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Long ago, on a broadband far, far away…
An intrepid band of writers (or rather, their avatars gravatars) arm themselves with lightsabers to take on the many minions of doom hellbent on doing them harm:
Meanwhile, halfway across the galaxy, a young Jedi knight awaits the end of his nine-year dry spell.
Who will prevail in this battle of the ages? We’ll find out anon. (Or, if you prefer: We’ll find out, Anon).
“We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete.”
Awesome! My VileBoris gravatar is at the ready in service to TNB and especially Drab (I mean BRAD!). One proviso: the gravatar will NOT attack Rodent! Its motto, taken from the military contingent at a local base: “Deter or Destroy–but do not touch Rodent”. I want my VB gravatar to be holding a RED-emanating light saber; so much more attractive and lethal.
That’s awesome! 🙂
And I am honored to have scored a reference! This goes on the resume….
Anon, now all you need is a lightsaber.
There are other things besides lightsabers…
[cue breathy voice]
Greg, that is incredibly subtle and brilliantly clever. I just noticed it. Now all you need is a blaster in the NW corner… *wink wink*
Thanks. Was hoping you’d notice! I changed it two days ago…and there was no rule saying it HAD to be a lightsaber.
Greg, after you said you changed your Gravatar, it took me like 10 refreshes before I realized what you had changed. Nice work, man. Quite subtle.
I guess I just hadn’t been paying attention. I happened to glance up and notice it that time though. “Is that Darth motherfucking Vader?”
I really said that out loud. I absolutely love the creativity that little exercises like this generate.
Thanks, guys. I think the fun is that it takes so long to notice.
Darth motherfucking Vader. Ha!
I already told Zara, I have one – it’s just under my trenchcoat. And yes, I know how totally pervy that sounds. Besides, I’m much more of the “blaster at my side” type.
Master Blaster Anon.
Who runs Bartertown?!
Anon runs Bartertown!
I now find myself sizing up the denizens of my lunchtime coffee shop to see who might make a good pairing in a cage for brutal combat. I feel like Dana White….
First a mention on TNB, then finally awarded an MBA. This is an auspicious day. I must buy a Lotto ticket!
I am working on a new gravatar in which I will both a lightsaber and a cannon. 🙂
Ha! I am working on converting my wife to Mormonism so I won’t feel sleazy proposing to all these weapon-wielding women on TNB. 🙂
I think any man who wants more than one of us is insane! I better find myself a bigger cannon. 🙂
And here I thought only guys obsessed over that….
What’s Star Wars talk without references to fallus length?
Have you ever seriously looked at Darth Vader’s silhouette? Yeah, he’s got the whole “pinchy-chokey-mind-control thing” so I wouldn’t say it to his face but he kind of looks like a walking, uncut schlong from the back. Just sayin’.
My goodness Anon–I don’t know how I didn’t notice that before.
Everyone knows, Aaron, that it’s quantity not quality that counts—no, size not weight—no, height not brand—no, torque not tricks. . . woh, this could be the longest extended pun ever. I keep getting this tangled up (so to speak): Is it “fall-us” or “phal-angst” or “phal-atulant”?
You said “longest”. And “extended”. Heh. Heh-heh.
And, Anon, you extended your “Heh”.
heh heh
The Gravatar wars have reached the home page of TNB. The Force is strong with us.
Except Anon. He’s not down with hokey religions and ancient weapons.
I just spent 10 minutes trying to find it, but I distinctly remember you and I having a snippet of dialogue, and the question was posed… “How long until everyone has a lightsaber?”
I am so happy. Look what you’ve started 🙂
I may have brandished the first light saber, Slade, but you made it cool.
Nope. I’ll share credit with you at best, but you totally made this happen. Regardless, there are some really cool Gravatars now 8)
I really have to find that conversation you and I were having. It was somewhere around the first.
I’d love to be a Jedi.
Alas I can barely lift rocks with arms, let alone my mind…
OK, so yeah, um… being the new guy around here, do I need a light saber? Is it just a common thing I should have, just in case? Or is it like a game- after writing a certain number of articles, I unlock the light saber code?
I am not so secure in my TNB identity that I won’t jump on whatever glitzy bandwagon is coming down the road.
Well, get secure dammit!
Check your email.
Thanks! Nothing’s stopping me, now. This will be great for cutting apples, opening cans, robbing liquor stores, etc.
Awesome lightsaber, Joe!!! You are a man of action.
That’s what she said.
Thanks, Megan, but I have to thank Obi Wan Ham for my new gear. I feel really fierce now!
And Richard… :rim shot: 🙂
Plus Anon is a “side-blaster”…..not so sure that’s allowed. But if he’s “not own with ancient weapons”, I say we keep him in our cohort.
I need to ask Rodent before I get my very own light saber. Do you wear it like Elizabethan guys wore their swords? Will this engender a bunch of comments on codpieces? Never did go a bundle on pieces of limp fish.
I’m more than content to be the non-telekinetic, mercenary, hanger-on, Han Solo type, especially if it means I get to be deep-frozen at some point. FINALLY, I’ll be able to get some sleep around my kids! Please do not thaw for at least four months.
I quoted Han Solo on Slade’s comment board.
If I knew how to photoshop I’d have a gravatar complete with blaster by my side.
As it is I’m as technologicaly advanced as the ewoks…
We run a lightsaber shop almost exclusively, but I’m certain Rich or I could manage to fashion some sort of blaster if you really wanted one…
I would need a picture to work with though.
I don’t think I have any blaster-friendly pictures…
and Han Solo did use a lightsaber…
I’m heading straight to the Dagobah system and I’m not leaving until my friends need my help in Cloud City…
Wait, when did Solo use a lightsaber?
He cut open the Ton Ton to keep Luke warm in Empire.
“And I thought they smelled bad…on the outside.”
I now have an almost uncontrollable urge to watch the Star Wars trilogy back to back…
See, now this is why I like the character. Big, fancy, la-dee-dah lightsaber (was it his or did he take it from semiconscious Luke?) and he uses it like a Leatherman multitool. I would drink with that man.
He took it from Luke
Of course he did. That was amateur of me. Of course I know that. Geez. You can borrow mine if you need to, James.
How did I not remember the tauntaun scene? I mean, I remember the scene obviously, but the lightsaber part. I’m rambling to mask my frustration.
I misspelled Tauntaun. I should turn in my lightsaber.
And it wasn’t even that long ago that I found this page of awesomeness, where the word Tauntaun is spelled by people who know what they’re talking about.
That is beyond awesome.
Isn’t it, though?
“Sleeping bag simulates the warmth of a Tauntaun carcass.”
Baahahaha.
I’ve spent many a winter night wishing I was comfortably encased in the carcass of a Tauntaun…
BWA! HA HA HA HA HA!!!!
I just realized everyone was commenting on this. Cool. And now we know the planet of origin…Planet Tulsa.
Planet Tulsa of the Okie system. A planet full of rednecks where an intrepid band of normalish rebels fight to overthrow the totalitarian regime.
These lightsabers are the shit.
Yours is still the best, I think. Although Gloria’s might give you a run for your money.
I don’t think you can have more fun with Photoshop than this, Zorro.
Thanks Richrob. It’s all thanks to you, you know. Z (just imagine that I typed that initial with a sword)
Man, I can hardly remember back to the days when I didn’t have a lightsaber.
Your saber is awesome, Joe.
Personally, I think you both have impeccable taste in saber designers.