PLACING PEYTON
All-world quarterback Peyton Manning, who missed all of last season with a neck injury, was unceremoniously dumped by his longtime team, the Indianapolis Colts. Where will Peyton wind up?
The New York Jets
An improvement on The Sanchize.
The NBC Studio
Can work pre-game show with his old coach, Tony Dungy
The Romney Ticket
Like Mitch Daniels, can deliver Indiana.
Traction
Dude, you’re 35 freakin’ years old, and you hurt you’re freakin’ neck. Hang up the spikes! After all, there’s a word for the force of fortuitousness that lets you ride off into the sunset gracefully and intact: Luck.
–GMO
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