Readers of The Nervous Breakdown did a tremendous job these last two weeks distilling the impressive harvest of what was a vintage year of TNB to five stand-out drafts; the final quintet, I submit, is, as they phrase it at the better MFA programs, pretty fucking good.


2011 is the Year of the Rabbit, which seems to augur good things for Volkswagon, Playboy, and TNB executive editor Jonathan Evison.  In the spirit of the holiday, here are some things I’d like to see go down in the coming year:


1.  People start saying “twenty-eleven” instead of “two-thousand-eleven.”


2.  Less Snooki, more nookie.


3.  Brad Listi interviews TNB’s 1,000,000th Twitter follower, Thomas Pynchon.


4.  Wikileaks reveals that Ke$ha is a board member of the Ayn Rand Institute.


5.  Duke Haney starts dating Bristol Palin.  “It’s good for the site,” he explains.


6.  We finally catch Osama Bin Laden…dancing with Kate Middleton at the royal wedding reception.


7.  Brett Favre goes the fuck away already. (Alas, he’s a shoe-in — a tap-shoe-in, if you will — for DWTS).


8.  Kim Jong-Il is toppled in North Korea, and replaced by David Wills.


9.  They make a Green Lantern movie.  No, wait — that’s what I’d have wanted in 1981.  In 2011, I’d rather see Scar-Jo in Bad Marie.


10.  Every last TNB editor, contributor, and reader makes so much money, we get to take advantage of the newly-extended Bush tax cuts.