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Mark RussellWho are you to rewrite the Bible?

A fan. But that’s okay, because the Bible is mostly fan-fiction. Most of the books of the Bible were written centuries after the events they describe and were written for the purpose of making old stories relevant to the people of their own time. So I don’t feel like I’m out of line. In fact, I feel like I’m working within the framework of a long-established tradition.

God-Is-Disappointed-in-You-coverThe Gospel According to Matthew:

Jesus was born in a barn in a small town called Bethlehem. Despite his redneck beginnings, everyone seemed to realize that there was something really special about Jesus. Even foreigners noticed it. Following an astrological sign auguring the birth of a new king, three wise men came to Israel to give Jesus some really expensive gifts, including gold, which was the ancient world’s equivalent of a gift card, frankincense, which was a kind of perfume, and myrrh, which was almost the same thing as frankincense. The three wise men were not imaginative gift-givers.