…in which he asks the same questions ‘Teen Magazine’ asked actor and heartthrob Zac Efron in December 2005; find the original interview here.

Age: 41

Sign: Pisces

Birthplace: Portsmouth, VA

You may know me because:

I emailed you to ask you about mooning.

My house is:

In the suburbs, but pretty big.

The first thing I do every morning is:

Look for glasses, then coffee, then the New York Times. Oh, and then my children. And wife.

About my pets:

Two cats, Lux and Nadine, inherited by marriage. They don’t like me and I don’t like them. Someday they will be dead. In the meantime, I feed them and pick up their droppings.

I exercise:

On elliptical machines that never go anywhere, and always seem to have reruns of Monk on the TV.

Lately I’ve been surprised by:

The career of high-profile attorney Gloria Allred.

The cereals in my cupboard are:

Grains that go with rice milk. It’s my most progressive meal of the day.

Heaven on earth is:


The Spotty Dog Books & Ale in Hudson, NY

Dove and Hudson Old Books in Albany, NY

The warm lap of poet-bartender Shafer Hall

For dinner, I like to make:

A phone call to a place that delivers.

I’ll eat sushi:

If it’s in New York. In Albany, not so much.

My coolest article of clothing:

It’s my glasses these days: Basic horn-rimmeds from Selima Optique or Butch Spectaculars from Fabulous Fanny’s.

My most prized possession:

A Burns Brian May Red Special replica guitar.  And a mint copy of the Sex Pistols’ Never Mind the Bollocks on 8-track.

My TV screen is:

…in need of an upgrade.

My favorite TV channel is:

The DVR playback channel, where episodes of Nash Bridges and CSI: Miami wait patiently to be viewed.

My first financial splurge:

A pimped-out stereo in my Honda Fit.  Totally unnecessary.

Wackiest fan encounter:

An actor who I had seen on the previous evening’s Law & Order who stopped me on Second Avenue to tell me he really liked the leaving New York essay (“Goodbye to All Them,” which appears here and is in How to Be Inappropriate.) I asked him to repeat his line from the episode.  He played a doorman. He paused to get back into character and said something like the following: “I dunno, officer. Last time I saw him leave the building he looked angry and had a lot of luggage.”

Before I die, I want to:

Finally convince my friend Chris Connelly that Neil Diamond has contributed more to Western Civilization than Neil Young.

Celebrity whom I’d ask for an autograph:

Cindy Sherman.

Dream car:

A red 1965 Mustang convertible.

When I fly I have to have [Original Zac Efron answer here]:

Rocket boots! Otherwise I always seem to fall….

People would be surprised that I:

Am just like you.

Book I’m reading:

Philosophical Dictionary by this French guy Voltaire.

Magazines I subscribe to:

The Believer, Dwell, Details, International Male, Poets & Writers, Harper’s, Kenyon Review, New Yorker, New York, McSweeney’s, Mojo, Pank, People, Vanity Fair, Vogue.

Favorite cartoon:

Looney Tunes.

The DVD release I was most excited about was:

Queen + Paul Rodgers Super Live in Japan.

I can’t start my day without:

Coffee (see above).

If I had to spend $10 at my favorite fast-food joint, I’d order:

Burger King all the way.

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DANIEL NESTER’s latest book is How to Be Inappropriate, a collection of humorous nonfiction. It’s been called a “deeply funny new collection of booger-flecked nonfiction” (Time Out New York), an “enjoyable read” (Library Journal), an “an entertaining look at defying the conventions of appropriate behavior” (The Daily Beast), and “one of the year's funniest books” (Largehearted Boy).

 He's also the editor of (The Incredible Sestina Anthology), which will be published in 2013 by Write Bloody Publishing. He is the author of God Save My Queen and God Save My Queen II, collections on his obsession with the rock band Queen. His writing has appeared in Salon, The Morning News, The Daily Beast, The New York Times, The Rumpus, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, and Bookslut. He teaches writing at The College of Saint Rose in Albany, NY.

He lives online at DanielNester.com and on Twitter at @danielnester.

4 responses to “Daniel Nester: The TNB Self-Interview”

  1. Marni Grossman says:

    Something must be done about your DVR full of “Nash Bridges.” It’s time for an intervention.

    • Phat B says:

      I knew they made Nash Bridges for somebody. I’ve never met anyone else who watched that show. Cheech and Don Johnson in Miami. Jesus. I think I’ve got a child abuse case against my parents for making me watch that show.

      • Phat B says:

        Wait. San Francisco! That’s why his name was Bridges. Ha! Why must these memories keep surfacing. I’m going to need therapy after this. My god, I just remembered Cheech’s terrible Mr. Toad hats! Help!

  2. LitPark says:

    That was awfully fun to read!

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