My love for world music is not a secret.While my default setting will always remain rock and roll, tribal rhythms and drum beats never cease to move me.I am inspired by the naturalness of it all, not always adhering to the Western verse/chorus/verse approach, and not always in a language I understand.It is pure energy captured by instruments and vocal chords.

I wish sometimes that I were capable of producing sounds like that, but I possess zero musical talent myself.None.At all.I own three guitars and can’t play any of them.I can play G, C, and D, and I fake the C because it’s too hard to play the right way.My friend Kevin once brought me on stage to play the tambourine, and we have since struck an unspoken agreement that we should probably never, ever do that again.I apparently have the rhythm of a broken metronome.It’s for the best I suppose, as I’d hate to find out that I possessed a talent for such an instrument.

I would feel obligated to pursue a gift like that.

The tambourine has always intrigued me.I think my fascination began back when Nick at Night used to air old episodes of the Monkees.  Davy Jones used to play his like a god.  Sometimes it was as if he’d gone into a trance, the way Jimi used to do with his guitar, only Davy did it much, much better.  Anyone can play the Star Spangled Banner on a six-string; try it on a bell-covered disc.

For almost a decade I dreamed of entering the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame as the tambourinist for a huge band.I fell asleep at night hearing Joe Elliot introduce me along with the rest of Def Leppard as we were inducted.After Rick Savage rumbled through a bass solo, they would get to me.“And on tambourine, from Houston, Texas, Mr. Slade Ham!”As I jingled the instrument that made me famous, the crowd would go wild, one person at a time, until the room couldn’t hold anymore screams or applause.

I’ve let that dream go though, and not just because Def Leppard is never getting into the Rock and roll Hall of Fame.There is a higher calling now.

World music is a vague term.Somewhere on the outskirts of that broad canvas is reggae, and in the center of reggae stands the Marley family.Bob sired Stephen and Ziggy and Julian and Ky-Mani and Damian, the latter of which happened to step onto a stage while I stood in the audience.

And that is where my dream shifted.Goodbye, tambourine.I have a new hero.

His name is Garfield Logan.If you search the name on the internet it will take you to pages dedicated to DC Comics’ Beast Boy.If you go see Damian Marley in concert though, you’ll see someone much more impressive than a superhero.The real Garfield Logan, sometimes referred to as Judah or Donovan, is a dreadlocked monument to perseverance and dedication and a man dangerously capable of stealing the spotlight from anyone he steps on stage with.

Damian was performing with rapper Nas, supporting a record that is half hip-hop, half reggae, and full of driving rhythmic beats, bass lines, and addicting choruses.The live show would have been amazing had it just been the two of them on stage, but they tour with a complete band including two guitarists, a bassist, a full drum kit, bongos, backup singers, dancers, and a pair of keyboardists.So which role does Sir Garfield Logan play?None of them.

He waves a flag.

That’s all he does.As Damian and Nas walked out of the wings and in to the center of the stage, they were followed by the Rastafarian flag, whipped side to side by the six foot six inch Garfield.Not passively the way an old person waves a little handheld flag on the Fourth of July, but with pride.Aggressively, exhaustingly, he thrashed a huge red and gold and green banner side to side.

What a great way to start the show, I thought.It must be tiring to swing that thing back and forth for a whole song.Then the second song began, and the third, and the flag never stopped.As the musicians riffed through reggae beats infused with Ethiopian jazz, he marched back and forth across the stage, the colors sweeping in bigger arcs with every song.I stood mesmerized on the front row.

The first hour passed and he never slowed down.He looked possessed, some Serpent and the Rainbow zombie on a mission.If he had pupils, they were gone.Pure white eyes flashed like a Mortal Kombat character or a snake that had recently turned into a human.He transcended reality.Ninety minutes passed.One hundred.The flag rippled through the air, left and right, harder than ever before.

The son of Bob Marley sang clear and strong on the stage in front of me, yet I couldn’t take my eyes off the madly whirling Judah and his flag.He brandished it like it could do magic.He was a leader, hypnotist, puppet master, and bright white light all at once, floating through pulsing beats and Jamaican patois.

A thousand of us crossed the two hour point together, and the show rattled to a stop.As Could You Be Loved reached its end, Nas and Damian shouted good night and walked off stage.The band played the final notes as Garfield Logan stood spinning his flag in ever shrinking circles, until the flag rolled itself up in perfect synch to the music.

And through it all, I stood inspired.Anything was possible again.It might take two decades of not cutting my hair, copious amounts of weed, and the upper body strength of a silverback gorilla, but I could be a rock star after all.

I just need a band that needs a flag waved.

Long live Garfield Logan.

TAGS: , , , , , , , , , , ,

SLADE HAM is a stand up comedian. He has performed in 22 countries on four continents. When not on stage, he drinks Irish whiskey on the rocks and listens to rock and roll much too loud. One day he hopes to finish his book, host a travel show, and continue to trick the world into paying him to do the things he loves to do. Slade is also an Editor for The Nervous Breakdown's Arts and Culture section. He keeps a very expensive storage unit in Houston, TX.

289 responses to “Just Like a Waving Flag”

  1. Cynthia Hawkins says:

    I own a piano, two acoustic guitars, one electric, one set of drums, a violin, a harmonica, *and* a tambourine, and I play none of them well enough to justify the owning of any of them. That’s it. I’m taking up the flag!

    • Slade Ham says:

      I used to own a drum kit too. I could play Collective Soul’s “December” and one Green Day song, and only those if no one was anywhere near me to hear me fuck them up…

  2. Becky says:

    Oh man.

    Slade, what are we gonna do? Is this related to the Nag Champa? Are you trying to hurt me? Reggae? World music?

    He had rings on his fingers. Awful cooking smells.

    • Slade Ham says:

      I feel obligated to defend this somehow, hahaha, though I’m not sure how yet. When you put all that stuff in one comment it does look bad.

      It’s less whatever you think it is and more Foundation Room at the House of Blues, if Shankar was playing instead of the Stones. I still am a rocker at my core though. Forever. There are just these occasional little tributaries that branch off every now and again from the river of Rock.

      We all have our vices…

      \m/(..)\m/

      I still know how to make metal smileys though…

      • Becky says:

        I suppose we all do have our vices. Though none of mine are as bad as world music.

        Maybe I just have more but lesser vices.

        Maybe.

        I like folk music.

        But I just want to make it absolutely clear that there will be NO YOGIS allowed on the commune. That is where I draw the line. Even my patience, and even for you, has its limits. No Yogis, no sitars. No Robert muthafuckin’ Bly, no primal scream therapy, no more inexplicable, campy 70s zeitgeist.

        This is swiftly deteriorating into a parade of rationalizations and denials in defense of a smelly, hippie existence, and I cannot let that happen to us. We are better and more interesting than that.

        Other than that, rock on.

        • Slade Ham says:

          No no no. None of that. Not to mention that my few world-infused vices are self contained. I don’t let them bleed out into the commune. Maybe a little incense when my door opens, but even that’s occasional.

          And folk?

          You came at me with FOLK?

          Now, Becky…

        • Becky says:

          I like story songs.

          That’s a big part of it. Story songs are folk-typical. Or at least folk-typal.

          I’m talking 60s/70s pop folk…polk, if you will, mostly. Nothing too hardcore. None of that Mighty Wind stuff. Mostly.

          Bob Dylan. Jim Croce. James. Taylor.

        • Slade Ham says:

          I bet that when we open the commune, all the hippies play a lot more of that music and a lot less of mine. Just saying.

          Not that I dislike any of that music btw, and not that you can really call James Taylor a vice…

        • Becky says:

          Hippies will play nothing because there will be no hippies. They will all fall into the tiger trap and perish. There will be non-hippies occasionally playing music that a hippie may approve of.

          No hippies. Hippie-free zone. Hippies have plenty of other communes to choose from.

        • Slade Ham says:

          I know. We agreed on this. Still, hippies are like ninjas sometimes. Slow, really high ninjas that hide out in the open with their slowness and radical concepts.

          They ALWAYS manage to sneak in somehow, tiger traps or no.

          Our defenses will have to be beefed up some more.

        • Becky says:

          Is there anything hippies like that NONE of us on the commune like or will have with us?

          I’ve got it. Other hippies.

          We’ll put out decoy hippies on the perimeter and trap the hippies that gravitate towards them.

        • Slade Ham says:

          You can pick them up at Home Depot next to the flamingos.

          Or maybe they’re at Outdoor World next to the ducks.

          I don’t even know what to Google to find them.

          What about jobs? We can put job postings up. That normally scares them off too.

        • Becky says:

          “White-collar capitalist fat cat positions available. Fast-paced environment, random drug tests. Apply within.”

        • Slade Ham says:

          We lost them with the drug tests.

          We could also just put up a big “Capitalism Lives Here” sign somewhere close.

        • Courtney says:

          yeah, we don’t like any of that stuff.

        • Slade Ham says:

          You’re not claiming Hippie status are you? Or it just a general aversion to work…

        • Courtney says:

          I walk a fine line…I coincidentally meet a disturbing amount of hippie criteria most days. Coincidentally.

        • Slade Ham says:

          But will you fall for the decoys?

        • Courtney says:

          You’d have to ask a more social hippie. We antisocial, neurotic hippies are a rare and mysterious breed.

        • Slade Ham says:

          You should spread your brand of hippieness then. That way they ALL stay inside and out of the way 🙂

        • Courtney says:

          That’s right. We keep our ideals to ourselves. We’re too paranoid to smoke. We would start a movement…spread our awesomeness…if we did that sort of thing, which we don’t.

        • Slade Ham says:

          Laziness is what will keep your movement down. The tricky part about it is that once you lose the laziness, you also lose a bit of your identity…

        • Courtney says:

          no no no no no…you’ve got it all wrong. it’s an aversion to groupiness. an ideological love of humanity coupled with an intolerance of humanity in its everyday form. Nagging rationality is what I would call it. Who you callin’ lazy? 🙂

        • Slade Ham says:

          You can’t join a commune if you have an aversion to groupiness. You can’t love and hate in the same sentence. Pick one goddammit.

        • Courtney says:

          ‘Joined a commune with an aversion to groupiness’ could metaphorically sum up my life. Now that that’s out of the way….

  3. Joe Daly says:

    FLAG SOLO!!!

    “You’re in a band? Cool! What instrument?”

    “The flag, bro. The flag.”

    This is as interesting a piece about Garfield Logan as it is a reminder to look beyond blues-based rock every now and then. I thought for sure the story was going to lead into him playing something in percussion. I never saw the flag coming. I immediately thought of the guy in the Mighty Mighty Bosstones who just dances on stage. But the thing about that guy is, he’s not waving a flag.

    And you have three guitars? Get thee practicing, amigo. We only have 12 months to get ready for our debut gig at the TNB 5th Reunion Bash next year! Oh, and we need a drummer, a bass player, and a flag waver, too.

    • Slade Ham says:

      Joe, he is absolutely amazing with that flag. Trust me.

      And as much as I would love to play in the band, I’m already obligated to Pussy Stardust. Megan and Zara have stolen my rhythm and placed it unwisely behind a drum kit. I do suppose that I could be in TWO bands though.

      I’ll start practicing. Do we have a name yet?

      • Joe Daly says:

        Yes- we’re called “Satan’s Condom” and we’re pretty much classic rock, but we’re open to doing ironic covers.

        So you’re like Dave Grohl- drumming for Them Crooked Vultures and guitar for the Foo Fighters. Although Grohl has never been in a band with Megan or Zara, so you’ve got him schooled there.

        I guess we just need a flag guy. Ideas? Dave Grohl?

        • Slade Ham says:

          Oooh, I can be in the opening band and still headline. Kind of the way the guys from Gwar would open for themselves sometimes, without the costumes. i forget the name of the un-costumed band though.

          Satan’s Condom huh? That’s so fucking metal.

        • Zara Potts says:

          SLADE!! You can’t just jump around into everyone else’s bands because they have awesome names! You are obligated to Pussy Stardust. Man, I’m calling Megan right now….

        • Slade Ham says:

          I told you this was gonna be a problem, Joe… My loyalty lies with Pussy Stardust.

          Alas…

          Can we pleeeease cover Suckin’ on My Titties though?

        • Zara Potts says:

          Only if you sing.
          I’ll stand back like Stevie Nicks in a petticoat and leather waistcoat and bang the tambourine sullenly.

        • Slade Ham says:

          No way, Z. You have to sing. It’s sooo much funnier in your accent. I’ll handle the tambourine. If only we could find someone to dance now…

        • Joe Daly says:

          Slade, I view Satan’s Condom as more of a supergroup, so we’ll always make room for people to get back to their original bands.

          I had no idea that Gwar opened for themselves sans costume. That rules! Maybe I can get one of those guys to cover for you on rhythm guitar when you’re with Pussy Stardust. I have to believe there will be a pretty long line of axe men looking to get into Satan’s Condom.

          So be sure to practice your guitar, but just as importantly, let me know what you need me to add to the Satan’s Condom rider for the gig next year. The rider already includes the Hope Diamond and two different species of talking dogs, so I want to give Listi enough time to get everything for us.

        • Slade Ham says:

          Virgins. i need several virgins backstage at every show. And a volcano.

          I like the supergroup idea. We’d be like Chickenfoot, but good.

        • Zara Potts says:

          Okay, Damn it. I’ll sing.

          Maybe Richrob could dance…?

        • Richard Cox says:

          You don’t want to see me dance, ZaraPotts. Trust me on this one.

          However, I will run the sound system and do the studio work. And maybe play the keyboard now and again. I will multi-track and Auto Tune your voice and it will sound like a chorus of 1,000 Kiwis singing “Fuck the Pain Away.”

        • Slade Ham says:

          Hmmmm. I don’t know if Richrob’s dance or not….

        • Zara Potts says:

          Oh but I have seen you dance, Richrob….

        • Richard Cox says:

          I have chosen to forget that.

        • Slade Ham says:

          Oh no no no no no. No way man. Never.

          Hahahahahahahaha.

          Ice, ice, baby.

        • Zara Potts says:

          Oh no no no, Richrob!
          We will never forget! Soooo looking forward to our collaboration!!!

        • Dana says:

          VIDEO!! Someone must have been taping – roight?

        • Zara Potts says:

          AHHHHHHHHHHHH.
          Ha.Ha.Ha.

        • Matt says:

          I can manage a couple of Alice in Chains and Nirvana tunes on guitar. I’m in.

        • Simon Smithson says:

          Satan’s Condom? I thought we were still The Rapture’s Rubber?

          Are you assholes kicking me out of the band?

        • Slade Ham says:

          Some supernatural being and birth control. That’s what’s important.

        • Zara Potts says:

          Nah. It’s got be called ‘Vanilla Ice Suckin’ on my Titties.”

          Doesn’t it?

        • Slade Ham says:

          @ Matt – That’s all you need. We have to cover AIC. I can play Come As You Are, kinda.

        • Matt says:

          Once upon a time I could get myself all the way through Come As You Are, Polly, Lithium & Something in the Way. As far as AIC’s catalogue goes, I can manage *most* of Heaven Beside You, Frogs, Angry Chair, and Down in a Hole. If Joe and Reno coach me a bit, I’m sure I could manage more.

        • Don Mitchell says:

          With a name like Satan’s Condom, you’re in for some ribbing.

        • Slade Ham says:

          @ Matt – I could do the little bendy part of Heaven Beside You. I remember that.

          @ Don – Yes, but as an opening act we’d really get the crowd lubricated…

        • Slade Ham says:

          @ Matt – I also realize that the comment above made it look like I thought AIC did Come As You Are. Clearly I did not…

          Just sayin’ 🙂

        • Gloria says:

          I’ll dance.

          I’ve lived in Portland long enough that I assure you I have the hippie girl dance down to an art. It’s very similar to Will Ferrell’s ol’ lady’s dancing in Conan’s last show. I think I could even step it up a notch and work it so that it’s in time with the tambourine – kind of like the lady at 33 seconds in this video. Let me know if you’re interested.

        • Gloria says:

          I’ll dance. I’ve lived in Portland long enough that if I haven’t perfect the hippie dance by now, no one ever will. I can either do it slow and easy, a la Will Ferrell’s ol’ lady or I can kick it up a notch and do it more like the lady at 33 seconds in this video. You just let me know which you want and I’ll be there with my eagle feathers and my fringe jacket.

        • Gloria says:

          Great. First it didn’t show up. So I retyped it. Then it didn’t show up again. So then I posted a comment about it not showing up.NOW THEY’RE BOTH HERE. And I look like a crazy person.

          I’m going to bed. In a huff.

        • Slade Ham says:

          No non no. I want the Will Ferrell version. I reeeally had to work to find this comment btw. But I did. And I am happier for it.

          Your huff was unnecessary. i do it all the time. Dance, Gloria… Dance!

        • Don Mitchell says:

          It’s the “two links” thing, Gloria. A comment with a single link goes up immediately, but one with two or more has to be checked for spam, etc. by someone before it goes up.

        • Gloria says:

          Thanks, Don! So, you mean I made more work for someone? Now I have guilt.

          Slade – I will totally dance like Will Ferrell’s ol’ lady. For you, Slade.

        • Don Mitchell says:

          Ah, don’t worry. I did it myself on the 4th, and should have known better.

        • Slade Ham says:

          @ Gloria – That’s the most flattering thing ever.

          @ Don – You danced like Will Ferrell’s old lady on the 4th? You party hard…

  4. Dana says:

    Hilarious!

    I twirl a mean baton… so I’m up for that if you need anyone to round out the enthusiasm section.

    • Slade Ham says:

      Damn. We have a batoner now? I’m pretty sure that’s not a word… If you’re willing to spin, I might be willing to play.

  5. JM Blaine says:

    Your posts always
    cause me lots of scattered
    thoughts to comment upon
    but I’ll try this one(s);

    In 7th grade I played cymbals
    in the school band
    though I could rock a steady
    beat on the bass.
    I stayed in the back
    & clamped my little brass plates
    together and pouted.
    Until I saw Big Bo Greene
    from the black high school
    playing with the marching band.
    It was like the whole band backed him up.
    He spun around and flipped the cymbals over his head
    & twirled them and played on the back beat then the front
    & the way he played the rest of the drummers had to follow him.
    & I had this epiphany:
    School band is gay.
    So I quit, got a guitar and learned 3 chords.
    Make it no secret that you love country and old rock
    and with those three chords you know
    you can play 99 percent of their songs.

    • Slade Ham says:

      I’m deciding if the scattered thoughts reaction is a good or bad one, hahaha.

      I suppose that I do in fact know all those songs with just those chords. It just seems like I should have to do more work that that. If I’m going to play the guitar then I want to be able to rip into the solo or play the intro to Sweet Child of Mine… and do it with my eyes closed and not with my head bent down and staring to see if I’m anywhere close to the strings as I pick off slow, single notes instead of one seemingly fluid sound.

      I want to sit in a dark room and play Shine On You Crazy Diamond as the ice melts in my whiskey glass.

      Until then, I’ll just stare with envy at the rest of you.

      As for the black high school, drum lines are amazing. Watching that many people play anything percussion with such enthusiasm makes me want to go start a revolution.

    • Don Mitchell says:

      I’d like to play the symbols, myself. Kind of used to them.

  6. dwoz says:

    I have a Bob Marley story…maybe I’ll write it up. There’s lots of high points, including how I almost owned his amplifier, and an almost-tryst with one of the I-threes. And, about being a 138-lbs-soaking-wet white kid, shoved into stage security duty for a concert in which Bob wasn’t even in the building 1 1/2 hours after published show time.

    …and of course, meeting the man himself.

    It was an amazing moment.

    • Slade Ham says:

      I wanted to comment on everything in the first paragraph….

      But you met Bob fucking Marley?

      I just realized that of all the people I know, I’m probably one degree of separation from just about anyone… but Marley. I know NO ONE that’s met him. Until now.

      You should write this up, as I really want the rest of it.

      • dwoz says:

        Will do! It’s a really fun story. probably tonight I can bang out about 1k words on it…

        • Slade Ham says:

          Then I look forward to it. I remain a HUGE fan, despite what Folk Singer Becky thinks up there…

        • Becky says:

          Whatever, reefer head.

        • Slade Ham says:

          Would you believe I may be the only Marley fan that doesn’t get high? Can’t mix it with alcohol…

        • Becky says:

          Actually, I was reading a study recently that said TCH buffers the brain against some of the most damaging effects of alcohol, which may explain, in part, why you don’t get as hungover if you smoke.

          But I’m in the same boat. Mixing is no good.

        • Slade Ham says:

          It makes my blood sugar shoot through the roof and my pulse drop to 30 bpm. It’s not good at all. Either one by itself doesn’t do anything crazy, though some people might argue that fact regarding me.

          Whiskey just tastes so good…

        • Becky says:

          I don’t think it gives me any actual medical issues.

          I lose the ability to speak, basically. My head gets so full of ideas that I can’t isolate one in order to speak it.

          Awful feeling. If I’m lucky, I’ll get out, “I have to go to bed.” I don’t like not having control of my faculties like that.

        • Slade Ham says:

          The last time I smoked, which has been so long ago that I don’t remember exactly when, I woke up with the startling realization that I had come up with something brilliant that I couldn’t afford to forget. I scribbled it down in my notebook.

          When I woke up, I had written the phrase fiber optic pop rocks.

        • Becky says:

          Yeah. I don’t know how all these famous writers and musicians managed to do their work totally obliterated, whatever the substance.

          Every time I’ve tried, it has been an embarrassment. Like “Burn it! Burn it!” kind of embarrassing.

        • Slade Ham says:

          I can’t discount the wealth of entertainment that being fucked up has produced in other people…

          Just not me either.

          you and I are throwing out all the usual commune rules. Say no to drugs, kids. I find that advice hard to give really. I’ve done a LOT of stuff in the past – though I don’t anymore – and I would trade any of it back in… not even to get certain brain cells back. The stories have all been worth it.

        • Becky says:

          Hey. If people want to say yes to drugs, that’s their business, but coke rage and other spastic behaviors that aren’t at least or more manageable than drunkenness will be cause for serious comeuppance.

          You know. If you can’t handle your drugs, don’t do them. That should be the rule.

        • Slade Ham says:

          Exactly. They can do coke as long as they don’t rattle on for hours about shit no one cares about.

          “Let me tell you about my business plan….”

          “No more coke for you.”

        • Becky Palapala says:

          The sweating. No coke sweats allowed.

          I once had a guy get totally coked-up before a date. He sweated like a fucking pig the whole time.

          Good thing I was so grossed-out by his waterworks that I wasn’t interested in going over to his place. I’d have been sore disappointed.

          Or maybe that’s what he wanted? E.D.? Or maybe he just thought the spin would make him fascinating? All I remember was him getting up and going to the bathroom constantly to wash his face and/or (in hindsight) have a bump.

          Drugs, kids. Not sexy. Seriously.

        • Joe Daly says:

          Other Signs to Put Away the Coke:

          “Wait… what was I just saying?”

          “Yeah, sorry… that only happens when I’m on coke. Usually it’s like a piece of quartz.”

          “Seriously dude, I know we’ve never been really close or anything, but it’s like, I respect you so fucking much…”

          “Oh yeah- I can only take out $500 a day. Hey, anyone else here not maxed out on their ATM card yet? Wait- when is it midnight?”

          “Hey, has anyone seen my cigarette?”

          “Come on, lemme listen to it one more time, and then I won’t ask you to play the Matrix soundtrack again. I promise!”

        • Becky Palapala says:

          Okay. How about let’s just say no coke.

          I’m having trouble understanding what good can come of the stuff, and I’ve done my fair share.

          No coke except on disco night when no one’s getting laid anyway.

        • Slade Ham says:

          True, but the commune would be reeeeeally clean.

        • Erika Rae says:

          “Fiber optic pop rocks” is quite possibly the most brilliant phrase I have ever heard. Is it music? Is it candy? We may never know.

        • Slade Ham says:

          I don’t know where it came from and I have no idea what the practical application is. It sounds like the name of a band. Or better yet, an album title.

          “The latest single from Slade Ham’s Fiber Optic Pop Rocks record, here’s Deep Fried and Only to the First Knuckle. It’s a love song.”

      • dwoz says:

        As you asked…here is my little memoir about Bob Marley…

        http://dwozmak.wordpress.com/2010/07/06/marley-and-me

        enjoy. I’m not a TNB contributor, so I can’t post it here.

        • Slade Ham says:

          Holy shit. When you said you had a story, I didn’t realize you had a STORY. I don’t get starstruck either. Ever. Celebrity is no stranger to me. The way you paint the picture on stage, I cannot imagine reacting any differently. The Christ comparison is understood, and is in no way disparaging to either of them.

          Passing on the I-four and the amp is forgivable (though either or both would have been fucking amazing). A silent second between me and Bob would be enough for me. Good for you. Well played, sir. Well played.

          And well written as well…

        • dwoz says:

          thanks, Slade, for the kind words, and for the read. I always enjoy revisiting that moment. I’d appreciate any more pointed criticism you may have of that piece, or any of the others you find there at that blog…

        • Slade Ham says:

          Indeed. I’ll have to scroll through the blog. I didn’t know it was there.

          And you’re quite welcome. Thanks for telling the story.

  7. Richard Cox says:

    This gives new meaning to the term “flag waver.”

    As you know, I’m also a fan of world music. For a great blend of World and electronic, try Juno Reactor’s Shango and Labyrinth. The former is a better overall album, but the latter has the best individual tracks. “Mutant Message” is particularly epic.

    It’s a shame about Def Leppard. They totally earned their spot. But the erroneous “hair metal” label and subsequent backlash will always follow them around. Along with a couple of their most recent efforts, which are just atrocious.

    • Slade Ham says:

      I think that you get a free pass when your drummer continues to play with one arm. Just saying.

      I’ll go look up Juno Reactor. Amazingly, we all talked a lot less about music than I had expected us to. I don’t say that in a bad way. Obviously, we found much more to talk about anddidn’t need the filler.

  8. Greg Olear says:

    Could we even form a TNBand? I don’t know. I play guitar well enough that someone who doesn’t know how to play might think I was good, but someone who does play would know at once that I was faking it and full of shit. But I’m fun with an acoustic guitar and a campfire.

    Do we have a drummer? A bassist? Pianos?

    But a tambourine and a flag — we gots to start somewhere…

    • Slade Ham says:

      It could happen. Joe Daly can play the guitar, and Reno too I think. And JMB. And Duke has obviously got some chops behind a microphone.

      Maybe if we shift JMB to bass. The drummer is going to be the problem.

      I have the flag covered though. I’ve been practicing.

      I am under contract with Zara and Megan in Pussy Stardust though, so of course any contribution on my part will have to be cleared with them first.

    • Becky says:

      I can still sing, I think. I’m a pretty robust alto…Good enough hold harmonies at back-up, anyway. Tawni and Steph both sing. I think we’re set.

      • Slade Ham says:

        I dunno. I’m betting that Duke’s got a scream to him that you can’t match. This band’s about attitude, Becky.

        • Becky says:

          Um, no. I can’t scream.

          Clearly we are already at an impasse.

          If this is some hideous metal endeavor, I’m not only opting out, I’m starting a competing TNBand, comprised entirely of hot women, against which the Sausage Party TNBand will never stand a chance.

        • Slade Ham says:

          Well, I already have Zara and Megan in my band. Or I’m in theirs. I suppose the vocals are up for debate in the supergroup though. You can lobby your case, though now I fear it’s just going to turn into some Joni Mitchell cover project if you front it…

        • Becky says:

          I never offered to front it. I don’t want to front anything. It’s not in my nature.

          I’m a puppetmaster, not a figurehead.

          If the Sausage Party band is the same as Pussy Stardust, why would you have to clear with them first?

        • Slade Ham says:

          No, it’s two different bands. I was going to cross over and do both, but it looks like I’m going to have to focus on just one for now.

          I bet you could do back up vocals though. For the Sausage Band I mean.

          That came out wrong somehow.

        • Becky says:

          As long as they’re willing to be puppeteered, I’m sure there will be no problem.

        • Slade Ham says:

          That’s between you and Daly.

        • Becky says:

          He’s a Leo, so not likely. Power of suggestion works better there. He’ll need to think it was his idea in order for everything to go smoothly.

          I can arrange that.

          Okay, just kidding. I enjoy music and even enjoy playing music, but I have terrible stage fright when it comes to music and do not crave full frontal attention and/or the spotlight in any way, shape, or form, so this is all really very silly. Have fun stormin’ the castle.

        • Slade Ham says:

          THIS is what made you say this was silly? Hahahahaha. I mean, we’re building a commune twenty comments up… You don’t have to sing though. You can play cowbell.

          And you’re into astrology? This gets more and more interesting by the comment…

        • Becky says:

          I can’t even get worked up about defending my idea of a hypothetical, fantastic TNBand. That’s how little interest I have in being in a band.

          I’m not into astrology, really. At least not in the way you’re thinking. I don’t read my horoscope daily or plan my relationships based on it. I maintain my skeptic status while suffering an incurable curiosity about the possibility in it.

        • Slade Ham says:

          Fair enough. All I know is that I’m a Gemini. I don’t know what it means though. And I’m Year of the Dragon in Chinese whatever it is.

        • Zara Potts says:

          No! Slade! You CANNOT join other groups until we make our first record!
          Megan? Megan?? Where are you? We are having our first band fight….. Help!

        • Slade Ham says:

          RIght? Where IS Megan?

        • Becky says:

          As far as I’m concerned, that you’re a Gemini means you make no sense 90% of the time, and I don’t trust you any farther than I can throw you.

          Something about flexible morals, too, which makes me and my uber-principled existence pretty unsettled.

          At least that has been my experience with a lot of Geminis. You could have other stuff in your chart that makes you different.

        • Slade Ham says:

          Yeah, I think you pretty much nailed it. I’m trustworthy, but all that other stuff is pretty much spot on.

        • Becky says:

          Well, you could be trustworthy, but the statement is that I wouldn’t trust you anyway.

          Shifty. You’re shifty. *squints*

        • Slade Ham says:

          Yes. I mean no. You shouldn’t. Gemini or not, I’m also a ninja.

        • Becky Palapala says:

          Just a ninja?

          Phew.

          I saw an episode of Deadliest Warrior where they pit a ninja against a Spartan, and the Spartan won.

          I’m totally a Spartan.

        • Slade Ham says:

          Yeah. I saw that too. Total bullshit.

          There are still ninjas. When was the last time you saw a Spartan?

        • Zara Potts says:

          You do know about the Ninja school in Australia, right?

        • Becky Palapala says:

          Honestly?

          The entire Western military profession is based on Spartans. What is your profession??

        • dwoz says:

          I think the only part of Sparta that’s left in today’s military is the parades. The legions marching into battle in formation went the way of the dinosaur right around the time that those filthy bastard colonial terrorists in the Americas decided to shoot at the Redcoats from behind rocks and trees.

        • Slade Ham says:

          @ Becky – Exactly. There are no more Spartans. BASED ON. Nothing more. Ninjas still sneak around in the dark. The fact that you don’t see us only proves that we are good at what we do.

          @ Zara – Whaaaa?!?! More incentive for me to visit…

        • Becky says:

          I dunno. I challenge this notion. There may still be people practicing ninjutsu, but what with the lack of samurai, it’s arguable that “based on” is all that’s left of ninjas, too.

          There are still people studying Spartan fighting styles, too.

        • Slade Ham says:

          And I would argue that you see far more practitioners of ninjitsu than you do people attacking in Spartan style phalanxes.

          Regardless, I think the Pirates did a better job of modernizing than both of them, which is why I have to continuously put on my ninja outfit and hunt them.

        • Becky Palapala says:

          Okay, now we’re moving away from the origin of this whole discussion which was that on Deadliest Warrior, a single Spartan beat a single ninja.

          The phalanx has nothing to do with this. And really? How many practitioners of ninjutsu do you see on a day-to-day basis? NOT on your TV? I can see 300 Spartans every day if I pop in the right DVD.

          The bottom line, here, is that a Spartan would kick a Ninja’s ass.

        • Slade Ham says:

          Silliness. First off, you don’t see ninjas because they’re fucking NINJAS!

          And a Spartan needs his sword and that big gay leathery shield. I trust in the ninjas ability to remove either of those, along with the arm that it was attached to.

        • Becky Palapala says:

          YOU SAID YOU SEE NINJAS. MORE THAN SPARTANS. Maybe the Spartans are the ones hiding.

          In open combat, a ninja is at a serious disadvantage against any armored, trained, open-combat enemy. Even a ninja will tell you that. If he can’t do the job before he’s detected, his better bet is to run. Hence all the hiding and smoke bombs and whatnot.

          For crying out loud, dude. They’re assassins, not soldiers.

        • Becky Palapala says:

          Those muggers should have gone to Spartan school.

        • Slade Ham says:

          @ Zara – I think the reporter should have used the word “allegedly” more…

          @ Becky – I meant that I see ninjas. As a ninja, I’m allowed to. And yes, ninjas are assassins. The Spartan would have to make it open combat before it would even have a chance. I know Deadliest Warrior already covered that, but they’re wrong.

          Plus, if you were to strip both the ninja and the Spartan of their weapons and armor, the Spartan wouldn’t last very long.

        • Becky Palapala says:

          Nonsense. Spartans were close combat fighters. That includes bare hands. Give the ninja the old palm-to-the-forehead treatment and let him swing away.

        • Slade Ham says:

          You’re assuming that all ninjas are little midgets, and that all Spartans are in fact giants. The hand on the head trick would only end with a broken Spartan wrist, which would only hurt until the spinal cord was snapped in two. Ninjas do stuff like that.

        • Becky Palapala says:

          Uh huh. I’m sure a Spartan would have no defense against that. If only they’d thought of combatants who fought back! Rats! Foiled!

        • Slade Ham says:

          Knowing it’s coming doesn’t necessarily make it preventable.

          Ask the guy stumbling home drunk to his wife after staying out too late with his friends.

        • Matt says:

          This has gone on long enough. As an actual, practicing martial artist, I am compelled to weigh in here.

          Ninja versus Spartan in a straight up, toe-to-toe fight?

          Spartan.

          The ninja is at a serious disadvantage without stealth on his side.

        • Becky Palapala says:

          Not necessarily, no. But planning to break someone’s wrist doesn’t guarantee that it will happen, either.

          And as for drunk guy, easy.

          Don’t go home.

          She’s just going to kick you out anyway.

        • Zara Potts says:

          Oooooh. NOW the shit is going to hit the proverbial fan…

        • Slade Ham says:

          Damn you.

          A ninja can still beat up a pirate though, right?

        • Becky Palapala says:

          MATT AND I AGREE ON SOMETHING!!!

          WOOOOO!!!

        • Slade Ham says:

          MATT AND I AGREE ON SOMETHING!!!

          Yeah, something is terribly wrong with that.

        • Matt says:

          @Slade That depends entirely on whether said combat occurs on land or onboard a ship. And on how much grog the pirate has consumed.

        • Matt says:

          @Becky Had to happen sooner or later.

        • Becky Palapala says:

          And about something important, too. This is big. This is major.

          This.

          Is.

          SPARTA!!!!

        • Slade Ham says:

          Bleh.

    • dwoz says:

      Are all you guys willing to walk the walk?

      One of my alter-Internet-egos is as the admin of a worldwide music production collaboration project.

      I could put together a TNB project.

      Pro-production and amazing works.

      oh….but wait. We’d need a writer to put together lyrics. That might be hard to find….

      • Slade Ham says:

        Right? on that note, how did we manage to leave Rich Ferguson out of this?

        And I’m quite serious. I will happily wave the flag on both record and stage.

        • Greg Olear says:

          Actual musicians don’t count. No ringers. That leaves out Rich and Tawni and my wife. This has to be like that band Stephen King has with Dave Berry. Bruce Springsteen once jammed with them. They asked if her knew “Gloria.” Dave Berry wrote, “Asking Springsteen is he knows ‘Gloria’ is like asking James Michener if he knows how to sign his name.”

          I bet Beaudoin can play something.

        • Slade Ham says:

          I like this way better. No real musicians.

          A band with King and Barry would be amazing. I didn’t know they had one. We should get Springsteen to come out to a TNB get together…

          We’re going to have to rotate people in and out I’m afraid. There are a lot of us now.

        • Dana says:

          Slade, I love that you’ll wave the flag on the record. I can almost hear your special flap already.

        • dwoz says:

          I would think the only membership criteria would be TNB contributor status (which leaves me finding my seat in the 2nd balcony). If you happen to be able to carry a tune in a bucket, all the better! (but not required)

        • Slade Ham says:

          Nah, you’re in. No balcony seats.

          And Dana, while not everyone will hear my waving, I will know where I was on every track.

        • Gloria says:

          @Greg – When I was a kid, grown ups would meet me and sing “Gloria” by Them to me when they heard my name. Oh! Gloria! G-L-O-R-I-A – GLLLLLLLOOOORRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIA! When I got older, I realized the song was about a hooker. So, I started this hilarious (to me) habit of waiting for them to stop singing then looking them in the eye and saying, completely straightfaced, “You know that song is about a whore, right?” I wish I’d known to do that when I was a kid.

        • Slade Ham says:

          I was totally thinking of a different Gloria. From the 80’s. Laura Branigan I think. Her Gloria wasn’t a hooker too, was she?

        • Gloria says:

          No. But that Gloria had some serious relationship issues.

          Glorias, in general, have troubles with love, it seems.

        • Slade Ham says:

          I don’t think that’s a name thing. I think it’s a human thing.

    • Y’all need some brass? I used to play alto, but now I think it can more accurately be said that I merely own a saxophone. Still, with a couple rehearsals, I could safely be counted on to repeatedly play the exact same pentatonic scale all over the top of whatever tune you’re doing.

      Also, having a sax automatically allows you to add “And The Destroyers” to the end of your band name whenever needed.

  9. Courtney says:

    I just want to add for the record, that the Garfield did all of this fantastical flag waving without taking out Nas or Damian while they moved around the stage, nor did he wipe out any of the band members. In retrospect, that’s damn impressive too…the flag was huge.

    • Slade Ham says:

      I forgot you saw it in Austin. He didn’t hit one person. not anyone. And his eyes were closed a lot of the time.

      Fucking amazing.

  10. Lorna says:

    Hmmmmm, it sounds like something you would need to see with yoour own eyes in order to capture the magic of it. Until then, I remain hopeful of playing a tambourine of my own…but not for Def Leopard.

    • Slade Ham says:

      I have to find footage of him. It’s certainly out there somewhere. I guess I’m off to YouTube… What’s impressive is not just that he waves it, but how long he waves it.

      • Lorna says:

        “What’s impressive is not just that he waves it, but how long he waves it.”

        Yes, I now understand how that would be mesmerizing. Stamina and all. hahaha.

  11. Matt says:

    Damian and Ziggy each used to play the HOB venue in New Orleans pretty frequently. Reggae acts like Buju Banton and Yellowman were there a lot, too. I’ve never been a pot smoker, and my tolerance is so low that I used to get a major contact high from all the lighting up being done by the crowd.

    Garfield Logan was always there waving that flag. You’ll be happy to know that the flag-waver has his own allocation on the band’s rider.

    • Slade Ham says:

      Apparently he’s been doing this for quite a while. So what DOES a flag waver want in his dressing room?

  12. mark says:

    You forgot the greatest tambourinist in history… Tracy Partridge.

    • Slade Ham says:

      No one beats Davy Jones. no one.

      • Lorna says:

        I’m pretty sure Davy Jones is the reason I pouted when my parents refused to me a tambourine of my very own. I have a vivid memory of how painful my tambourineless hands felt. We were on vacation in New Mexico… which, coincedently, is where I am currently on vacation. If I find a tambourine this time around, I will fulfill my childhood dreams.

        • Slade Ham says:

          Oooh. You could get one with little turquoise beads or something. Its Kismet. You have to find a tambourine now. The circle of life and whatnot…

  13. Simon Smithson says:

    I took flag in college, but I had to drop out when they found out I couldn’t sight-read.

    I would have thought you could play guitar, actually. I don’t know why, I just assumed. Which means I made an ass out of everyone in Yuma, but fuck ’em. I hate those guys.

    I think the key to being able to play any instrument (or do anything, really), is think of the nerdiest, weeniest one of your friends who can do it, narrow your eyes, and think I’m so much fucking better than you.

    Hey presto! Everything else clicks into place.

    • Slade Ham says:

      I’m determined to learn. I just get so damn distracted. I need to pick one really hard song and just learn it. Then I could play it when someone asked and quit right after I played it. “Nah, man. I’m tired.”

      I want to learn Eruption while still not being able to play Sweet Home Alabama.

      Sight read. Hahahahahahahaha.

      I miss the Simon.

      • Simon Smithson says:

        I miss the Slade too, amigo.

        I think the key is to learn maybe five songs really well, and just play them. When is someone ever going to play more than five songs unless they’re professional?

        • Slade Ham says:

          So maybe three or four easy ones and one Steve Vai track?

        • Simon Smithson says:

          Boom. Right there. And maybe something for the Dio fans, seeing as how you killed their lord and master.

        • Slade Ham says:

          I need to learn some Dio guitar and then yell “Look Ouwwwwwwwwwwwt!”

          Dio rocks so hard. I’m so sad I killed him. Really I am. More than anything else bad I’ve done this year.

        • Zara Potts says:

          Yup. You killed him as sure as I killed Ricky.

        • Slade Ham says:

          We are bad people… I joined his Facebook fan page btw.

        • Zara Potts says:

          I have some incriminating photo evidence of the Colorado TNB contingent making Ricky faces. I hope I never need to use them….

        • Becky Palapala says:

          *gasp*

          Insensitive cretins!

          DERP.

        • Zara Potts says:

          No,no Becky! We did that poor little brain damaged monkey proud…

        • Slade Ham says:

          I’ve seen the picture. My only regret is that I didn’t get to offer up my own “derp!” in the image… I do a great DERP!

        • Zara Potts says:

          No! No you didn’t! Those pictures are under lock and key.. Unless you somehow ninjaed my computer when I wasn’t looking…

        • Slade Ham says:

          I could have sworn it was on Facebook. Maybe it was just a regular picture and I thought you guys were making a retarded face but you weren’t… Now I feel bad 🙂

  14. Wonderful piece, Slade. Your sentiments regarding the flag waver reminded me of this dancer, Wojtek Dmochowski. He used to dance with a British band called The Blue Aeroplanes. Some years ago I saw them perform in London, and amidst this army of guitars and drums and such, there was Wojtek, shirtless, dancing his ass off. He looked like the Soloflex Man. Both the band, and Wojtek were amazing.

    Here’s a video of one of their songs, “Jacket Hangs.”

    http://vimeo.com/10814724

    Wojtek can be seen throughout, but not as prominently as he could be seen when performing live.

    • Slade Ham says:

      Is he the guy at 2:40? And throughout obviously? I think I could be that guy. I can’t dance at all, but I would totally be willing to spin and spiral and hop to someone elses music on stage.

      Also, I happened to like that song when I watched it. Never heard of them before.

      And thanks, Rich, as always.

  15. Dan says:

    So you wanna be a flaggot?

  16. When I was in Indonesia I watched a few live music performances. It was always a bunch of middle-aged to very-aged guys sitting in circles, shouting “chak-a-chak-a-chak!” over and over. It was amazing how they all seemed to be communicating silently, telling stories with these sounds, altering rhythm perfectly.

    I saw it on a Discovery Channel advert a few days ago and recognised it immediately. “Chak-a-chak” is an awesome sound.

    I have a bunch of videos I took of them singing, including one where a little person jacks off a monkey. Indonesia…

  17. Gloria says:

    This is me commenting on your post without embedded links.

    Testing.

    Testing…

    • Gloria says:

      Yep. It is official. Comments that have embedded links in them are no longer showing up right away. I made a HILARIOUS joke (twice) up above and it didn’t show up. Richard Cox said he’s had the same trouble before. Just thought you should know.

      And now I need to tell the guy who runs this joint. Where the hell is that dude? I swear, we all pay good money around here…

    • Slade Ham says:

      Testing received.

  18. Erika Rae says:

    I sort of have in my mind that if Ricky the Brain Damaged Monkey could play an instrument, it would be the tambourine. So, I’m glad you’ve moved on. Playing the flag would be an incredible skill. Wave on, brother.

    • Slade Ham says:

      I shall. But seriously… no one would drive an hour into the Springs to see a show if all I did was wave.

        • Erika Rae says:

          Hey – it’s just occurred to me that the “foot in the door” job to waving a flag on stage with a headline singer is “street corner advertiser”. You know, those guys that wear giant hot dogs or Statue of Liberty costumes and freestyle to Salt n’ Peppa, Bel Biv Devoe or whoever it is they’re listening to on those ear buds their wearing. A guy could totally start there.

        • Slade Ham says:

          I bet I could get one of those jobs for a day. Just one day. And maybe in the fall instead of now. I would wave the fuck out of that sign. Maybe hop around a little.

          Maybe I would stay for more than a day… I could become a Houston icon….

          Dammit, see what you’ve started?

        • Erika Rae says:

          …that would be “they’re”.

        • Slade Ham says:

          I have no idea what you’re talking about… 😉

        • Slade Ham says:

          Wait. Fuck. Now I look dumb. I totally edited it but it didn’t show.

        • Erika Rae says:

          I was correcting *my* typo, silly. Don’t mind me. Just a little OCD.

        • Slade Ham says:

          No, I know. I corrected *your* typo, left my comment, then realized that my correction didn’t show.

          And then.. hahahahaha… nevermind 🙂

        • Dana says:

          Ha!

          Slade, there’s a Subway sandwich advertising their new breakfast menu every morning on my way into work. He’s looking pretty limp on these hot days, I bet you could show him how to do it!

          Also, what ever happened with your realtress?

        • Erika Rae says:

          I’m jealous of Dana. She used “their” correctly the *first* time.

        • Slade Ham says:

          @ Erika – Keep writing. Eventually you will learn to do it correctly as well. Never stop dreaming!

          @ Dana – I’m still sparring with the realtress. I’m trying to squeeze finding a new place into a stupidly busy schedule. Obviously, I’m on here far too much. My goal is to move though, and then exact revenge on her. I’m plotting like a supervillain…

  19. Slade Ham says:

    So apparently Colleen Hayes – the feature from two weeks ago – had a shot of Damian and Garfield up on her interview (which I must have missed).

    There’s a great shot of him in action towards the bottom, though all of her shots are awesome:

    Colleen Hayes

    Garfield Logan shows up twice in two weeks on TNB… SSE?

  20. Natalia says:

    Re: Slade and concert: Your ability to observe, never ceases to amaze me.

    Re: Commune Band: I absolutely will be a back-up dancer with Gloria. I have been wanting to study a few new dance types in the near future, especially the one that involves swords. I think it will give that added jenesequa to our performance… What do ya’ll think?

    Thanks for giving me justification for taking the class:)

  21. Ok. I’m so freeking late it’s practically irrelevant.

    I’ve heard great reviews of this tour from a few people. And, I think you would be a spectacular flag waver.

    I think you should inquire regarding an apprenticeship. Pussy Stardust NEEDS a flag waver! Now we just need to figure out what would be on the flag…

    • Joe Daly says:

      Wow, so with one small comment, Slade loses his seat behind the drum kit?

      Slade, Satan’s Condom would never ask you to put aside your instrument to take over flag duties. FYI.

    • Slade Ham says:

      Neeeeever irrelevant. I would think the flag would have to have pussy and stardust on it, no?

      • Gloria says:

        I swear to god, in the last five minutes, I’ve seen the word pussy six times in two different posts. TNB – we’re classy!

      • Yes. But in what type of configuration?

        Are we going Buffalo Bill style? A flag made of real cats?

        • Slade Ham says:

          That, or made of real… nah. Nevermind.

        • Joe Daly says:

          Wow.

          OK.

          First, if I did have a vagina, it would be granite and it wouldn’t bleed, it would spew streams of mercury.

          Secondly, if making sure that Slade’s happy and that he gets to play whatever instrument he’d like makes me Yoko Ono, then dig up John Lennon and take a picture of him spooning me naked.

          Finally, when you have the most metal chick of all time (Megan N. Dilullo) in the same band as the least metal chick of all time (Zara “Confuses Bon Jovi with G N’R” Potts), you’re going to sound like one of those celebrity vanity bands that rock nothing.

          Pussy Stardust is just a poor man’s Bacon Brothers.

        • Zara Potts says:

          You want a war, cupcake? You got a war…

        • HAHAHAHAHA!

          You guys are my favorite.

        • Becky says:

          *gets popcorn*

          “Cupcake” is one step from “Buster.”

          Nobody wants to be Buster.

        • Zara Potts says:

          I was going to put ‘sunshine’ – but I thought maybe that was going too far….

        • Joe Daly says:

          Yeah, “Sunshine” would change everything. Pookie!

        • Zara Potts says:

          Okay Sunshine… Put ’em up.
          I’ll Bacon Brothers you….

        • Joe Daly says:

          Wait, I keep forgetting you don’t really know music. Ok, then you’re like the poor man’s 30 Odd Foot of Grunt.

          Better, Pookie?

        • Zara Potts says:

          MEEEGGGGAAANNN!!! SLAAAAAAADE!!!
          Your bandmate is under attack!!!
          Heeeeelp!!

        • Slade Ham says:

          I’m here! Too late I’m afraid. Joe already made a Russel-Crowe’s-band joke… which is compounded by the fact that you are both New Zealanders.

          But I have your back now. I’m totally THAT guy, running in long after the fight is over screaming, “Who wants some?”

        • Zara Potts says:

          Thank God you’re here.. He’s accusing me of liking ‘Take That.’

        • Slade Ham says:

          That’s a bit of a low blow. On the other hand, he did offer to be my Yoko I believe. Kinda hard to hate him for that.

          I feel so loved. I’m being fought over! 🙂

        • Zara Potts says:

          So are you saying that you’re going to split up the band because Yoko has come in promising you the world? Stay strong Slade! Don’t be fooled into thinking you’re going to make better music with Yoko. You’ll just end up making albums full of screaming and weird noises.
          Stick with us. We are Paul and George. We got rid of Ringo for you.

        • Dude, with us you’re a dragon-slaying, flag waving ninja. With him you’ll end up making a ten hour film of the wind. And before you know it, your tree house will become the other woman. Your flag will get buried in the garage and the fancy pots and pans we wear on our heads while dragon slaying will be used for boiling potatoes.

        • Slade Ham says:

          Okay. You two know the way to my heart obviously. Plus, I’m pretty sure I get shot in his version…

          PUSSY STARDUST FOREVER!

        • Zara Potts says:

          Suck on THAT, Satan’s Stupid Condoms!!!!

        • Joe Daly says:

          Holy shit, I can’t believe I missed all of this. Shenanigans!

          Zara, you and whatever Westlife cover band you’re forming will be very happy on the shopping mall circuit. I wish you and Megan the best. Hey, on the bright side, you can visit Cinnabon between sets!

          Slade, Satan’s Condom is a fully plugged in, amped up, five alarm menace to society. You want to play guitar? Have at it. You want some time behind the drums? Go nuts. What’s that? You say you want to wave that massive flag and run around stage for awhile? Here- let me get out of your way. That’s how we do it in the Condom. Oh, and by the way- our band t-shirts are way cooler than theirs.

  22. This has crossed my mind, but from a marketing perspective it would greatly reduce female attendance.

    But it is pretty fucking metal.

    • Slade Ham says:

      Maybe a special fan club only flag… because it is all about the metal. We do have you though, which negates the need to overcompensate on the flag.

  23. Dana says:

    All right, where’s Hansen? He’s got some expertise in the rock/cat arena!

  24. Irene Zion says:

    Joe,

    Garfield Logan must be in completely perfect aerobic shape to be able to do that!
    Probably has the body of a man 20 years younger.
    I’m doing a weighted hula-hoop now.
    That doesn’t hold a candle to flag waving for over two hours!
    (Can you do it with a partially torn rotator cuff?)

  25. hello my husband tried to make this site to display in my opera browser. Had to switch to firefox, just thought you might wanna know.

  26. […] I would have to force myself to like Reggae, which unlike Slade Ham’s recent experience with a world-class flag waver, might permanently bum me out. I once went to a reggae show in the back of a dirty restaurant in […]

  27. […] Admirer of Garfield Logan, flag virtuoso. […]

  28. Jahn says:

    Big up Judah, saw him last night, and backstage, a truly great guy- he goes all the way back to early Melody makers… love him being there, he makes the show and shows dem a pic of Rastafari for real!

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