The other day as I was driving my daughter to a doctor’s appointment, a woman pulled up alongside us, leaned over and held a book up to the passenger-side window. I gave her a friendly wave, because I’m always up for a good book recommendation. But she continued to hold it there, staring straight ahead, as we both edged forward in the traffic.

Gosh, I thought. She really likes this book. And seems to think that it’s just the book for me!

I took a closer look: the title was The Marketing of Evil, and on the cover was an apple being temptingly proffered. Later that day, I looked the book up online and read the description:

 “Americans have come to tolerate, embrace and even champion many things that would have horrified their parents’ generation—from easy divorce and unrestricted abortion-on-demand to extreme body piercing and teaching homosexuality to grade schoolers. They have fallen victim to some of the most stunningly brilliant and compelling marketing campaigns in modern history.”

Now it was clear to me that the woman was recommending her book in response to the “Equal Marriage” sticker on the bumper of my car. And I was horrified: Had I myself been duped by these marketing campaigns espousing evils like homosexuality? Could it be that it wasn’t actually my own moral convictions, as I’d always thought, but the propaganda machine of depravity that had led me to believe that being gay is OK, and that all people should have the same rights regardless of their sexuality?

I work in advertising myself, so I know all about the tricks marketers use to reel people in: attractive packaging, beloved celebrity spokespeople and, above all, the promise that your life will be happier and more fulfilling if you buy what they’re selling.

I started thinking about the marketing tactics the snake-oil salesmen of wickedness might have used to fool me—a nice straight girl from the suburbs. And as I became aware of the trickery that had led to my acceptance of homosexuality as “normal,” it was as if thick, perverted wool was being lifted from my eyes.

Attractive packaging? Check: Those colorful rainbow flags, stickers and pins. (Who doesn’t love rainbows?!) The cute pixie haircuts on the lesbian baristas at my local coffee shop. The snappy suits on Tim Gunn. How could I be so naïve as to let myself be reeled in by these—the equivalent of one of those “serving suggestion” photos on a box of cereal?

I considered the next tactic of the pro-gay marketing juggernaut, celebrity spokespeople. I thought of some of my favorite openly gay public figures: Ellen DeGeneres, Neil Patrick Harris, Rachel Maddow—to name just a few. So distracted had I been by their talent, charisma and sheer normal-ness, I’d been blind to the fact that they were in fact, the agents of Satan.

And finally, the homosexuality shills’ cleverest trick of all: the illusion that accepting homosexuality leads to happiness and fulfillment. I nearly wept when I considered how many times I’d had enjoyable conversations with my gay and lesbian friends. Appreciated works of art, music and literature created by gay artists. Laughed at reruns of Will & Grace.

I’d been played like a fiddle—a fiddle in the hands of a big, gay devil.

Since coming to this realization, I’ve thought hard about whether or not I should go out and buy my own copy of The Marketing of Evil to more completely exorcise my belief that people should be free to love and marry whomever they want, without judgment or persecution—not to mention my acceptance of such sins as body piercings, divorce, and the right to safe, legal abortion.

But I fear that, having been victim to the propaganda crusade of evil for nearly forty years, I am beyond all hope. It is my sorry lot to loll in the muck of depravity for the rest of my life, and, after my death, writhe in the fires of hell for all eternity.

Alas, too little too late, goodly lady in the car. Too little, too late.

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JANE ROPER thinks "funny" bios accompanying humor pieces are overkill. She is the author of a memoir Double Time: How I Survived -- and Mostly Thrived -- Through my First Three Years Mothering Twins (St. Martin's Press) and a novel, Eden Lake (Last Light Studio). Her writing has appeared on Salon, The Rumpus, Poets & Writers and elsewhere. Jane has an MFA from the Iowa Writers' Workshop and a day job as a freelance copywriter. She lives in the Boston area with her husband and twin daughters. Visit her at www.janeroper.com

9 responses to “The Marketing of Evil: How I Became a Gay-Loving Chump”

  1. Rosstwinmom says:

    I too am beyond help. See you in hell with all the other nice but easily misled people.

  2. Camilla says:

    One wonders if she keeps a selection of materials in her car for stoplight education.

    Apparently your car is in nice shape, though? With a few scrapes to your paintwork, traffic harassment seems like a less safe proposition.

  3. Julie Marsh says:

    My Human Rights Campaign bumper sticker is like the secret handshake of gay loving chumps. Only we know what that yellow equal sign means.

  4. I don’t know whether this was big news and everyone’s seen it, but here’s Russell Brand with a couple of Westbro boys.

  5. Gregg A. Gold says:

    Jane. you Hit the nail on the head, even if you are being tongue -in-check. The whole idea is to present a “normalized” face on GBLT people. They have not only marketed themselves so successfully into duping the world into accepting them as ‘normal’, but GBLT the movement has become a politically powerful protected class, and are extremely well funded. Rather than seek to be accepted as ‘normal,’ they have literally become the new inquisition, seeking to intimidate and silence any and all dissenting voices or opposing opinions using well known shock & jamming tactics . So much for ‘tolerance.’

    But the truth will never go away. According to the Center for Disease Control & Prevention, homosexual and bisexual men are 44 times more likely to contract HIV/AIDS than heterosexuals. Currently, 63% of all homosexual & bisexual men in the USA now have HIV/AIDS, and another one-third are already infected but won’t know it until they become chronically sick. This means that 80% of all homosexual and bisexual men in the USA now have HIV/AIDS. The biggest risk group are young men and boys between the ages of 13 to 24. The 24 year olds will all be dead before the age of 50. The CDC cannot track homosexual and bisexual men over the age of 65 because there are so few of them, In Vancouver, Canada, homosexual men now make up 95% of all syphilis cases in that city alone, in spite of their tiny numbers.

    Mental health & addiction issues continue to plague GBLTs even in countries where their rights are fully protected. If same sex marriage was really such a burning issue, why do so few GBLTs actually tie the knot? Same sex marriage has been legal in Canada since 2005, yet same sex couples make up less than one-tenth of one-percent of all marriages in the country on an annual basis. Most GBLTs prefer to cohabit or continue having multiple sex partners. Changing marriage is not about “inclusion” or “equality,” it is about redefining society in the image that GBLT activists want, which means destroying any and all heterosexual barriers that stand in their way.

    There is a reason why GBLTs want kindergartners to be psychologically conditioned to accept queer culture. Gay activist Daniel Villarreal stated in a 2011 piece that appeared on the popular gay site Queerty.com;

    “We want educators to teach future generations of children to accept queer sexuality. In fact, our very future depends on it.”

    “Recruiting children? You bet we are,” he said. “And I would very much like for many of these young boys to grow up and start f**ing men.”

    With statements like this, are you really surprised that people are suspicious, even angry with homosexuals activists and their shrill demands?

  6. tony says:

    The truth is that people prefer evil than good,gay or lesbian are all evils brought to people by a group of satanic agents.
    But i know good will always prevail over evil, when good people with Godly mind enterpolitical power things will change, the politicans and press have implement this evils of gay and lesbians to both the adaults and innocent children. This is really bad.

  7. A person with a belief says:

    I don’t know whypeople believe this is evil or why homosexuals try to change people. Has it ever occurred to you that not everybody has to fit through on mold! People can choose who they are and who they love!!!

    • lut golein says:

      Because… this is evil. Simply.
      What’s so hard to understand in something being evil ?
      Are the mad men in an asylum telling the doctors they’re the mad men ? They are now.

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