Dear Dust

Get a clue, asshole. You’ll never write anything half as good as Fountainhead. Ayn Rand spelled it all out fifty years ago and if your [sic] too dumb to get it, then you can fall back in the mud with the rest.

The Light in The Cave

On a daily basis, about fifty questions speed through my brain so quickly I barely have time to recognize I’m even mentally asking them.

I think about these things almost always. My subconscious has become so clogged with questions that it’s started solving the puzzles and riddles while I’m asleep. My dreams have recently featured math quizzes from junior high, where I had a minute to solve as many multiplication problems as I could before my teacher would come by and snatch the paper off my desk.

Dear Dust

I think this new addition to TNB is great and I’d like to see it succeed. I don’t have any burning questions (though I am experiencing some burning – can you help with that?) Anyway, recently in The Guardian some famous contemporary authors offered their ten most important rules for writing. What are your top ten rules?

Cheers, Gloria

Dear Dust,

I have a chance—a slight chance, but a legitimate one—to have my novel blurbed by a famous and successful writer.  The only problem is, this famous and successful writer—and I won’t say who he is; let’s just say you’ll know him by his codices—is only famous and successful because his book sold well, not because he can write worth a damn.  And my low opinion of him is not exactly a state secret, as I’ve discussed his egregious suckitude on certain blog posts. Question: Is it ethically cool for me to expunge the Internet record of me hating on him and then ask for his blurb?  What if I wore a cerise around my thigh as penance? Furthermore, if he did grant me a blurb, and wrote a rave review, would his celebrity endorsement help expand my audience, or would the taint of his hack name turn off my core demographic?

Yours truly,
Bobby Langdon