Singing while riding a bicycle:
Easier if you’re on flat ground or going downhill, but I’ll sing in between breaths up a hill as well.
Dancing alone in the house:
It started at five years old with my record player and a Temptations album and decades later it hasn’t stopped.
Walking in the City:
Shaking hands with people you know. Meeting new people. Nodding your head at fellow mustached men.
The Mighty Boosh:
Always funny, watching The Boosh is like getting tickled by an angel.
Twirling tongues, oh such sweet intimacy.
I’m not a jock, I’m an artist dammit. But when it comes to the San Francisco Giants I keep up. On my birthday last year, Jonathan Sanchez pitched a no-hitter. The first Giants no-hitter since 1976. That no-hitter will last a lifetime.
Getting that phone number:
It could lead to growing old with a beautiful woman; a few dates and running far away when she wants you to meet her family in Portugal and asks if you own a tuxedo or the number sweats off your hand before you ever make the call, but you still got a phone number.
Shooting live sperm:
My ex-wife wanted me to get snipped. To shoot blanks. She was adamant about not wanting to have kids. I couldn’t do it, and looking back and very glad I didn’t do it for her. There are a few things that men actually do that precede survival instincts. We eat, we drink, we pee, we shit, we come. Women have a little more work actually pushing out the kid and nursing it, etc. I’m glad I stuck to my guns and still have a chance to have a kid.
Oh, that finger feels like you’re in a lab on a spaceship and aliens are doing an invasive anal probe. Then there’s that awkward moment when the doctor is finished, when you feel like you need a post coital cigarette. Unfortunately, it’s the only action I’ve received lately and I feel like calling my doctor to discuss my feelings and see if he owns a tuxedo and would like to meet my family.
When the lights dim before Nick Cave performs:
My heart always skips a beat as he walks onstage. I’ve been lucky to interview him a few times, and set aside my internal screaming little girl for a good article, but being in that crowd, and the lights go down and that first song kicks in. Pure bliss.
Getting that book deal:
A phone call that stirs up a mix of emotions….after enough rejections, there’s disbelief…then there’s the, holy shit I’m in…which leads to, of course it’s getting published, that was three years of meticulous work. Then as the months roll on towards publication you learn the process of writing the book and getting the deal are only one piece of the pie.
Having enough fiber in your diet to go twice a day. I like to shadow box after a good one.
Reading a book:
One of the sexiest things in the world is reading a novel at a cafe or wine bar. I feel sexy a lot. You ladies are sexy as well.