As “Friday Bloody Friday,” Duke Haney‘s triumphant return to these pages, has vanished (that’s a Peewee reference) from the “Most Read” list, where it has sat in kingly glory like Yertle the Turtle for the last ten days, usurped by a far inferior piece called “Eponymous,” I think it’s time to clarify something:

Unlike on TNB 2.0, where “Most Read” meant “most read all time,” 3.0’s “Most Read” means “most read in the last seven days.” The problem with the 2.0 version is that the system rewarded older pieces.  In the ten months I was active on the site, only Duke managed to crack that list. So the thinking here was that having a time limit would allow more pieces to be featured on the “Most Read” list.

One of the tweaks we have in the hopper is a “Must Read” list, which would be like the old “Most Read” list, so that we can have our literary cake and eat it, too.

Because that’s a ways off, however, I’d like to share the “Must Read” list…the list of the ten most read pieces since 3.0 launched on November 15 (two days after Friday the 13th, I might add).

Here it is:

1. Friday Bloody Friday, Duke Haney

In his first post on 3.0, Duke outs himself as the author of Friday the 13th Part VII.

2. Eponymous, Yours Truly

What makes a good title?  The word “boobs,” evidently.

3. TNB Self-Interview, Michael O’Keefe

We knew he had serious acting chops.  Now we know he’s a poet, too.

4. Dear 2009: Fuck You, Simon Smithson

Suck it, Oh-Nine.

5. Mr. & Mrs. Smith & Mr. & Mrs. Olear, Mr. Olear

Brangelina, meet Grephanie.

6. Satisfaction Won’t Buy You a Boob Job, Gloria Harrison

The best word I can think of to describe this TNB debut?  Perky.

7. The First Time Before the First Time, Matt Baldwin

In which Matt jumps through the requisite latex hurdles in order to get laid.

8. You Lost Me At Hello, Our Fearless Leader

I don’t know why you say hello, I say goodbye.

9. Underwear Dreams, Nick Belardes

Nick’s worst nightmare.

10. The Unexpected Christmas Gift, Irene Zion

Look at that S car go!

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GREG OLEAR is the Los Angeles Times bestselling author of the novels Totally Killer and Fathermucker and founding editor of The Weeklings.

26 responses to “Most Read…or Must Read?”

  1. Definitely Not James D. Irwin says:

    quite frankly I think it’s a disgrace that James D. Irwin’s ‘Unanswered Letters to Famous People’ isn’t on the list…

    • James D. Irwin says:

      shit. the gravatar pretty much gives the game away… oh well…

      • D.R. Haney says:

        Has anyone ever told you that in your gravatar, you slightly resemble Arthur Rimbaud?

        Oh, wait. Somebody once did.

        • James D. Irwin says:

          I remember that. I remember being a little freaked out after you posted me a link to a picture of him too…

          seems so, so long ago now as well…

        • D.R. Haney says:

          Yes, much has changed since then. You’re even finished your novel!

        • James D. Irwin says:

          Indeed I have. And sort of started a second one.

          I have few fond memories of 2009, but I do have a strong feeling it was the lead up to a fantastic 2010… or at least something important looming on the horizon…

          Last year I felt I was pretending, or playing at being a writer. Now I feel like I’m doing it for real. The enthusiastic jump straight into a second novel sort of gave me a strong hint that I love writing much more than I thought I did…

        • D.R. Haney says:

          Only love will sustain you, that’s for sure. It’s a brutal occupation, or so methinks.

          And Good God, you already started another novel? I’ve been thinking about my followup to BFL for three years, and it took me until a few weeks ago to finally crack it and make what I hope is a true start.

        • James D. Irwin says:

          The thing is BFL is a good novel!

          What I’m really doing right now is some sort of practical learning— writing my shit early novels whilst I’m young and hopefully working towards something better in the future.

          CCB was really my first proper, hardcore attempt at writing fiction. I’d written some silly stories and started five or so novels, but each one started out with half a plot and the hope the ending would sort itself out.

          The main story behind CCB came to me almost instantly. One moment I had no ideas for a novel, the next I had a story where I could see the ending. And then of course I had the support to drive me on to finish it.

          The thing that frustrated me most about it is how long it took— and it was all because I kept wasting time and losing focus.

          The novel I’ve started working on came from a couple of ideas that sprang from other projects. They started pulling together just as I was finishing CCB. And although writing the end of CCB was as frustrating as hell, and very boring (because there was no more room to play, as it were) once it was done I was itching to write another one.

          I had the opportunity, and it has the makings of a much better story already. I just wish I’d started it before Greg’s ‘Eponymous’ post, because it has what I think is a fairly good title…

        • D.R. Haney says:

          Brother, if you think CCB was a long time in the writing, you may have a few shocks ahead. Though a few classics were produced rather quickly. Faulkner’s As I Lay Dying, for instance, was written in something like six-eight weeks.

        • James D. Irwin says:

          The thing that frustrated me about how long it took to write wasn’t the length of time as such, but the fact that I wasted so much time. Really it should have taken two months at most— don’t forget I was unemployed and out of school all summer! And then by now I’d be on maybe a third of fourth draft…

          It’s a fairly short novel too— a little more than 50,000. It barely qualified in length, and the less said about the content itself…

          but then if I hadn’t, maybe I wouldn’t have come up with the idea I’m working on now… I’ve started believing quite heavily in fate of late….

          my goal for the end of the year is to have 3rd drafts of CCB and number 2, and to have started work on a third. (this is sort of a sub-goal to my resolution to be more disicplined)…

        • D.R. Haney says:

          Wasting time is practically a writer’s second job. That you do, or have done, so marks you as one of the breed.

        • James D. Irwin says:

          I’m an expert at procrastination.

          I had to watch a film for an assignment, a good one too, but I still kept pausing it every ten minutes to make tea, drop in here or facebook…

        • D.R. Haney says:

          I hear you. For me TNB amounts to Procrastination Central.

  2. D.R. Haney says:

    Peewee thanks you for the reference, sir. I’m in continual contact with him, to make myself sound like a batty novelist who fancies his characters absolutely real. I’m in fact not one, and don’t even know if such a novelist ever existed. I do know that Edith Wharton, on being asked about Ethan Frome, looked downcast and said, “Poor Ethan.” That kind of thing would certainly be in my line.

  3. JB says:

    How about a “Mostly Read” list, of the least read posts on TNB 3.0?

  4. I think it’s nice to have a shifting “Most Read” list. Although it is strange when a post has been riding high for ages and then it disappears. I thought, at first, there was some massive retaliation – like those of us without “Most Read” pieces all decided to stop reading a certain piece in some weird protest…

  5. Zara Potts says:

    All hail the Duke!
    (and every other wonderful writer on this site…)

  6. I am happy to have made the list with my loose chonies!! Thanks for clarifying. I dig the 7 days thing. I wish it was monthly though. Either way, I made a list!!

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