Last night, a thunderbolt from the heavens struck a 62 foot tall statue of Jesus in Ohio, and burned it to the ground. The statue, originally titled “King of Kings”, has become known as the “Touchdown Jesus” by pretty much everyone who has seen it:
The fact that a statue of Jesus was struck by lightning is likely to cause quite a stir in some circles. How could this have happened? Is there more than a random weather pattern at play?
People who watched the statue burn had a variety of reactions:
One woman said, “It sent goosebumps through my whole body because I am a believer. Of all the things that could have been struck, I just think that that would be protected. … It’s something that’s not supposed to happen, Jesus burning. I had to see it with my own eyes.”
Another woman was quoted as saying, “God struck God, I like the irony. Jesus struck Jesus.”
The sign for an adult store across the street was untouched.
Touchdown Jesus was constructed out of styrofoam, resin, fiberglass, wood and concrete. Total damages from the fire are estimated at around $700,000.
While I’ll leave the final conclusion to the theologians, I thought I would offer up at least a few ideas about how something like this could have happened. Please feel free to add to my list.
- God has had enough of Big Butter Jesus video
- Too many Obama voters in the church (Obama=antichrist)
- Message from God (something about idolatry)
- Stern message from Rio de Janeiro Jesus
- Demonic terrorist attack
- “Touchdown Jesus” victim of sabotage from other heavenly football team
- Aliens mistook Touchdown Jesus for nuclear strike system
- Failed attempt to raise Touchdown Jesus by alien tractor beam
- Zeus has spoken
- The statue was asking for it
- God is actually Jewish
- Jesus statue was in a pose of “drowning” – act of mercy from above
- Flyby smiting…
- Touchdown Jesus forgot to discharge static at the pump
- Touchdown Jesus failed to follow up Doritos 3rd Degree Burn with Pepsi Max Cease Fire