Blue House
Once we lived together in a little blue house
Then we moved together into a big blue house
And you said
Look, baby, I built this for you
And I said
Look, baby, I built this for you
I pointed to my chest
I said
If you ever get tired of living in a blue house
You can live in here
And so you did
I heard Harry Nilsson say
My friend, you’re living in a dream
and nothing is ever as it seems
But I ignored him over and over
Meryl Streep blows Goldie Hawn’s
guts out in Death Becomes Her
Goldie Hawn doesn’t die
She just walks around the pool with this
Big hole in the middle of her body
I can see right through her
Right to the other side
I jump up and down on the couch and
Point at the television shouting
That’s me! That’s me!
I want to listen to that Neil Young song
And I want to hold your face in my hands
And I want to sing
Good to see your face again
And I want to
Really really really
Really really really
Really really really
Mean it
But I don’t mean anything that comes out
Of my mouth anymore
I am just trying to be good and happy
Good Listener
A woman wearing scrubs walks in
She looks around and says
Seven
I stand up from my seat
She says
Follow me
And
Right this way
I am a good listener
I walk behind her
Arms crossed over my belly
Purse dangling from my shoulder
We enter a room
The lights are off
There is a monitor
There is a table
The lights are off
She says
You’ll need to take your pants off and
Get on that table
I say
Okay
I wait for her to leave
I wait for privacy
But she does not leave
She washes her hands
Puts on blue latex gloves
I follow directions
I take my pants off
Slip out of my underwear
Hoist myself up onto the table
Lined with tissue paper
I wish I wore a dress because then I
Could just lift it up or something
Wearing only a t-shirt makes me
feel like a toddler
The lady rubs lube on a wand
She asks
Do you want to hear the heartbeat?
No, no thank you
She says
You’re going to need to scoot down
Closer to me
I follow directions
The tissue crinkles
She inserts the wand into my vagina
It is cold
This is not the first time someone has
Looked inside me for something alive
The woman starts talking
Not to me
To someone named Maria
Who I gather is drawing blood
From number six
In the next room
Everyone seems irritated
I focus on keeping my face
Turned away from the monitor
There are two things
There is embarrassment
And there is discomfort
The woman announces
Ten weeks
And then pulls the wand out of me
as she rolls back on her chair
I am sticky with lube
She says
You can just go ahead and
Wipe yourself with the tissue on the table
I say
Thank you
Because it seems like a response
She nods
Directs me to the next room
Where I assume Maria will take my blood now
And I fucking hate myself
And I just want to go to work
And I want to forget about this morning
And I want to forget about all the things
You said to me
While I sat on the floor of our apartment
And you sat on the couch
Red in the face looking like you might
Pass out because you were out of breath
And I couldn’t breathe either
But not because I was talking
But because I never said anything
I never said anything
I was taught to be polite
So I never said anything
Love Poem
He said, you are a stubborn bitch. But that was last night. The day dragged. Tonight, I sit at a bar alone. There is a well known local poet here. He goes by Wolf or something. His chosen name for himself. One time he read poems to me on my porch. Poems about love. About the end of the world. I don’t remember why he did that. I always forget his name. It was a long time ago. He orders a soda and bitters. I order another Negroni. He looks at me. Tries to place my face maybe. Singer in the song keeps singing, baby baby baby baby I need you baby baby baby baby can’t live without my baby. The bartenders do a stupid little dance together. Clap their hands. They talk shit to each other. Laugh. My friend Bud told me on the phone, I am tired of all these people talking about their past. Talking about how, oh that was the hardest time in my life. He said, one day we will be old and everyone we love right now will be gone so at least we have that to look forward to. More people come in. The people play pool. The people throw darts. They order drinks. They talk. Deep drunk meaningful conversation. About how, oh that was the hardest time in my life.
Good poems!