin’. i’m sure it is. bye, judy.

      • Judy Prince says:

        reno, when you said “mr november,” for a minute I thought of a males-dressed-only-in-tiny-frilly-aprons calendar I got 5 yrs ago. Mr july really had it goin on.

        Due to my being a White Person, hence fitting the Brian Eckert White Folks Criteria, I’ll have to throw back Cabernet Sauvignon from France (those cheese-eating surrender monkeys) whilst daintily, and with appropriate sterling silver cutlery, parsing a veggie burger.

        It’s the non-White Folks parts of me that truly ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

        play it as it lays, dear reno j, and keep writing your socks off—-we’re worth it!!

        cheddar cheese and pretty much anything

        Judy

        • Reno J. Romero says:

          judy!

          ha! ur too cute. i’ll keep writing and long as you do the same. veggie burger? gawd, i love those morning star patties. dee-lish. w/ pepperjack chz, some relish, a lil’ lettuce and some mustard? good god…

          mr. july, eh? naughty woman! but hey: if you say so! ha! mr. july…

          well, let’s go mr. september. for this is the month. for whites and non-whites. football is like humping, judy: it’s a universal thing. hell, break out the wine, the veggie patties, the carne asada, the turkey bacon, the menudo! do WHATEVER it takes. football is here. jump into the football river, judy. for the water feels fine.

          mustard and raw onions,
          reno j

        • Judy Prince says:

          Now I’ve *got* to have lunch, reno j. OH, you said morningstar veggie burgers—-THE best! Who’d guess that some nasty veg would be so tasty? Must have some kinda culinary dyno-mite in that recipe that’s not on the ingredients list. Reminds of In and Out veggie burgers in L.A.

          You’ve got the whole plan: “morning star patties. dee-lish. w/ pepperjack chz, some relish, a lil’ lettuce and some mustard? good god…”

          And add the raw onions. Onion breath—-almost as good as garlic breath!

          So that’s what football is like, huh, reno: humping? I can’t quite see the similarity, but football for addicted fans prolly does feel that way.

          I’ll think about that. Hmmmm……mr july had great dimples, if you know what I mean. heh heh.

          chitlins with hot sauce,

          judy

        • Reno J. Romero says:

          judy-

          judy let it be known: i love you. okay! i said it for all those to hear. fuck em! tell mr. november he just has to understand. you want raw onions of that burger? you bet! hell, let’s toss on some green peppers and some sauteed toMATO to boot. or, heck, let’s throw on some turkey sandwich meat and cover that fucker in wasabi-mayo! hey: i’m game and very dangerous that way. just the way i roll. and salad. you know reno loves a good salad. good gawd. so it’s a date. a lil’ salad with some bleu chz ON THE SIDE, a dee-lish veggie burger and some schlitz. i’m a classy man, missy. i’ll show you the stars. albeit tattered stars. judy, you’re fun. much appreciation for the comments. see you in the buffet line.

          tripas and corona,
          reno jess romero

        • Judy Prince says:

          Buff at the buffet, it is, reno j! No reason to let those dimples go to waste.

          BLEU cheese, pretty pleeeezzzz!! But not on the side. Mr november understands I need my veggie burgers…..

          Lemme tell you about the time I went to Coldstone’s for ice cream, and thought I’d get a free t-shirt they said you’d get if you ate a bowlful of wasabi-ginger ice cream. I said “Bring it on, Dude, I’m game. Put that wasabi-ginger s—- in the styrofoam bowl and watch me.” (I’d requested a teensy spoonful of it just to be sure, and that stuff was tasty, fur real.)

          OK, so I lit into the bowl and almost spit it onto the dude’s white uniform, but realised I wouldnae get a free t-shirt if I weakened. So I said, “Look, it’s too crowded in here and my friend’s outside, so I’ll be back, ok?” I chucked that wasabi-ginger ice cream into the bin as soon as I got out the door, waited 10 minutes, walked in with the empty bowl and asked for my free t-shirt. Dude had that Look in his eye, but he gave me a nice white Coldstone’s t-shirt and a big smile.

          I love reno j!

          with nutella on chocolate mint ice cream,,,,,,,hold the wasabi and ginger :P;;;;;;

  8. James D. Irwin says:

    My brother’s saying a Cowboys-Chargers super bowl.

    I can see it, but I hope it doesn’t happen.

    Looking forward to the new season and more of your writing on football, which ranks alongside my favourite pieces of sportswriting’

    Should get to watch more of it this year living with my brother and staying up into the early hours. Missed almost all of last season, which was a shame.

    I think the Patriots have got a good chance this year. I mean, Brady is steadily regaining his old form. I read somewhere he had a broken rib or two last year. Probably not true, but I think the long injury is valid reason enough for his form last year— which wasn’t bad, just not as good as pre-injury.

    • Reno J. Romero says:

      mr. irwin-

      cowboys/chargers? you bet. why not? rivers is one cocky fucker. he can go into indy w/ ease and take those fuckers out. i’ve seen it before. the cowboys? i’m a lil’ iffy about those dudes. now hear me out: they’re good. there’s no doubt about that. but i think there’s a couple of other NFC teams that could and would fuck them up on any given sunday. barring injuries and whatnot, i like GB. rodgers is da shit. i like him. i like his attitude. and i expect that dude to rip some defenses apart this year. i’ll take them. but guess what? none of us know what the hell is going to happen. so let’s listen to the narrative and get hammered along the way. it’s gonna be a hoot.

      • James D. Irwin says:

        I’d prefer to see Rodgers at the super bowl over Romo.

        But yeah, let’s just watch what happens. I’ve given up trying to predict what will happen in sports. I’m terrible at it

  9. Irene Zion says:

    Reno,

    I don’t understand a word of what you say, seeing as how I am sport-challenged, but it is sure a sweet thing to wake up and find out that you have returned.

    • Reno J. Romero says:

      irene-

      hello there. no need to know all this football junk. all you need to know is that i like you and that the pixies are a great band. nice to hear from you…

  10. Jim Lyons says:

    Reno,

    Nice to see you back here again! I’m thinking a Cowboy/Raven Super Bowl. Yep. The Cowboys will be the first team ever to play in their home stadium for the Super Bowl.

    • Reno J. Romero says:

      lyons-

      hello honey bunny! you know when i rip on millen it’s for you. fuck that pig. but let’s not be so negative so early in the A.M. i mean, right? but wait! no lions/pats super bowl? hmm. one never knows grasshoppa. one never knows. miss you, bro. hope all is well.

      always,
      your brother reno.

  11. I wish I knew enough about the sport to pass an intelligent comment. But a while ago I heard an American woman cheering on the soccer team with some words of wisdom that I think might be at home in the NFL: “Run faster, America! Run faster!”

    • Reno J. Romero says:

      david-

      good morning. no need to know football. but run faster is always the way to go. thanks for reading, sir.

  12. You know how I am, Reno: born deficient of the televised sports gene. But oh how I do so love to read you when you write about it.

    Hope you’re well, my friend.

    • Reno J. Romero says:

      dear rich-

      hello handsome. you know, rich, i’ve been throwing out these lame football posts for some years now and you always tell me something like: reno, i don’t know any of this mess, etc. and you know what? that’s what i love about you. well, hell, i love many things about you. just sayin’. but if the gods give us the nod, i’ll find you one of these sundays and we’ll take in a game over a delicious cobb salad or a rack of hearty ribs. you call it. no sports for you, sir. leave that stuff to us misfits screaming and yelping for no damn good. well, it IS good. fall is here, and that means football. and that means smiles. catch you hanging on the wire, rich. miss you gobs.

  13. Steve says:

    Well, What can I say “You must be ready for some FOOTBALL” Good to see you on again, would be better to see you in person.

  14. Richard Cox says:

    Here we are now, Reno, entertain us with your annual NFL predictions!

    Actually, I do feel sort stupid and contagious because I’m picking Dallas to reach the Super Bowl. I realize that may sound like a bandwagon pick, but I’ve stuck with this team which is often ridiculous for three decades, out of a sense of loyalty that I first contracted as a child. So anyway…

    Dallas has all the talent in the world. Their offensive line is patchwork at the moment, which could pose a problem, but there’s no good reason why next year they shouldn’t be hosting the Super Bowl in their own brand-new stadium.

    Except one. Mr. Staypuft. And yeah, Wade has lost weight, but still. The man is soft. No killer instinct. And like it or not, a team’s personality is usually the coach’s. So if Dallas is going to win they are going to have to rise above the coach, and in the NFL talent alone is usually not enough.

    But I’m going to believe anyway. Because I don’t have any other choice.

    And yeah, I think the idea of Chargers-Cowboys is as good as any right now. I’d love to see it. Norv Turner deserves to be there. I really hate Philip Rivers, but he’s good. And San Diego’s running game has what it takes.

    I’ll be looking forward to reading your updates throughout the year. And keeping the faith.

    By the way, did she ever show you her twat? Or was her libido a mosquito?

  15. Reno J. Romero says:

    mr. richard-

    hey, sir. well, here we go again, bro. no bandwagon shit here: the boys are bona fide. i know this is ur team and u (and me for that matter) look forward to see what happens. see, i love football more than one team. the better the competition the happier i am. the cowboys are golden. but here’s the deal: last year me (along w/ countless others) saw them get their asses kicked by the vikings. i thought they’d win that game, but they didn’t. yes, ur right, that was last year but that score is still floating around in my lame football head. saying that, that division is theirs for the taking. someone mentioned ravens/cowboys SB. i SO can see that. but what does thsa shit mean now, mr. cox? nothing. that’s why they play the game.

    wait!

    the cowboy girl? no that fucker did NOT show me her bits. but i would have taken them. or it. but you know i have a thing for country girls. if i ever see you in OK i’ll try and hook in ur friends. girlfriends that is. go dallas. go football.

  16. I will always go immediately to any post about football in a depressingly Pavlovian way. I think the Packers are the under-the-radar team that will bust out this year. Maybe even super bowl. Jets are getting too much play, but they are really good. I can’t believe you cheesed my team, the 49ers, so hard. No comments at all, not even derisive stuff about Alex Smith? Ah, well. They are going to be vastly improved. Maybe even make a little noise in the playoffs. As long as Dallas loses every single game, everything’s ok here.

    • Reno J. Romero says:

      sean-

      hey, sir. first, thanks for the comment. didn’t mean to diss the nfc west. in fact, i’ve seen more niner games (in the flesh) than any other club. but i hate the west. NOT because of the niners but because i hate the rams. sure, they’re no longer an L.A team (where i grew up and was surrounded by countless rams assholes–my pleasure was when they lost to the steelers (that’s my team) in the SB over the hill in pasadena), but still. can the niners win this year? you bet. i have always felt that that lose to the viks last year killed them. they had the game in hand and never recovered the rest of the year. you being a niner fan know this. we’ll see. like i wrote: any shit-talking now is just that. go niners. why not. next post they get air time. wait! they just did! later, sean. do take care and thanks a lot for reading.

  17. Don Mitchell says:

    Well, Reno, at least you have the Bills as perfectly-something.

    C.J. Spiller (our new back) is exciting, though. He might do some damage but more likely will have damage done to him, thanks to a hopeless line. I always hope for good things from Edwards, but if he gets hammered a few times, he’ll lose his confidence and it won’t be pretty.

    Shit! Oh for those glory days. Yikes. The last time the Bills were any good, I could still pop a sub-40 minute 10k on a moment’s notice. Not now, oh no, not even close. Same for the Bills. Not now, oh no.

    Where do you think the Bills will go when Ralph dies? Do you hear anything? Our ears are firmly shut around here.

  18. Reno J. Romero says:

    don-

    hey man. you know i had a whole paragraph ripping on the bills. something about them blowing up their stadium and going into the restaurant biz. but see i had a roommate that hailed from buffalo. the sorrow on his face, the dreary of his day, has always halted me from talking shit about the bills. all us football folk (and even those OTHERS) know how fucked up that club is. but hold on. ur running back? sure you bet. probably will sneak in a run or two. hey give the pats and the arrogant jets something to worry about. better football for me AND you. okay, sir, i’ve bored you enough. bring on the wings, the brauts, and yes: the beer.

    hail mary,
    r

  19. Ashley Menchaca (NOLAdy) says:

    Reno!!!! Yay!

    First, “The Saints will kiss the Lombardi once again” is the most accurate statement of this whole post!

    Second, if preseason proved anything, it loved that ROMO IS UNDER RATED!! I don’t get that guy and why he is loved. Am I watching the same games as everyone else?!

    Favre. What to say…the man is a legend. He’s great! I’m glad he’s back. BUT, if his O-Line doesn’t step it up, he’s going to be on his ass more times than we count. It’s their fault he spent most of last season “on the ground”.

    Other than that, we’ll have to see. I’m so happy you’re back and your summer funk is lifting. FOOTBALL!!!

    • reno says:

      ashley-

      good morning. saints on the big stage again? oh, shit: you bet. but i love brees so i’m biased. the man is a football killer. he kills! he slashes and devours. but that defense? lordy. we’ll see. last year they got all the turnovers they can get. can they do it this year? doubt it. and that MAY govern all. but we’ll see.

      to hell with the summer funk! and thanks for welcoming me back. see you around the bend NOlady. my pleasure indeed.

      oh when the saints,
      reno romero

  20. Mindy Macready says:

    The Cowboys are the favorites to take the division. They have Romo, Austin, Bryant, Witten, a frumpy-looking coach, and all of Texas.

    America’s team my ass how arrogant the whole of NFL is Americas team , I wish people would stop saying that.

    “Frumpy-Looking Coach” more like Barbara Bush(white haired one) in a sex change operation gone bad.

    Everybody loves a Cinderella and the slipper goes too…..The Detroit Lions ..Ndominant Suh will have 75 tackles 10 sacks 10 blk passes 2 interceptions and a partridge in a pear tree.

    Matthew Sheppard and Javid Best on offense …yeah! Last Night I went to sleep in Detroit City

    I gave up Jesus for football I expect a great year…go Lions!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2tJJYSfTJU&feature=related

    • reno says:

      mindy-

      ha. ur too funny. thanks for the morning giggle. you know, i’ve always hated that “america’s team” bs. oh, well. cowboy fans loom. they breed and come at you (and me) in batches. but they are far better than raider fans so i can tolerate them. the lions? geez, mindy. don’t know about that one. but you never know. my good pal who hails from MI will be thrilled to see/read your call. thanks for reading, mindy. triuly appreciate it.

      hut one,
      reno romero

  21. Ashley Menchaca (NOLAdy) says:

    Hahshaha! My phone freaked out and this came out all wrong. The statement should read

    Second, if preseason proved anything, it proved that ROMO IS OVER RATED!!

  22. Becky says:

    Skol Vikes! That is all. I’m a hockey fan who is at best a bandwagon football fan, but a do-over on that playoff season would sure make my dad happy. Me? I’ll be watching the continued downward spiral of my beloved MN Mild, frantically scrawling hate mail to every single armchair GM who said ditching Lemaire was a good idea. Fuckheads. Maybe the Gophers will be decent, but I’m basically readying my hockey-shame seppuku kit. Shit. Maybe it’s a good year to start watching football, after all. *despair*

    • reno says:

      becky-

      hello, dawlin’. good to see you here. and up and writing posts again? divine, let it be known that i am a classic/historical lover of football and the viks are one of my favorites. i remember when those fuckers played outside. yeah: i’m that old. gophers? hmm. ur funny and one witty fucker to boot. wait! becky: hockey blows. just saying. come to CA and fight me about this. we’ll MMA this one. but watch out. i’m all about the rear-naked choke. you in?

      always,
      r

      • Becky Palapala says:

        Hey, man. Hockey’s most prominent feature is not huge men in tight pants in large piles on top of one another.

        Not that there’s anything wrong with that, Mr. rear-naked choke.

        I was talking about Gopher hockey. Who gives a crap about Gopher football? That shit’s lava: Like car keys dropped in a volcano. There is no hope. It’s gone. People gotta let it go.

        • reno says:

          becky-

          couldn’t tell you about gophers hockey. but it sounds dismal. just like UNLV sports. so no word on coming out to CA for a submission or two? hmm. i remember you being more, well, punchy. okay, sis, we’ll catch up soon. give the gophers my regards. whoever they are. bye, toots.

        • Becky Palapala says:

          Gopher hockey is not like the football. I believe were are among the top three winningest college hockey teams in the country? Something like that. The last couple of seasons have been embarrassing, but we won two national championships in a row 5 or six years ago. It’s Minnesota. We have two things: Lots of water and lots of winter. That means lots of hockey.

          Herb Brooks and half the Miracle on Ice team were Gophers. The State of MN basically kicked the soviets’ asses single-handedly. That’s how Minnesotans see it, anyway.

          Our football team may suck, but our hockey will kick your hockey’s ASS all up and down those sloppy puddles you Southwesterners call ice rinks.

          (Better? Is this better? I’m old and indifferent now, so being a bitch wears me out.)

        • Becky Palapala says:

          Though, I should point out that the coach who is currently running our pro team into the ground is a record-holding former Gopher as well.

          The shame must be incredible.

  23. reno says:

    good deal, missy. but let it be known: hockey sucks. but it’s very interesting to know that the Miracle on Ice homies came from ur state. pretty cool stat. but guys on ice? must be a regional thang. i didn’t even know hockey existed until you mentioned it. just saying. really, i had to look it up. heh…

  24. D.R. Haney says:

    Rennnoooooo.

    I don’t know why I wrote that, but Zara and Ben Loory and Simon always do it, so I’m imitating them.

  25. JM Blaine says:

    Hot-ass Romo?
    Daft-ass Reno.
    Saints pro-bono.
    Sports is scripted
    LSU in the Super Bowl
    Damp-ass Louisiana
    still
    needs a push.

  26. reno says:

    11-

    sports is scripted. hot-ass romo knows this. now: stay dry.

  27. Simon Smithson says:

    Damn, brother. It’s a beautiful thing to see you back on the boards where you belong. Even if everything you say is all Greek to me. If you ever write a post explaining US football to people who don’t understand it, let me know?

  28. I’d write one of these, but then you and I would beat each other over the head with plastic wine bottles.

    Always enjoy your NFL rants. I think you’re spot on for the most part.

    I love me some Cowboys. But I wish Romo would hang it up. He couldn’t lead a victory in the playoffs unless he were suddenly part Chewbacca. And even that might not even help his ass.

  29. […] I wrote in my last NFL post no one knows how the season’s going to pan out. It’s a mystery. I yapped it up like every other […]

  30. […] I wrote before, you never know how the year is going to pan out. Some folks thought the Cowboys would be in the […]

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