Time flies.

It seems like just yesterday I was depressed because the NFL players and the owners were in a lockout. Months of negotiations. Months of nightmares. It was an anxious time that had many of us lost and nervous. A year without pro football? The reality was a soul killer. I think I read somewhere that alcohol sales doubled in that time. I think. Well, I’m happy to report that that’s a thing of the past, the world’s a better place, and now we’re halfway into the season. As expected, it’s been a beautiful thing. Big hits. Quick slants. High drama. The Pack is undefeated. The Bills are winning. Peyton is broken. Tebow loves Jesus. Yeah! I’ve won some picks and have lost some picks. I’ve sat on my lazy ass for hours watching and yelling at the TV, texting people, calling them losers, and feeding my fat face like it’s nobody’s business. I’m bona fide. There’s a lot of football to be played, people. It’s a week by week deal. Anything can happen and probably will. Here’s a quick recap of what’s going on.

Cheeseheads and Dream Eagles: The NFC

I wrote a while back that by the time Aaron Rodgers hangs up his cleats he’s going to have a championship ring. Well, now he does and is looking for another one this year. The dude is a fantastic quarterback and in my opinion the best QB in the NFL right now. Better than Brady. Better than Brees. Better than all of them and back again.  Green Bay is my pick to win the Super Bowl. Right now they’re playing lights out. The Bears stink. Cutler is about as animated as a dead armadillo. Fuck Ditka. Enough said. The Vikings. They stink, too. They’re looking at a future with Ponder, who looks pretty sharp for a rookie and just won a shootout against Cam Newton, the NFL’s darling. Their season is over (2-6), the McNabb trade a big fat bust. Here’s the deal: I like Donovan McNabb. I think he’s a great ambassador for the game. Doesn’t walk into a club with a gun and almost blow his dick off. No DUIs. Nothing. But it seems his playing days are over. It happens. If I was his ass I’d get a job yapping it up at ESPN and hug up to Erin Andrews. And what about the Lions? Good god. I wrote on these very pages that the Lions would lose for all eternity. That the stench of the lousiest football jerk-off that is Matt Millen had doomed Detroit to wallow in fresh dog turds forever. But no. Something happened. The Millen root was lifted. The Lions are winning! They have a fine QB in Stafford, a madman in Suh, and a cornerback’s nightmare in Megatron. Megatron! They’re not up there with the Pittsburghs and the Green Bays of the league, but they can make the playoffs. There’s no doubt about it. Good for them, you know? They’ve been horrendous for millions of years. Suck it, Millen.

The NFC South is all about Brees and the Saints. I like this team. I like the coach. I like his bunk knee. And more importantly I like their helmets. That’s right.  I said it. If all things stay the same they’ll take the division and make the playoffs eyeballing the Super Bowl. WHODAT! The Falcons are up and down. They have a decent running attack and their QB knows how to manage the game. That’s a good recipe for winning. This division is competitive and looks like it’ll be competitive for years to come. I think the Falcons can take the Saints. I think the Bucs can steal one from the Falcons. It just depends. And what about Cam and the Panthers? He’s no joke, and if he continues on the path he’s on we could be looking at the new kings of the South. Maybe even a championship ring. Same goes for Tampa. Why not? Like I said it’s a competitive division and that’s yummy for any football aficionado.

Right now, the Giants are the best team in the NFC East. They’re not getting much media attention, but are winning quietly. Eli knows how to win. It wouldn’t surprise me if they take the division which was supposed to be won either by the Cowboys or Eagles. The Redskins are another soul-sick team meandering around. That whole organization from top to bottom needs to be canned. Shanahan and his eye. The waterboy. The owner. All of them motherfuckers. The Cowboys are confused. Let it be known that their record doesn’t reflect how talented they are. Saying that, they’re in shambles. They look good one week and horrible the next. They just got their asses handed to them by the Eagles in front of god and everyone. It’ll be interesting to see how they react. They’ve been a favorite to take the East for years but have nothing to show for it. Mike Vick and the Eagles. When the season started they were the team to challenge the Packers. The press was all over their schnitzel. The ever moronic Vince Young (their back-up quarterback) dubbed them the “dream team.” That they were all that. But no. They weren’t. And they’re not. They just gouged Dallas, but they’re still hit and miss, and if their season goes to shit the Philly faithful will want Andy’s head. Despite their losing record, I think they’re going to make the tournament.

Okay.

Whodat.

McOver.

Ndamukong Suh.

The NFC.

 

Bad Necks and Chick Boots: The AFC

The North is a battle of two teams: the Steelers and the Ravens. They don’t like each other and will never like each other. And this makes for good football eats. The Ravens dismantled the Steelers earlier this year. They have a so-so offense, but the defense is solid, and I think it’s enough to get them to the Super Bowl. They can beat the Pats. If Flacco can step up his game and Lewis goes on a praying binge god knows what could happen. The Steelers are winning, which is to be expected. Typical story: they should get into the playoffs and make a run for the Lombardi. Ben is a playmaker and Polamalu is a monster. The Bengals are making a little noise. I like it. It would be cool to see them make a playoff run, but I don’t see it happening. Too young. Tough division. Pay no mind to the Browns. No one does. Well, except for those two drunk hot dog eating b-holes I met at The Palms last weekend.

“Go Brownies!”

The AFC South has been owned by Manning and the Colts. No other teams in that sad division have given them a fight in years. They all suck. In fact, this year the whole division sucks, including the Colts, who are minus the one person that makes them the Colts: Peyton Manning. Poor Manning. His latest neck surgery (he’s had three neck surgeries to date) will most likely have him sidelined for the entire season. There’s some speculation that he’ll never return to play again. If so, that’s horrible. Peyton is arguably one of the greatest QBs in the history of the league. He’s a great guy on and off the field. Let’s hope his days aren’t over. Anyhow, you can put your cashish on the Texans taking the division and going into the playoffs, where they’ll lose in the first round.

The Patriots are the team to beat in the AFC East. Brady is lighting up the field and has already thrown for a trillion yards. Must be those cute boots he’s walking in. Or the girl. Their defense is shabby, but as long as you have Tom throwing the ball you have a shot. The Jets. Jesus. I don’t like them. And it’s only because I don’t like the coach. Yeah, I know that’s ridiculous, but so what. They’ll probably make the playoffs. And that sucks. Buffalo! Who would have thought they’d have a winning record right now? No one. Not even Buffalo fans. I don’t think they’ll make the postseason, but they have a shot. Like the Browns, pay no attention to Miami. They’re the worst.

The AFC West has been owned by the Chargers, and they should take the division again this year. The Chargers are good. Rivers is a competitive bastard. But when they need to win they don’t. And won’t. Right now they’re a bit shaky coming off a pathetic loss to the Chiefs, but they have the talent to fix things. The Raiders don’t look too bad. McFadden is a punishing running back and they just got Carson Palmer in a trade. But he’s been sitting on his ass the whole year so we’ll see. They won’t make the playoffs. The Broncos are horrible, but they have Tim Tebow to save the day. Well, that’s what some people believe. Others believe he blows. I couldn’t care less. The Chiefs are not looking bad. They started off the season like crap, but have steadied themselves and won the last four straight games. Sweet.

So, there you go. This is the time of the season when things get really interesting. Some teams get it together and head into the tournament peaking. Others who started off the season winning fizzle out in November and December. Injuries. Spoilers. Flukes. It’s all at hand. Thanks for tuning in. Eat, drink, and remarry.

Go Brownies! 

 

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RENO J. ROMERO was born in the badlands of El Sereno, California. A bona fide Las Vegan, he also lived in the dirty South for three miserable years, where he was introduced to depression, grits, humidity, and sweet tea. A graduate of UNLV, the Southern Nevada Writing Project, and seedy bars, he enjoys Chinese food, Tamron Hall, the Trickster, and football. He currently writes poetry, short fiction, and creative nonfiction from the California desert, living among rattlesnakes, old bones, and biker speed. He's been published in various publications including Falling From the Sky (short story anthology), Celebrity Poets, and Central Speak. He can be reached at [email protected]

15 responses to “Go Brownies: The NFL 2011-12 Season”

  1. SAA says:

    I just want to say that Blaine Gabbert has the prettiest hair in the NFL. Go Steelers!

  2. New Orleans Lady says:

    Oh my God!

    First: NO ONE is better than Brees. Ugh.
    Second: You think the FALCONS will beat the SAINTS?
    I dont know you anymore, Reno. Wow…

    I thought I had more to say I’m still stuck on the falcons thing…

    Working on my picks.
    -Breesy

    • Reno Romero says:

      NOLA: Hi. Hello. Uh, Rodgers is the best QB in the NFL. Just a fact. I like Brees. He’s very delicious. But Rodgers owns the league right now – he owns football nation. But hey, NOLA, this is a good thing: the Saints are under the radar. And yes I think the Falcons can beat N.O. They all can beat each other. I also think N.O can beat the Falcons. no one owns that division. At least not in my eyeballs. OK, go Jets. Rex for President.

  3. I’m the kind of guy who yells “Go Brownies!” no matter how pathetic, sarcastic or drunk I may sound. And I will continue to yell that until the team gets sold again and moved to a mid-Atlantic city that turns them into a winning team. Anyway, thanks for throwing a milkbone here in this title.

    Also, I was stateside for Halloween and saw way too many people dressed up as Polamalu. Most of them weren’t even wearing wigs.

    • Reno Romero says:

      nat:

      hey, man. you would have loved the “brownies” guys. i will NEVER forget them. they had me rolling. i like the browns. but i’m a sucker for old teams (i loved the ol’ browns/steelers rivalry). hell, i still think the brownies have the best uniforms. no shit. especially their away uniforms. those are some happening threats, sir. am i right or am i right? go brownies!

  4. Jim Lyons says:

    Thank you for the best NFL recap I’ve read, and believe me, I’ve read a ton of them. I’m thinking Andy Dalton might be the most underappreciated and overlooked player this year. Showdown in Motown Thanksgiving. Lions vs the Pack. Awesome!

  5. Reno Romero says:

    lyons: dalton looks good. i saw a special on rookies going into the NFL. he was one of them. smart dude. tall. good skills. hey, one never knows. right? well, my friend let’s hope that the millen root is gone for good. i can be a pessimist at times so i’m not going to say that that fucker’s bad light won’t return. let’s just hope it does. and who would have thought a lions turkey day game was something to look forward to? remember the chatter when folk wanted that shit played by a WINNING team? geez. football people…

    later, handsome. thanks for reading. hut, hut.

  6. Joe Daly says:

    As a Patriots guy buried deep in the heart of Charger country, football season always brings a couple buckets full of anger and tension. Thankfully, when the big games arrive, the local club remembers that they’re the Chargers and they choke the shit out of themselves and send the surfers back to the breaking points.

    Pats are scaring me though, so thoroughly trounced were they by Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh looked great, but the Pats showed spectacularly wide gaps in both offense and defense. The team that lost to the Steelers has no business playing La Jolla High, let alone an AFC playoff game.

    Can’t wait for the Ravens v. Steelers.

    I’m with you in hating the Jets. How does a guy like Rex Ryan find the bags to say the things he says? He’s an embarrassingly out of shape windbag– all sizzle, no steak.

    I want the Saints to be legit because like you, I love their uniforms. I also love Drew Brees and the way that city embraces them. Still, they can have astonishing let downs that make me wonder just what the heck keeps breaking.

    Looking forward to talking some shit with you soon- hopefully next weekend.

    • Reno Romero says:

      daly:

      ah, a pats fan. i like the pats. i like brady. the super bowl when they beat the rams was one of the best games i ever saw. perfect. a thing of pure delicious beauty. you know (and you do) SD just chokes. i like rivers. i like his shitty attitude. i like his smack-talking ways. but in the end he comes up short. rex is a bore. i don’t get it. but hey he’s a coach of a major market team and i’m some asshole in the public school system. but if i had a forum like he does i wouldn’t come off as some arrogant fat pig. find a new shtick, asshole!

      daly, you’re the baddest. wish i could make it to L.A, but i’ll be in vegas attending a wedding of a good pal. but i do want to head down your way at the beginning of the new year. if this goes down we’ll get together for tacos and sprite. rock on.

  7. Gloria says:

    Dear Reno,

    I’m no fan of sports, but I’m a huge fan of you.

    XO
    gloria

  8. I see all these words and I recognise them individually, but I have no idea what they mean in the order you’ve put them in. What is this ‘N…F…L…’?

    • Reno Romero says:

      handsome devil smithson: NFL: No Fun League. Or: Not For Long (this expression is directly towards an employee who’s not puling his weight).

  9. jmblaine says:

    Reno:

    Last time I was in Vegas
    a guy at the Excalibur bar
    explained in detailed how
    the NFL was all fixed
    & the players were in cahoots
    with the bookies to fix the picks.

    “Hogwash,” I told him. “I know Reno.”

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