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From August 16 – 20, Erika Rae, Megan DiLullo, and Slade Ham joined me in Tulsa, Oklahoma to film a documentary about the evolving state of literature and the arts. We also spent a lot of time goofing around like children.
In this short clip, we try to recall TNB authors from memory and struggle to pronounce their names properly. We hope you won’t be too offended if we missed yours. We were very tired. Plus, I was driving, so you can’t blame me.
Brilliant! And you got my name right. And you mentioned Steph!
(Also: Sean’s last name is pronounced BOW-dwin.)
You have to give Erika an “E” for effort. And maybe another “E” for Erika.
Hey, Erika: What sound does an Erika make?
Actually, is that really right either? He told me “bow-dwen”. Arrrrghghblargahahaha!
Bode-when.
On an entirely unrelated note, I just decided that I’m going to call a bunch of people “Sugar Tits” today. I’m feeling all Mel Gibsonny.
I can’t seem to help myself.
Regardless of how it’s spelled, when I see it, my brain thinks/sees/reads/hears “Bedouin.” Like, as in the nomadic desert people of the middle east.
Sean Bedouin. He should just change it to that.
But I also think/see/read/hear “O’Lear” in my head, too. It doesn’t matter how many times I’m told it’s wrong or how few apostrophes are actually in the name.
They should change their name as well.
Right, I meant BOW as in violin, not as in boat. BODE-win, like Richard said.
And Becky, take your apostrophe and shove it up your pa-LAP-uh-luh. ; )
It took me three tries to understand why BOW as violin was pronounced differently than boat. Hahahaha.
Clearly I have no business debating serious literature with you, Greg.
But he just told me it’s “DWEN” not “DWIN”. We’re all wrong. ha HA!
Becky – I so want to change out name. Apparently, it used to have a “j” – as in Olejar and someone in Greg’s lineage dropped the silent “j”. And with a cute little accenty thing that I can’t find on the keyboard over the “j”.
But Greg won’t do it, because of his fame and stardom as Olear.
I can’t tell y’all how gratifying it is to be parsed. But, as I mentioned to Ms. Rae, can you possibly imagine how much shit I had to swallow on the playground for this albatross of a name? A while back a bunch of friends used to call me “Easy”, one of those hilarious opposite nicknames, like calling the drooling galoot “Tiny”. Anyway, back then I thought long and hard about using Easy A. Pye as a permanent pen name.
Sort of glad now I didn’t.
If it had the silent j in it, I can guarantee you that I’d pronounce it right.
The j would provide the linguistic clue I need. My brain works like that. It has an anglophone spelling, so I give it an anglo pronunciation. He shouldn’t be mad at me just because I can READ. *sob*
Then again, I suspect one one of Greg’s ancestors got sick of being called “Ol’ Jar.”
I worked the drive-thru at McDonald’s when they introduced the chicken fajitas, back in 89 or 90. One man came in and said, “I’d like the chicken fudge-itis, please.” This is what Americans do with romance-language “j”s.
Well, I’m an American, and I wouldn’t do it. It’s placement tells me that it’s not an anglo “j.”
And it’s not a “Romance Language ‘j’.” The Latin alphabet has no “j,” and it’s the original romance language. Italian has no “j.”
Spanish does, and French does, but they’re pronounced totally differently, and I’m not sure where it comes from. Whatever it is, it’s freakish.
Oops. Its.
Whatever the linguistic rationale, I’d be Greg Oh-luh-Jar. No thanks.
Not to me, Greg.
I’m going to call you Shakes O’Malley.
You are determined to, ahem, stack the cards against me.
Ahem.
Ruddy O’Toole.
On an unrelated note, I’m listening to AC/DC right now and I love their crunchy guitars.
I loathe AC/DC.
I’m partial to Neil Diamond’s “Crunchy Granola Suite.”
Of course we mentioned Steph!
How could we not.
Wow – I’m quite giddy that I was included.
This may even make up for not being one of the cool kids in high school.
Seriously, take that bad jerky girls who didn’t invite me to that trip to Boston – take that!!
Love you guys!!
Well, Steph. Either we’re all the really uncool kids, or the cool kids. But I don’t think it matters, we have each other.
XO
I’ve always wondered how his last name was pronounced. I thought maybe it was like bo-dwin. Something frenchy.
tragically the sound isn’t working on this computer… I can’t wait to find one that does.
This better live up to the Star Wars video!
This is like the Star Wars video except we took the original film and digitally added a bunch of shiny aliens.
Also, now Greedo shoots first.
I like that I got the Risky Business treatment with Slade’s sunglasses when my name came up.
Sheesh.
Now I have to write another Victor story!
Why not just film Victor sliding across the hardwood floor in his underwear and socks and then post a YouTube link? I’m sure that would go over well.
Yeah, well, Richard,
it would be a waste of a YouTube for Victor.
Mostly he sits.
He doesn’t hardly move.
You don’t need video for that.
Video him sleeping bent in half onto something.
Give him an Ambien and then video him sleepwalking.
Hell, you could make a whole series: get him to a public place, dose him, and then record the ensuing pandemonium. Fun for the whole family!
Oh my god!
I love that idea. Can we take our documentary crew to Miami and make a movie about Victor?
Absolutely!
We have plenty of room and it’s really nice here now!
We can just put an ambien in his one tiny glass of wine and he’s over the moon.
(I will have to wear preventative apparel, however.
Like a chastity belt.
But one that covers all of me.
I’m sure I can get one on the internet before you come,
I have to maintain decorum, for the sake of my kids!)
Ambien + wine. Sounds like a great idea for a story.
Oh boy.
I’m so there. Matt Baldwin, you have a winner there. I’m not sure if the documentary would be more about Victor on ambien or Irene deflecting his romantic advances, though. Both could be highly entertaining.
See… I told ya I liked ya, Duke.
Say my name, Bitch!
You should have seen all the flutes the girls at ORU were carrying around in their knapsacks.
Becky Palapalapalapalapalalalalalalala!
Hilarious!
I would have liked to have heard Slade or Coxy do a really breathy Greg Olear, like Marilyn Monroe singing “Happy Birthday” to JFK.
Yeah – why didn’t that make the cut, boys?
“Hhhappy Birth-day to you!…” It was so cool how you guys never dropped eye contact with each other….
Only in your dreams, Alpha Girl.
That’s exactly how I say it when I give my name to the bank teller lady on the phone.
Then she’s like, “What???? How do you spell that?”
And I’m like, “Just like it sounds.”
There were four or five clips of us saying your name like that but I tried to keep the video to one mention each. Your name is fun to say.
People seem to enjoy it. So much so that I’m scared it may usurp my actual nickname. Which I am not revealing here.
Whatever. Spill it.
I don’t think your nickname could possibly stack up to Palapalapalapalapalapalapa, Becky, could it? ; )
Hmmm…what say you, Becky?
Yeah. I realized that.
*sigh*
We missed so many awesome people!!! Marni Grossman! Don Mitchell! Angela Tung! Justin Benton! Megan Powers! Jennifer D White! Claire Bidwell Smith! Susan Henderson! Tao Lin! Will Entrekin! James Irwin! Oh, it’s horrible how many others we left out. Robin Antalek! Todd Zuniga! I have to stop.
Okay. Someone said “Jennifer White” and “Claire Bidwell Smith.”
I’m pretty sure.
Either that or I accidentally took acid this morning.
Becky,
I accidentally left my brain in Sweden!
We are SO alike!
No one said those names. I think Becky definitely took acid this morning.
No – Becky’s right. I heard Jenny White this last time through. But Claire! How did we miss Claire?
They’re both in there. I was just giving Becky a hard time. Claire is at 2:25 – 2:26. You can hear me say it in the background. 🙂
sniff..
I know Don, I know. Actually, I’m certain your name was said, but I think it must not have made it through editing – or it possibly it didn’t make it on camera. Megan and I had a whole discussion about how cool you and Ruth are, at any rate. I think this happened to quite a few authors. Whatever the case, I remember thinking of you along with many, many others. Ack. I HATE leaving cool people out. Argh!
haha, don, your comment made me laugh.
there are so many TNB writers, i can’t imagine remembering them all!
Oh, and Sean. I would like to publicly apologize for massacring your name. I am SO embarrassed. Hahaha
That’s one of the funniest parts!
No apology necessary. Would have been fun to have been in that car, letting you guys wend your way through the possibilities.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Richrob, you’re so fun!!!
Not as fun as you, Rock Star.
That was awesome possum!
Loved Erika’s valiant attempts at Sean’s last name.
And so stoked that I got called out by the most metal of them all!
Well done, guys! I can only imagine what kind of legendary shenanigans went on that weekend. Glad so much has been preserved on film.
Btw- I forward Slade’s Bantha thing to my Star Wars geek buddy. He was awed by the accuracy of the audio.
“Loved Erika’s valiant attempts at Sean’s last name.”
Heh. Last weekend my husband asked me what I was reading, and I responded, “Sean Beau.. bwah… bedou, I have nofuckingidea how to pronounce, it but he’s on The Nervous Breakdown.”
“Oh, cool.”
I know, right? The four of us together couldn’t figure it out.
People’s names should be written phonetically.
For real.
Ours are. We rock. IrenefuckingZion! Hahaha.
It was a privilege, Joe Daly!!!!
You can edit your comments on someone else’s post? What are you, the Wizardress of Oz?
Who me?
I sure can. I can even edit your comments. So be nice.
You were supposed to notice how observant I was.
For a community gathered under the banner of “thenervousbreakdown” we seem awfully cheerful. Where did Brad get that handle anyway?
Shall I growl your name next time?
Is that what sound a Brin Friesen makes? Growwwwlll?
Hahahaha – Brin, um, just so you know, he’s making fun of me, not you. I sort of have a thing with animal noises.
Richrob – You’re the best for putting this together. SO COOL.
Well you, Erika, were the driving force behind turning our comments into a real weekend. And anyway thanks to the three of you for driving so far to see me. It was awesome.
Ah shucks – I can’t take all the credit there and you know it.
I think almost all of you are using assumed names anyway.
Slade Ham?*
Richard Cox?
C’mon fellas, you can tell us your real names.
*One day I was telling a friend how funny you are (we were out at a bar with no technology at hand) and she told me I was gullible and there was no way that was your real name. WTF?
Nope. It’s his real name. More real than mine, anyway. ( : (Rae is my middle name)
Oh, and Slade’s is real, too. Yep, they’re just that cool.
That’s so funny, I was about to ask you that! Are all the girls in your family Rae’s?
Not only is it my real name, but it’s also my dad’s real name. I mean, he had it for 25 years before he shared it with me. Really??
(If you’re reading, Dad, I’m totally proud to share your name.)
I got Rae from my Dad, whose middle name was Ray. His Uncle’s name was Ray. As a kid, I was mortified that I had a boy name for a middle. Haha. So, no – neither of my two sisters have Rae in their names.
Ooh! I have a boy’s middle name, too!
@Dana,
There is NO WAY that those two are actually named what they say.
I completely agree with you!
Also – yayy! I love to hear you guys talk and hear all the laughs!
We seriously couldn’t stop. My ribs hurt when I went home! They are all seriously so amazing and funny and smart and kind. I was so lucky to have hijacked that trip. hahahaha
I still don’t understand why you drive on the wrong side of the road.
But you are all so beautiful and lovely, it makes me smile.
As for name pronunciation – the one that gets me in Ronlyn Domingue. It’s apparently pronounced Do-Mang.
Cute as all hell.
Love,
Zid.
Ah, ZaraPotts! We drive on the wrong side of the road simply to confound you. It’s our FAVORITE thing to do! Surely you must know this by now?
I am unconfoundable. Don’t you know this by now?!?
Ha Ha. You Americans and your funny HUMOUR.
Our humor is the best flavor, ZaraPotts. I wouldn’t lie, ZaraPotts. I have great honor.
Asphalt.
Say it, Matt. Say it properly. Then say Aluminium.
Ass-fault.
A-loo-min-um.
Wai-ta-min-oo-tay.
Autumn Kindlespire may be the best name a real person has ever had.*
But you forgot IRWIN. Tch.
“Coxy” always makes me think of these chaps: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imOt19j8K4U
*although I had a flatmate called Rainbow Blue Nelson, and I was at university with Verity Onions
Not only may it be the best real name, but check out Erika saying it with such enthusiasm (and hair in her face). Perfect.
Aack – I was being attacked by my hair! Dang windows. hahahaha
Nicely proposed, COXY!
I thought of you, too, Steve. So bummed your name got left off. Serious penance I’m in for.
Nooo worries, I really didn’t expect to be in there. It’s time I stopped feeling like a n00b (my 1st TNB anniversary’s coming up), but I don’t contribute or participate nearly as much as I’d like to.
(Blah blah whinge disabled blah) but everything – everything – takes so long that I only manage to write, read or comment sporadically. I mean, it takes a couple of days just to reply to a dozen comments, but I insist on doing a proper job.
Anyway, got to go, my Yorkshire puddings are ready.
You make pudding? YUM!!!
I’m pretty sure you were mentioned, as were a bunch of others. It’s just not in this clip.
When can we come over for pudding?
Please tell me it’s aspartame mousse.
It’s almost certainly not the type of pudding you’re thinking of. Although I think you’d find it at worst perplexing, unlike black pudding which frightens most people.
James did a good piece on Brit food. Please hold…
…Your call is important to us…
…Thank you for holding.
“I love Yorkshire pudding like you wouldn’t believe. It’s the epitome of stodge. It’s amazing, just fantastic.” – James D. Irwin
They’re um…a sort of batter thing. Savoury. Like an edible bowl, made of sort-of pancake material. Oh dear, my descriptive powers have fallen over. Sorry.
Aspartame mousse? That sounds like something that should go in your hair, or your wall cavities.
Roast beef and Yorkshire pudding. Delightful especially on a Sunday.
‘Appen*
*yes
My sister in law makes an aspartame aspic that is to die for.
Like really, for dying. The dog won’t eat it. It knows better.
Aspartame aspic? In terms of nutrition and enjoyment, a glass of water seems like a better bet.
this is a great video! especially my name! i love the part with my name!!!
I think I said your name. And then Megan said “Hi.”
Or at least that’s how it turned out after a few hours of editing.
Is it looooory
or laurie?
oh, you know, whatever. i think i say loory to rhyme with story. but i hear it different from different people and really they all sound the same. the only way i don’t like it is when people say it really slow and separate it into two different words so it sounds like they’re saying LOU REED. which is weird, because i actually kind of like lou reed. the mind is a very strange place.
Like, when they turn it into an Asian name? Ben-lu Ri?
yeah, i guess? it’s hard to figure out these sounds based on letters on the page. though i have to say, Ben-lu Ri makes it look like i’m from the planet krypton. which is cool.
Wait, a “lorry” is a British truck. Ben Lorry? Nah. You drive a Mustang. Yet you seem able to carry quite a load.
I’ll stop there.
Look at me now, Ma!
Here’s looking at you, kid.
I made it! I finally made it! Screw you everyone who said I’d never been someone one day!
*be* someone. Shit.
you were so close!!
For that typo I’m going back to the video and deleting your name. Next time put your game face on, Jeffro.
If you must. No worries. I have already created an mp3 version of this through Audacity and will be sending a CD copy out to all of my former teachers and enemies who doubted me that says on the front in black Sharpee simply, “Suck it!”
hahahaha – You’re awesome, Jeffrey Pillow.
LOVE it! Can’t explain why it was fun to watch (a bunch of people sitting around naming other people, doesn’t seem like it would be interesting) but it was. It was strangely fun to watch.
Now you need to put it to music the way those people (who are those people?!) did with the Double Rainbow song.
“…a bunch of people sitting around naming other people, doesn’t seem like it would be interesting…”
Especially when we missed yours! One of the numerous glaring omissions. I blame the passengers in the car (although I read all your posts so I suppose I can’t cop out on this one, much as I would like to.)
Thank you for taking the time to watch. 🙂
How did I miss this unbelievable thread? From Venice Beach, California to Italian can-canning to breast cream? Ya’ll are amazing.
Ah, but I’m barely an omission. I see myself as a side-liner here, one of the chorus girls. You, my friend, and most the others you named, are the true stars!
Hardly. You’re one of our biggest selling authors, no? And anyway you’re the No. 7 Breast Cream girl. I should go back and splice in your name and then do some subliminal one-frame shots of breasts and/or cream.
You are so not a chorus girl. You’re not even a supporting player. You’re above-the-title, JAB.
1. You, Greg, are a better writer than J.F.
2. I really am a chorus girl. When you cruise through this beautiful site there are all these amazing, voices front and center, doing the Big Show. And then I pop up every now and then, the chorus girl with half my breasts hanging out, desperately doing the can-can as I scan the audience hoping that just one person will look at me, look at me!
3. If there are TNB plans for Venice, Italy, I will don my can-can skirt and bustier and board the next plane. Who’s planning this trip? Who is the official TNB travel agent?!
Did someone say Venice? Make it spring of 2012 and I’ll meet you all there, though I’ll ask Jessica to keep her can-canning breasts to herself. My son isn’t quite two and is already shaping up to be a horndog. We’ll have a hard (heh) enough time managing him around all the 2D fresco boobage. At least he won’t be old enough to snicker over the “Palazzo Labia”.
I lived in Venice whenever they were rioting in Trieste.
My brother was always falling in the canals.
I never did.
I’ve always been the smarter one,
although the opposite was assumed since he was the golden boy
and I was collateral miscalculation.
Wait.
I think I’m asleep now.
Never mind.
JAB:
1. Thanks.
2. Lovely as your metaphor is, I disagree. Your name is on the marquee.
3. I don’t know, but the can-can skirt and bustier should be mandatory for all participants. (And now I have that old Shop Rite jingle in my head: Can can can can Shop Rite is the very best)
Okay, it looks like we’ve got a trip planned to Venice!
Maybe we should turn this into our convention and then we can all deduct it from our taxes. I’m going to look into some blocks of rooms in hotels. Andrew, prepare the 2-yr-old ’cause we are all going to be wearing our can-can suits as we lounge at the Lido!
HILARIOUS! Splice away!
Jessica, I am ashamed you are not in there. On the other hand, perhaps you would have been ashamed to BE in there. Hahahaha.
I think Slade’s rearview mirror angle was a nice touch.
Let’s bring this party to Venice Beach in summer 2011.
Zara needs to make another mini-movie.
Venice Beach would be great; Venice, Italy, would be ever better…
If we can swing by France on the way, I’m there.
I love it when you say my name, Rich.
While driving the Miss Daisies, no less.
I just watched it a second time. This all seems like a ridiculous amount of fun. So stoked you all got to do this. When is the video coming out?
As soon as we write the script and edit the hours of footage into an award-winning masterpiece.
Like, any day now.
i wanna be in that car so badly.
You could start your own car Lenore…
Get outta my dreams and into my car, Lenore.
Yeah… I didn’t really contribute much. I just sat in the front seat working the camera and acting like a child 🙂
What an awesome weekend.
Rutta rutta…
Not a Morning Train…
Not a Big Wheel…
Not a Rast Tlain to Crarksville… izza rocomotive with a rot of lice
Not a Midnight Tlain to Georgia…
Tremendous! I’m so happy to hear my name Dixied-out!
I got positively geeked-out happy when my name came up.