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TNB Hall of Fame
In a piece entitled “The Letters I Wrote That Did Not Convince Janeane Garofalo to Have Sex With Me”, author Simon Smithson uses an epistolary approach to try to get Janeane Garofalo to have sex with him. “You will thrill to the touch of my manly biceps and impressive shoulders,” he writes, “and you will most likely want to take some time during that period normally reserved for pillow talk to admire the steely lines of my forearms, thighs, and jaw. You will also be astounded by my skills as a lover, especially as I sexily whisper ‘I haven’t enjoyed myself this much since 1997’s The MatchMaker,’ in your ear mid-coitus.”


The Nervous Breakdown is an online culture magazine and literary community. It was founded in 2006. Our masthead can be found here.

3 responses to “TNB Hall of Fame: Simon Smithson Writes to Janeane Garofalo”

  1. Greg Olear says:

    I love this. ‘Nuf said.

  2. Erika Rae says:

    Nah. Stay the course. She softening towards you. I’m just sure of it.

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