— by Meg Pokrass & Michael Dwayne Smith

Dear Peg Mokrass,

I have a very large crush on a very small man. He may be a dwarf. I am not sad, or happy. I am spooked. I bump into the cats. I spray deodorant on my face. Nothing feels the way it used to, and I am much too tall. Things are messed up. Sometimes, I contemplate finding Jesus. Any advice would be welcome. -Sincerely, Lovestruck and Tall


Dear LT,

I like little guys too! The heart follows its own Jim Jones to strange, remote islands. It tells us to drink its elixir, its Flavor Aid. LMAO x tragedy. Dude, to me? It sounds to me as though you are in deep, and this can only be good in terms of FINDING JESUS. I can help. [email protected]

When the heart leads us toward the following:

a. dwarfs

b. pillowy man with rickets

c. cosmetically enhanced contortionists

d. female Gestalt therapists

you know it’s time to ask for the the savior to make a house call!  LOL x God x [email protected] He needs the cash.

When the Lord arrives, have on something sweaty and cheesy (he’s corny) and sweltering. Serve ONLY organic hymen cherries ordered from [email protected] – Spread ’em around next to your basic Costco (and this is where you really save) rhubarb candles… Say the words he wants to hear.

Poof. Little-big-man will expand if not explode inside your soul.

Chortles,

Peg Mokrass,

Sanity Liposuction & Behavioral Goddess


Meg’s new book “Damn Sure Right” 88 flash fiction stories is available here from Press 53

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