Please explain what just happened.
Not sure, but whatever it was, I’m sorry.
What is your earliest memory?
I remember riding in the very back of my family’s station wagon, with the back window down and being tired and cold. My dad wouldn’t roll the window up so I tried wrapping myself up in whatever I could find–blankets, coats, towels. Don’t know how old I was but I still love going to sleep a little chilly.
If you weren’t a comedian, what other profession would you choose?
Blackjack dealer in Vegas.
Describe a typical work day.
Sleep in until 10 or 11am. Watch news as I eat breakfast/lunch. Spend the afternoon trying to book gigs or writing and editing material. In the evening do a show or spend time with my wife until she goes to bed. Stay up till 3 or 4 am watching TV and sending e-mails to bookers.
Is there a time you wish you’d lied?
Yeah. On Question #2.
What would you say to yourself if you could go back in time and have a conversation with yourself at age thirteen?
Have you heard of Clearasil? Appreciate that hair, Buddy (I’d call myself Buddy). Stop breakdancing and start writing some jokes. Don’t worry, you will get laid. Seriously. You could probably get some action now if you weren’t wearing those parachute pants.
If you could have only one album to get you through a breakup, what would it be?
AC/DC, Back in Black… who needs women when ya got Angus Young? I do. But he’d help meforget for awhile.
What are three websites—other than your email—that you check on a daily basis?
Yahoo! for news and what’s trending… for comedy ideas. IMDB… I could spend the whole day on there reading people’s interpretations on movies. Wikipedia… I love that I can look up any reference I hear and immediately get a possibly factual explanation.
From what or whom do you derive your greatest inspiration?
I think I’m always trying to impress myself. To surprise myself. That and the “Stars of the NFL” poster I had on my wall when I was a kid.
Name three books that have impacted your life.
1776, by David G. McCullough.
The Glass Castle, by Jeannette Walls.
A Confederacy of Dunces, by John Kennedy Toole.
If you could relive one moment over and over again, what would it be?
Performing comedy on David Letterman’s show.
If you could collaborate with any other artist, regardless of genre, who would it be?
Stanley Kubrick if it doesn’t have to be a living artist, Michael McDonald if it does.
What makes you feel most guilty?
Letting people down.
How do you incorporate the work of other artists into your own?
I love seeing anyone who throws the rules away. Even when it doesn’t work. I don’tnecessarily do that, but it makes me wanna work harder to push the creative process to a limit.
Please explain the motivation/inspiration behind your book and documentary film Dying to do Letterman.
Death. The best motivator of all. I got diagnosed with incurable cancer and was told I might only have five years to live. Although I’m not a worst-case scenario guy, I asked myself what I wanted to make sure happened in that time, and it was a a dream I had since I was 12, a dream that drove me to comedy in the first place: to perform on David Letterman’s show. It was a wake-up call. I dedicated whatever time I had left to accomplishing that goal.
What is the best advice you’ve ever given to someone else?
Someday isn’t on the calendar. Don’t schedule it.
List your favorite in the following categories: Comedian, Musician, Author, Actor.
Comedian: Brian Regan.
If you had complete creative license and an unlimited budget, what would your next project be?
I’d write, produce and direct a horror film.
What do you want to know?
If I’ll be held accountable. And who let the dogs out.
What would you like your last words to be?
I’ll be selling CD’s on the way out. Thank you and goodnight.
Please explain what will happen.
The same thing will happen that always happens. Life will go on.