July 20, 2010
Okay, so after playing this game for several nights now, (and I’m sure millions more have done it too, after it was rumored that Brad Pitt might play Mikael “Kalle Fucking” Blomkvist), here are my suggestions for the cast of the American remake of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. But up front three rules I followed for my choices:
- No obscure actors and actresses. Alright, so that’s cheating a bit, but hey, I don’t know any obscure actors or actresses, and if someone should make counter-suggestions, I’d be too lazy to go to IMDB and look them up. So, all candidates were chosen from past major TV or movie productions. Unfair? Hell, yeah.
- Only actresses or actors who are still alive and of the right age were chosen. For example, Carrie Ann Moss might have made a kick-ass Lisbeth Salander earlier in her career, but wouldn’t fit the role now.
- Since I can’t make up my mind, I made a second list (see below, way below).
So, the biggest question of course is, naturally, who’s playing Lisbeth. But I won’t say, not yet. Instead I’m starting with
Mikael Blomkvist – Brad Pitt was in the running early, and would have been a terrible miscast (think Dan Brown’s Robert Langdon played by Tom Hanks). IMDB says that Daniel Craig will play him, and he’s going to be great, but I have to vote for Sean Bean.
Zala – this Russian rogue super-spy could be played by by Al Pacino and Alan Rickman, but Gary Oldman should get the job instead.
Erica Berger – she didn’t get any exposure in the Swedish movie version, which is, as far as I’m concerned a grave mistake. Julia Roberts might be an interesting choice, as might be Naomi watts, but I’ll go with Marisa Tomei.
Dr. Peter Teleborian – the weakness of the Swedish movies is that the gangsters always look nasty, yucky, and seem to smell of old socks. It is so much more effective to have a nice guy torture your hero and heroine! Jon Hamm would make a mean Teleborian, as would Tom Cruise. And again, Alan Rickman would be fantastic, but finally, Clive Owen should play the part.
Dragan Armansky – I can see the cringes, but hey, I like Sylvester Stallone!
Nils Bjurman – to see the Swedish actor lie on the floor in his white undergarments was disturbing. George Clooney would be a better choice.
Monica Figuerola – no one better than Katee Sackhoff.
Inspector Jan Bublanski – yes, Robert Downey, Jr.
Annika Giannini (Kalle’s sister) – Parker Posey.
Well, one left, and that’s Lisbeth. That’s, of course the hardest part. IMDB rumors that Carey Mulligan got the part. I do think that she seems more vulnerable than Noomi Rapace, even though it’s hard now to imagine anyone else playing Lisbeth. If Natalie Portman wants her Monster role, she should do it. Kristen Stewart could also be a revelation. But my choice is Lady Gaga.
Okay, since I’m indecisive, I promised another, second list and here it is:
Robert Downey Jr. plays every part. How can you go wrong with that? How?