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Long ago, on a broadband far, far away…


An intrepid band of writers (or rather, their avatars gravatars) arm themselves with lightsabers to take on the many minions of doom hellbent on doing them harm:


Spiders!


Killer whales!


Rodent!


Big bear!


Aspartame!


Meanwhile, halfway across the galaxy, a young Jedi knight awaits the end of his nine-year dry spell.


Who will prevail in this battle of the ages?  We’ll find out anon.  (Or, if you prefer: We’ll find out, Anon).


“We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete.”


The Nervous Breakdown is an online culture magazine and literary community. It was founded in 2006. Our masthead can be found here.

60 responses to “Recently at TNB 030910”

  1. Judy Prince says:

    Awesome! My VileBoris gravatar is at the ready in service to TNB and especially Drab (I mean BRAD!). One proviso: the gravatar will NOT attack Rodent! Its motto, taken from the military contingent at a local base: “Deter or Destroy–but do not touch Rodent”. I want my VB gravatar to be holding a RED-emanating light saber; so much more attractive and lethal.

  2. Lorna says:

    That’s awesome! 🙂

  3. Anon says:

    And I am honored to have scored a reference! This goes on the resume….

  4. Anon says:

    I already told Zara, I have one – it’s just under my trenchcoat. And yes, I know how totally pervy that sounds. Besides, I’m much more of the “blaster at my side” type.

  5. Lorna says:

    I am working on a new gravatar in which I will both a lightsaber and a cannon. 🙂

  6. Anon says:

    Ha! I am working on converting my wife to Mormonism so I won’t feel sleazy proposing to all these weapon-wielding women on TNB. 🙂

  7. Lorna says:

    I think any man who wants more than one of us is insane! I better find myself a bigger cannon. 🙂

  8. Anon says:

    And here I thought only guys obsessed over that….

    • Aaron Dietz says:

      What’s Star Wars talk without references to fallus length?

      • Anon says:

        Have you ever seriously looked at Darth Vader’s silhouette? Yeah, he’s got the whole “pinchy-chokey-mind-control thing” so I wouldn’t say it to his face but he kind of looks like a walking, uncut schlong from the back. Just sayin’.

      • Judy Prince says:

        Everyone knows, Aaron, that it’s quantity not quality that counts—no, size not weight—no, height not brand—no, torque not tricks. . . woh, this could be the longest extended pun ever. I keep getting this tangled up (so to speak): Is it “fall-us” or “phal-angst” or “phal-atulant”?

  9. Richard Cox says:

    The Gravatar wars have reached the home page of TNB. The Force is strong with us.

    Except Anon. He’s not down with hokey religions and ancient weapons.

    • Slade Ham says:

      I just spent 10 minutes trying to find it, but I distinctly remember you and I having a snippet of dialogue, and the question was posed… “How long until everyone has a lightsaber?”

      I am so happy. Look what you’ve started 🙂

    • Judy Prince says:

      Plus Anon is a “side-blaster”…..not so sure that’s allowed. But if he’s “not own with ancient weapons”, I say we keep him in our cohort.

      I need to ask Rodent before I get my very own light saber. Do you wear it like Elizabethan guys wore their swords? Will this engender a bunch of comments on codpieces? Never did go a bundle on pieces of limp fish.

      • Anon says:

        I’m more than content to be the non-telekinetic, mercenary, hanger-on, Han Solo type, especially if it means I get to be deep-frozen at some point. FINALLY, I’ll be able to get some sleep around my kids! Please do not thaw for at least four months.

    • I quoted Han Solo on Slade’s comment board.

      If I knew how to photoshop I’d have a gravatar complete with blaster by my side.

      As it is I’m as technologicaly advanced as the ewoks…

  10. BWA! HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

  11. Greg Olear says:

    I just realized everyone was commenting on this. Cool. And now we know the planet of origin…Planet Tulsa.

  12. Zara Potts says:

    These lightsabers are the shit.

  13. Joe Daly says:

    Man, I can hardly remember back to the days when I didn’t have a lightsaber.

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