For an explanation of the 30 Stories in 30 Days, start at Day 1.

Today’s “story” is not a story. It’s a list of titles for other stories that I made up, based on a very famous boy detective and his well-worn book titling convention. If you want an actual story, you’ll have to settle for this anecdote: one time I read the word “titling” and in my head I pronounced it “TIT ling” and I spent 5 minutes trying to figure out what the hell a “TIT ling” was and then I finally moved on and after reading the rest of the sentence realized that the word was “TY tul ling” and it meant “to give something a title” and I was an idiot. The year was 2009.

Okay! Without any further ado, I give you:

Six Encyclopedia Brown Books for 2011

  1. Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Groupon Massage
  2. Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Twitter Trend
  3. Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Dubious Divorce
  4. Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Movie Renter’s Mess-Up
  5. Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Stupid Scorpion Jacket that We Are All Going to Have to Deal With Being a Thing for a While
  6. Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Dr. Pepper Dipshits

Six Encyclopedia Brown Books That Describe My Weekend

  1. Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Thundersnow
  2. Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Law and Order Marathon
  3. Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Missed Birthday Party
  4. Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Accidental Nap
  5. Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Grown Woman Watching the Movie Spooky Buddies All By Herself for Some Reason
  6. Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Macaroni and Cheese Binge

Six Encyclopedia Brown Rip-Offs

  1. Thesaurus Bronze and the Claim of the Comparable Cousin
  2. Dictionary Dave and the Case of the Voluminous Vocabulary
  3. Wikipedia Brown and the Case of Anything Goes
  4. Detecting for Dummies and That Time What We Got Into Trouble
  5. Clancy Brown and the Case of the Shawshank Redemption
  6. A. Whitney Brown and the Big Picture

 

Four Years after The Party: A Prelude

Lynnie shared notes and aghast looks with me during French and geometry. We had overlapping circles of friends, subsets of the nerdiest, quirkiest, and smartest kids in our high school. She lived not only outside of the school district’s boundaries but also the city limits. Because our school had a gifted program, she didn’t have to go to the less challenging institution closer to home.

She lived in the boonies, BFE, on the rural edge of a small town. Not that I’d been there. This had come up in conversation a few times.

She invited me to a party at her house. I was most certainly non-committal when I accepted her handwritten driving instructions. I had plenty of reasons why I didn’t think my attendance was a good idea. The most consciously unsettling one–a boy I liked, far more than I wished to admit, might be there.