…in which he asks the same questions ‘Teen Magazine’ asked actor and heartthrob Zac Efron in December 2005; find the original interview here.

Age: 41

Sign: Pisces

Birthplace: Portsmouth, VA

You may know me because:

I emailed you to ask you about mooning.

My house is:

In the suburbs, but pretty big.

The first thing I do every morning is:

Look for glasses, then coffee, then the New York Times. Oh, and then my children. And wife.

About my pets:

Two cats, Lux and Nadine, inherited by marriage. They don’t like me and I don’t like them. Someday they will be dead. In the meantime, I feed them and pick up their droppings.

I exercise:

On elliptical machines that never go anywhere, and always seem to have reruns of Monk on the TV.

Lately I’ve been surprised by:

The career of high-profile attorney Gloria Allred.

The cereals in my cupboard are:

Grains that go with rice milk. It’s my most progressive meal of the day.

Heaven on earth is:


The Spotty Dog Books & Ale in Hudson, NY

Dove and Hudson Old Books in Albany, NY

The warm lap of poet-bartender Shafer Hall

For dinner, I like to make:

A phone call to a place that delivers.

I’ll eat sushi:

If it’s in New York. In Albany, not so much.

My coolest article of clothing:

It’s my glasses these days: Basic horn-rimmeds from Selima Optique or Butch Spectaculars from Fabulous Fanny’s.

My most prized possession:

A Burns Brian May Red Special replica guitar.  And a mint copy of the Sex Pistols’ Never Mind the Bollocks on 8-track.

My TV screen is:

…in need of an upgrade.

My favorite TV channel is:

The DVR playback channel, where episodes of Nash Bridges and CSI: Miami wait patiently to be viewed.

My first financial splurge:

A pimped-out stereo in my Honda Fit.  Totally unnecessary.

Wackiest fan encounter:

An actor who I had seen on the previous evening’s Law & Order who stopped me on Second Avenue to tell me he really liked the leaving New York essay (“Goodbye to All Them,” which appears here and is in How to Be Inappropriate.) I asked him to repeat his line from the episode.  He played a doorman. He paused to get back into character and said something like the following: “I dunno, officer. Last time I saw him leave the building he looked angry and had a lot of luggage.”

Before I die, I want to:

Finally convince my friend Chris Connelly that Neil Diamond has contributed more to Western Civilization than Neil Young.

Celebrity whom I’d ask for an autograph:

Cindy Sherman.

Dream car:

A red 1965 Mustang convertible.

When I fly I have to have [Original Zac Efron answer here]:

Rocket boots! Otherwise I always seem to fall….

People would be surprised that I:

Am just like you.

Book I’m reading:

Philosophical Dictionary by this French guy Voltaire.

Magazines I subscribe to:

The Believer, Dwell, Details, International Male, Poets & Writers, Harper’s, Kenyon Review, New Yorker, New York, McSweeney’s, Mojo, Pank, People, Vanity Fair, Vogue.

Favorite cartoon:

Looney Tunes.

The DVD release I was most excited about was:

Queen + Paul Rodgers Super Live in Japan.

I can’t start my day without:

Coffee (see above).

If I had to spend $10 at my favorite fast-food joint, I’d order:

Burger King all the way.