Five minutes before President Obama addressed the nation and told us that his administration had successfully tracked down and killed Osama Bin Laden, I was watching Airplane! with some friends.

I’m not making that up, I swear.

I didn’t really take notice World of Warcraft until my friends started disappearing.One by one they seemed to drop silently from my social circle, among whose survivors their departure was reported with the solemn warrant of a war film.

It’s 9 PM, and I’m not wearing pants.

I’m 28 years old.  I hold two Masters degrees.  I have one sock on.  I’m splayed out on my couch like a dead bird, eating pickles and rechecking my email for the sixth time that hour while my television babbles in the background.  Astonishingly, I’m single.