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These [vegetables] practically [steam] themselves.
You’ll never [shop at the American Eagle] in this town again.
We’ll always have [toddlers around].
When you [can safely drive home at 11 p.m. on a Friday], the terrorists have already won.
There’s no good way to tell you [about minivans].
Where I come from, that’s called [your first prostate exam].
Sometimes you just gotta [transfer] the [401(k)].
It’s all fun and games until [five years ago].
I’m not going to stand by and watch you [install cabinets in your garage] without me.
My [shirt and tie combinations] eat your [shirt and tie combinations] for breakfast.
A guy walks into a bar and [has to be up in the morning].
I wish I had a nickel for every time I [look at a Crate & Barrel registry].
No one is going to think any less of you for [showing more skin in your match.com profile picture].
You’d be stupid not to [switch investment clubs].
Go ahead, [travel by cruise ship], you deserve it.
If [pregnant sex] is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
There’s no ‘i’ in [30-and-over soccer team].
Clever post. I once did something similar, making use of brackets, in a piece of my own.
Don’t sweat turning thirty, if you are sweating it. I certainly did, but the worst part of it turned out to be the changes not in myself but in people my age who felt impelled to change precisely because they now regarded themselves as “old.” But the big changes have less to do with age and more to do with marriage, reproduction, ownership, etc., and the schedule in those areas is more flexible than conventional wisdom has them. I’ve never felt as I expected to feel at any age, starting with adolescence. But I think some force themselves to feel as they expected to feel, if you see what I mean.
Oh I’m not too worried about it. I was just taking advantage of an opportunity to make fun of myself. Thanks for reading it.