1) Show up to your first rehearsal with the cheapest, ugliest, most elaborately decorated guitar you can find. When asked about it say, “Ten bucks at a pawn shop!”

2) Stop rehearsal every time your cell phone vibrates.

3) At the announcement of a new gig, no matter the city or venue, make an exasperated noise, kick the ground and say, “Not that fucking place again.”

4) During a concert, yell “I got it” when the band slides into its first solo break. Do the same for every subsequent song.

Wilco’s got a new record coming out, their seventh, set to be released on June 30. The album’s called Wilco (The Album), and it’s one of those late-career, self-titled deals, so I suppose we may need some reminding that it is a record properand not some sort of greatest hits package. I caught wind that they were streaming the new record for fans and the Wilco-curious. So I headed over to Wilcoworld to check it out, only to discover that the free stream hyperlink had been supplanted by a pre-order hyperlink.

My wife is pregnant.

Showing.

Growing.

Glowing.

Claire is fertilizing my seed, so to say, and supposedly on June 6th we’ll have a full grown zucchini ready for bucketing.*