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(781): Yes. The answer is no. Shoot, I’m gonna be hurting tomorrow.
(717): I explained that they couldn’t leave the town hall until someone told me how long I’d been unconscious.
(540): Last time I use the word affordable, I can assure you of that. Why is my mouth so dry?
(202): I was at that stage in the evening when I couldn’t tell whose non-connected committee was supporting me.
(910): I told him I felt like keeping my tie on until I was good and finished.
(828): Be there in five. Make sure you’re wearing nothing but the Mitt “handlers.”
(316): We’ll hose that stuff off later. We need to keep moving. The dog is, frankly, the least of our concerns right now.
(415): I’m not gonna stand around and let some guy dressed in black leather lecture me about bonds.
(971): No, I don’t have the faintest idea what state I’m in! All I can tell you is that I’ve had the spins since New Hampshire.
(619): By the time I came to, the primaries were over and I was in some house I’d never even seen before. Then, I’m told that I own the place! What are the odds!
(307): Totally had glitter from the dressage show on my hands during that appearance on Face the Nation.
(313): I will continue to send you the message “Atta girl!” until I get some attention from you.
(719): I can never look the folks from Focus on the Family in the eyes after 2 AM.
(432): Call me crazy, but I’m pretty sure it’s not lying if I deny it before someone accuses me.
(603): It was dark and I’d been muttering into the pillow that those cuts didn’t need to be extended. She paused and then said- Do I even know you?
(774): I’m in no shape to be talking about issues that are social right now.
(781): Once again, you’ve interrupted me during weeping time.
(862): So I told the cop it was 3.7 million. Completely went over his head that I was being ironic.
(212): I’m going to say this one last time- I view hijinks from an economic perspective.
(917): Holy smokes, risk-aversion!
(702): For an evening like this, it’s $10,000 a head. After that…depends what you’re into.
(857): Had the most magical dream. The ticket said Romney/Kerry and the crowd connected with our every word.
(508): I made a promise this morning that I’m never, ever going to let myself feel grounded again.
(334): Every time the guitar kicks up on “Proud to Be An American” I get hit with this incredible epiphany- I’m frightening!!
(801): No worries, bringing the LDS.
(775): I woke with a clown standing next to me, an empty tub of Crisco and all my clothes on except for my flag pin. Gotta get me another one of those.
(310): Kayne told me that humiliating yourself in public makes you popular. Why I am just now finding this out?
(219): We regret to inform you that your termination will be effectively immediately. LOL!
(207): They’re asking me to be myself. Tips?
(802): Perma-grin, again.
(305): Sweet mercy, I’m having the best week ever! No doubt about it- this thing’s a lock!
(734): What d’ya say we stick with complete psychic collapse anyway?
(617): I assume by booty you mean loot?
Mitt Handlers! I gotta run down to Victoria’s Secret and get some right. this. second.
Careful, Sean, the Mitt handlers aren’t for the faint of heart. But you’ll be okay as along as remember the safe word: “job creator.”
You omitted: “Forgot myself and stood too close to a furnace and started to melt.”
The people at the Madam Tussaud’s wax museums must be hoping for a GOP win. Finally, the chance to create something more lifelike than the original.
He could stand at the entrance like a greeter at Walmart — the person, I mean, not the effigy — and if people stuck pins in him, he would never flinch.
You had me at #910, “I told him I felt like keeping my tie on until I was good and finished,” because just for a moment I wondered if I had texted that.
He may very well have texted this, Steve, and by November the phrase may show up on bumper stickers and Tea Party posters. Here’s hoping.
“Call me crazy, but I’m pretty sure it’s not lying if I deny it before someone accuses me.” I will preemptively be using this approach from now on.
Have I mentioned how much I love your lists?
It’s a solid line, Gloria, and it seems to be working for Mitt. Thanks for always getting into these lists of mine.