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* floating
* blindness
* morning naps
* confidently communicating in nonsense
* chewing Lincoln Logs
* building Lincoln Logs
* peeing with pants down around ankles
* concern over no other persons’ well-being but my own
* bedroom
* thumbsucking
* anti-thumbsucking ointment on thumb
* wearing a bullwhip made from leather shoelaces
* believing in Santa Claus
* believing in the Muppets
* believing everything parents said
* believing that Jesus might show up
* closing eyes when washing hair
* insomnia before the first day of school
* cursive
* little erections during the Oscar telecast
* marriage proposal to girl with purple tights on bus
* action figures
* a copy of Playboy Magazine shared, on a monitored rotation, among several friends
* carrying backpack with both straps over shoulders
* Trapper Keepers
* imagining a kiss
* a taste for Pixie Stix
* a taste for army games
* a taste for U2
* incredulity at anyone’s ability to control fast, cumbersome pieces of machinery
* church shoes
* mathematics
* curfews
* home
* imagining sex
* the cello
* Strawberry Hill Boone’s Farm Wine
* indifference to coffee
* indifference to pot
* indifference to time running out
* crushes
* studio art
* assuming words just poured out of me, brilliant and perfectly formed, onto the page
* tape decks
* pre-planned naked events
* isolated utopias
* fear of living in a big city
* nonchalance about money
* Pennsylvania schwag
* invincibility of parents
* invincibility of shrug and grin
* invincibility behind the wheel
* a 1992 white Volkswagen Fox
* dazzling visions of Tinseltown
* seeing a visit to Billy Wilder’s gravesite as a quasi-religious gesture
* having people notice when you do something right
* assuming the world would end any day now
* viewing life as a series of unedited film clips
* dismissing Bob Dylan
* quoting Bob Dylan
* listening to non-bootleg versions of Idiot Wind
* wondering if maybe everyone and everything in the world was just an intricately-crafted illusion that I was destined to find a way to smash through
* thinking I was some kind of genius
* thinking I was some kind of idiot
* thinking I should try to write like William Faulkner
* or John Fante
* thinking loneliness was fine
* seeing a woman engaged to another man as a roadblock
* pining
* stewing
* jogging
* counting irony as an emotion
* a really good job
* English as the only language I’d ever need
* compatriotism
* clothes with the names of pro sports teams on them
* refusal to argue
* delusions of France
* not speaking unless I knew the right and exact phrase
* contraception
* doubt about sterility
* doubt about what would ever become of me
* having nothing to lose
* idle weekends
* uninterrupted nights
* sterilizing the bottles
* all other activities except writing during the morning naps
* explaining to the French why Americans cut food with their forks
* explaining to Americans why there is veal snout on the menu
* trying to correctly pronounce the “ou” sound
* any remnants of being a smooth talker
* keeping a numbered list of every movie ever watched
* keeping a mental list of lifetime highlight moments that somehow one day could go on a reel
* unbending movie opinions
* fixed-rate loans
* being able to dry all tears every time
* riding waterslides solo
* group emails
* 20/20 vision
* eating over half the pizza
* thinking I could be as charming as my wife in social situations
* delusions of America
* peace on earth
* viewing growth as linear
* viewing anything as linear
* insomnia before daughters’ first day of school
* not understanding how to fit legs into purple tights
* fudging a cursive “r”
* needing more affirmation from my parents than my parents needed from me
* seeing home as somewhere else
* believing I could stay away from prayer
* believing I could stop looking for signs
* believing I could stop worrying
* believing in Inspector Clouseau
* believing in David Lynch
* believing I could join a online literary community and not give it too much of my time
* believing in the finality of the end of a story
* believing I could put everything into this list
* reliving that which I supposedly left behind
* smaller magic
* larger lies
* slouching
I love this.
Love its chronological order and the way things repeat in different forms.
It runs like a movie projector – every sentence a full frame. Lovely stuff!
I like your description of it. Thank you. I guess this is what comes out after so many hours sitting in the dark in front of a big screen.
This is wonderful, Nathan. Like Zara, I’m impressed as all hell by its chronological order. And it’s so comprehensive. It goes nicely along with this one:
assuming words just poured out of me, brilliant and perfectly formed, onto the page
Also, what are church shoes?
Also really great:
seeing home as somewhere else
And why do Americans cut food with forks?
because we (Britain) raised you properly
I wonder why we haven’t invented a knife-fork combo like the spork (maybe knork doesn’t have the same ring to it). Still it would cut down on all the unnecessary dishwashing of our unused knives. Soon enough though, I think we Yanks will just put everything on a stick.
all food on a stick.
that’s the dream, right?
Yep, that about sums up the dream. Well, that and free refills.
Thanks, Gloria. Church shoes, in my particular case, were cheap knockoffs of penny loafers. They go with a clip-on tie and a hymnal with swear words scrawled in the back.
I agree. I don’t know why this seems so filmic, but it does. Maybe the way the images flow, both connected and disconnected. I like the believing section, and also the bit about U2! Oh, and counting irony as an emotion. Great!
Thank you. For better or for worse, I’ve been unable to give up having everything come out filmic.
This is great. Or formidable, as they say over there. A story in list form — hard to achieve.
I especially like that, thinking back on it, it’s about halfway between things you’d want to give up (I do not miss bottle sterilization) and things you wouldn’t.
Yes, I tried to balance it out between things I miss and things I don’t. Because I sometimes still feel bereft without a Trapper Keeper, but the bottle sterilization – or more accurately being told everything within twenty feet of the baby needs to be sterilized like it’s open-heart surgery – not so much.
Thanks for your kind comment.
One of the mommies at Back to School Night was carrying a Trapper Keeper folder. I’m so glad they still make them.
On a related topic, I myself still haven’t given up dismissing Bob Dylan (who is, in my limited experience, just as big if not bigger in Europe than he he stateside).
Well then, I need to rush some emergency bootlegs off to you immediately. In the meantime, just don’t go anywhere near the recent Christmas album.
Nathaniel! As usual, a piece from you is not what I expect, and yet, perfect in its unexpectedness.
Merci, m’sieu.
Merci à toi, and for the repost too.
Two things stand out to me as needing remedied immediately: You must believe in Inspector Clouseau, and you must build things with Lincoln Logs.
Great list! I love how it evolves and tells its own story. Clever, clever.
Yes, I mostly had to give up Clouseau because I had watched him so much. He’s probably responsible for helping me with my accent. Lincoln Logs, on the other hand, got replaced at my house with unicorn dreamcastles.
Thanks for your nice comment, Cynthia.
oh my god. breaking my damned heart here. and also cracking me up, which is the best way for a heart to go, I think.
Glad I could do a little bit of both for you. I’ve always found cracking up to be the best way to go.
Brilliant. As Zara noted, the chronological order gives it the whole narrative feel.
Well done, Nat.
Thanks, as always, Joe. I hesitated initially in pushing the narrative too much, but it’s reassuring to hear it worked for you.
Wonderful, Nat.
“* insomnia before the first day of school”
“* insomnia before my daughter’s first day of school”
(How time changes us.) 😉
“* chewing Lincoln Logs”
“* little erections during the Oscar telecast”
“* believing I could join a online literary community and not give it too much of my time”
“* not understanding how to fit legs into purple tights”
“* fudging a cursive “r”
Thank you, Judy. Here’s to that unnamed literary community.
Quite right, Nat. Huge chirs to TNBers!
It’s funny. We think of “giving up” as a negative. But this list is proof positive that that’s only partly true.
Indeed, probably even more than partly true. At times, I’ve come to even appreciate the giving up more than the gaining. Thanks for the comment, Marni.
Anti thumb-sucking ointment. Yeah, we’re going through that right now. Great list. My mother used to paint Tabasco on my sister’s thumb. I also really liked “believing in David Lynch” which is something that I don’t do, but am amazed by in others.
Yes, I’ll always keep that soft spot for Lynch, just like an occasional pang of longing for Pixie Stix. Good luck with the thumb wars. I wonder if Tabasco might have actually encouraged me. Thanks for commenting, Sean.
Really enjoyed the visceral pull here, Nathaniel. But you should never stop believing in Inspector Clouseau. (Insert smiley face emoticon here.)
Thanks, Litsa. It’s possible Clouseau might have fooled me again with one of his clever disguises, one of which includes dressing up like Steve Martin.