Are you constantly searching for the perfect vacuum,
that perfect vacuum under which your carpets will be reborn?
Do you need a vacuum with herculean suction, the perfect
vacuum for removing all evidence of human and animal presence?
This is the one vacuum for you, the only vacuum you will
ever need. It is inexhaustible, see how it sucks up this wet concrete.
These flaming coals? No problem for the perfect vacuum.
A five course meal, complete with candelabra and Irish table linens?
They are no match for the vacuum, its power and authority.
It was designed by a team of physicists, architects, and astronaut doctors.
You can put all your trust in its design. You can depend upon
the perfection of the vacuum to erase anything. Simply push the button
with your thumb, and watch as the troublesome matter vanishes.
It works on the same principles as sinkholes. Also it borrows techniques
from the jet engine, and from the undertow. This is the vacuum
of your dreams, it will solve your problems and your eyes are spared
the elimination. Look how light it is as you push it across the room,
how it helps you carry it up the stairs. This is your partner, it can keep
your secrets. Imagine how gorgeous and immaculate your household
can be, thanks to the perfect vacuum and its eternal guarantee. It will never
break, never lose suction, never implode or launch into space.
Everyone we know will be gone, and it will only be the perfect vacuums left.