I have one less friend.
I shouldn’t care, but I do.
Why not just hide me?

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GREG OLEAR is the Los Angeles Times bestselling author of the novels Totally Killer and Fathermucker and founding editor of The Weeklings.

19 responses to “Defriended (A Haiku by Stephanie St. John Olear)”

  1. Zara Potts says:

    Stupid Facebook friend.
    You don’t need friends like that, Steph.
    BLOCK them now, I say.

  2. Thank you dearest, Z!
    My haiku was all alone.
    You make TNB!

  3. Zara Potts says:

    A lonely haiku?
    I could not let that happen..
    ..not to a Sin Jin!

  4. During my time on Facebook (2004-1010), I only defriended one person and that was for two reasons: 1) The guy ended up being an actual pervert. Older dude. Around 60. Used to work with some of my relatives. Literally tried to ask me out and said some really weird junk to me in the process. Two problems with that: I’m straight and, at the time, was engaged to be married (to my wife who is a woman); and 2) He also used to tag me every other day in one of his Obama is a socialist-commie-Muslim-anti-Christ rants (“notes”). That’s just annoying.

    I just deleted my Facebook account two weeks ago so I hope none of my friends think I defriended them. I didn’t. I simply unfriended Facebook: Farewell Facebook, Ta Ta Twitter. Sorry you have/had a douche of a friend.

    • Well, that totally make sense that you’d defriend that person. Yeeesh.
      As a rule, really, if you don’t want contact with someone, I think it’s ok to do so.
      Especially if it’s someone creepy, like that dude. Yeeesh.

      I’ve only defriended one person, as well. He was a high school teacher of mine
      who I am pretty sure was trying to get with a most of the girls he coached on the soccer team he coached. Creepy. And he was never nice to me in high school, because I was onto him.
      I kept refuses, or, I’m sorry, ignoring his request and finally, I gave in, thinking, well, since everyone from my high school is friends with him – maybe I’m just being too picky.
      But, ended up defriending him – because – he was still creepy. Yeesh.

      And the person who defriended me – defriended a bunch of people – think he was trimming his list down. Weird. And he’s still friends with Greg – guess he figured he’ll find out enough about me and our family, if he ever cares, through Greg. Oh, it’s all so silly. When I see him next, do I say something? Thanks for saying I’m trim-worthy?

      I congratulate you for deleting your account. I have toyed with doing so myself, like everyone else.
      But, then something happens where I find out someone has died only because I’m Facebook.
      I have to learn to not let it swallow me whole. I should spend time at more productive places like TNB.

  5. Slade Ham says:

    Don’t sweat it, Steph. I lost several today myself. Might have had to do with my status about punching babies in the face…

    I’m sure you did nothing so severe. Fuck ’em, I say.

    • Really, today? What is it – are people trying to trim down for the holidays?
      So, silly. And what my haiku is all about. Just hide people if they bug you.
      Why do people have to get all drastic n shit. The person who killed me off – it’s not like I’m not going to see
      him around. Awkward!
      Oh, well, fug ’em.
      I’ll never defriend you! Or even hide you!
      How does that feel?

  6. D.R. Haney says:

    Happens to me constantly!

    • Really? Well, they’re just assholes who don’t deserve your awesome links to rare music clips
      and shows. Does it really happen constantly? Are you looking at the numbers like I do?
      I can’t help myself – I get numbers obsessed. I’m not like Greg who doesn’t even know how many friends he has. And really, I don’t want to know. But, I can’t help myself.

      • Greg Olear says:

        There’s no way in hell that Duke is not aware of how many friends he has at any given moment. For starters, his memory is photographic, or close to, best as I can tell.

  7. I have a weird equilibrium where I seem to lose and then gain back 2-3 new people a week. I choose to see it as a sign of intellectual flexibility and personal evolution.

    (Friend me, please, Stephanie?)

    • Yay! A friend request! There’s equilibrium for you.
      One friend of mine thought I was truly upset upon seeing my haiku
      (and I’ll admit, I’ve been under the influence of Mucinex DM all week – heavy duty crack –
      so my haikuing and limericking may have to do with that).
      She wrote something about God closes a door and opening a window (sweet – but a little dramatic,
      I mean, I wasn’t that upset.)
      So, maybe you’re the window! Score!

  8. Uche Ogbuji says:

    How did you even
    Find out you got defriended?
    Does it say “unpoked”?

  9. I went to his wall.
    Once an open door, now shut.
    Oh well, oh well, pfffft.

  10. Tawni says:

    I have had this happen more times than I have fingers. Usually high school people. Almost all of them friend-requested me in the first place, which is what’s truly annoying. (It wasn’t enough to treat me like a freak in high school; you’ve got to seek me out and reject me one more time in this life? Great.) I went to a small-town Midwestern high school, so maybe I turned out too liberal for them? I dunno. It’s happened a lot, though.

    A friend I was already friends with friend-requested me recently. Confused, I accepted, and sent him a message telling him that I didn’t “un-friend” him. He promised he didn’t “un-friend” me, so we decided it was a Facebook glitch. Maybe something like that happened with your pal too? (Chirped Pollyanna hopefully, right before the punch to the face from reality.)

    If not, then screw him. Nobody who is REALLY your friend would trim you off their list.

  11. Thanks, Tawni, and you’re right.

    And I HEAR YOU on the whole high school repeat! I had that kind of thing happen to me:
    I was “friended” by an entire group of girls from my high school who would not give me
    the time of day, back then.
    And then the same thing happened on Facebook.
    They were all ” lol-ing ” together on each others’ walls and planning trips.
    They “friended” me but never said hi or wrote a note – it was odd. It made me feel like I felt then.
    So, I hid them all – MUHWAAAHHHH! But, I didn’t de-friend, because, that would be too dramatic, yes?
    And then I remembered that I am a grown woman now, way cooler than these people grew up to be.
    But those high school feelings still linger – isn’t that annoying?????
    And, you, my friend, are I’m way better/cooler than anyone who would ever do that to you!
    Thanks, Facebook – I thought high school was over.
    Years of therapy – gone!

  12. Oh, no, Greg’s not around to edit my typo above – but, I think you get the idea.

  13. Sally Smith says:

    It is interesting you are writing this when you yourself unfriend people! I guess life mimicks art…

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