Anna was a metaphysical meteorologist. Could always predict whenever my heart’s weather was nearing rain.

Jen was born under the sign of an electric guitar. She could turn me up. Turn me on. Did anything but turn me down.

Doris took everything that wasn’t nailed to the floor or superglued to my conscience.

Kelly would cage me. Let me roam wild in her heavy-petting zoo.

Fiona was my judge, jury and executioner. She never inflicted a painful death; more like the death of all my pain.

Certain things about certain women I’ve known…

Ashley was a blizzard in a box.

Heidi was a socially conscious super-ninja activist; an eco-friendly beauty, jamming crowbars into the phantom gears of ignorance & greed.

Justine’s skin was brushed clean by the winds of myth. Her love was clear, true & fearless.

As for Dara: everything about her glittered. Even her smallest of afterthoughts: mother of pearl.

Victoria had a brain as sharp as the devil’s toothpick.

Allison had a libido like a busted-up piano. Any key you hit, nothing happened.

Certain things about certain women I’ve known…

Desiree was the antidote to gravity.

Alicia preferred specificity over brevity. If I were a shrink, I would’ve diagnosed her manic confessive.

Jaida subsisted only on a diet of rainwater & fairy tales. She eventually lost herself to the skies; became a lyrical, ever-changing cloud.

Gloria was a gothic nihilist. Dark as crow omen, death & destruction were her mother tongue.

Alexia was lovely as a Monet lily.

Debra was heroin and a slow train to Paris.

Certain things about certain women I’ve known…

Julie was a loaded gun in the house of faith.

Kadence was crazy as Armageddon off its meds.

Caitlin’s heart could flood with such feelings that no ark, no matter the size, could save all the wild animal emotions trapped inside her.

With Saturn for a third eye, Esther’s perceptions were heaven-sent. She was the Big Bang in reverse: the entirety of the universe gathered itself like a small child into the womb of her every word.

Just below Angela’s lips was a door marked Eternity. “Kiss me,” she’d say, “Then let’s fall into forever.”


And now, bring on the music…
Certain Things About Certain Women I’ve Known

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RICH FERGUSON has performed nationally, and has shared the stage with Patti Smith, Wanda Coleman, Exene Cervenka, T.C. Boyle, Jerry Stahl, Bob Holman, Loudon Wainwright, Ozomatli, and many other esteemed poets and musicians. He has performed on The Tonight Show, at the Redcat Theater in Disney Hall, the New York City International Fringe Festival, the Bowery Poetry Club, South by Southwest, the Santa Cruz Poetry Festival, Stephen Elliott’s Rumpus, and with UK-based poetry collective One Taste. He is also a featured performer in the film, What About Me? (the sequel to the double Grammy-nominated film 1 Giant Leap), featuring Michael Stipe, Michael Franti, k.d. lang, Krishna Das, and others. He has been published in the LA TIMES, Opium Magazine, has been widely anthologized, spotlighted on PBS (Egg: The Art Show), and was a winner in Opium Magazine’s Literary Death Match, LA. His spoken word/music videos have been featured at poetry film festivals throughout the world. Ferguson is a Pushcart-nominated poet, and a poetry editor at The Nervous Breakdown. His poetry collection 8th & Agony has been published by L.A.’s Punk Hostage Press.

23 responses to “Certain Things About Certain Women I’ve Known (In Words & Sound)”

  1. Jeffro says:

    Great day in the morning Wilt Chamberlain. Look at you with all those ladies.

    • Jeffro:

      Mind you, I didn’t sleep with all these ladies. Some have simply moved through my life, inspiring me in one way or another. Even the oddest and briefest of experiences have taught me some mighty fine lessons. All these women, for one reason or another, have been a blessing to me.

      • Jeffro says:

        Ha. I know man. I’m just messing with you. I think this was a beautiful tribute. It’s always a breath of fresh air to see someone have the courage to talk positively about individuals they once were in a relationship with and no more. It’s so easy to go the other way, you know?

        • Sometimes way too easy to go the other way, brother. Best to try and learn something from the situation.

          Heck, even when things go completely South and are crap, something positive can be learned from that as well.

  2. Irene Zion says:

    Rich, I agree with Pillow. How can there have been so many significant ladies in your life?
    (Poor Allison.)

  3. A wondrous litany of beauty to behold.

    “Skin brushed clean by the winds of myth” – I believe I’ve met this woman before. If only the seekers on online dating sites could keep their heads in the clouds and hearts in their hands like the poets.

  4. Dana says:

    “Allison had a libido like a busted-up piano. Any key you hit, nothing happened.”

    Poor Allison.

    Certain things…. nice!

  5. jmblaine says:

    Oh for
    Crazy chicks
    named Kadence
    as apocalyptic Cheerios.

    Rich Ferguson
    old friend
    I miss you

  6. milo martin says:

    as Chris Tannahill would say, “FUCK YOU!”
    i wish i woulda written this piece…
    a definitive poem in your life, methinks…
    every line great…
    in only the way you can muster it…

    much respect,

    • Hah! Good one, Milo. Yeah, I do seem to remember Tannahill saying that to me once or twice. And I do remember saying that to him once or twice as well.

      Thanks so much for the kind words, brother. They mean the world to me, especially coming from you: Poet Supreme of the Overhead Projector.

      Shine on, shine on.

  7. Erika Rae says:

    So fun, Rich. Nice to hear from you. Now what I want to know is…what would a collection of their perceptions of YOU look like. (That would be fun, wouldn’t it?)

    Antidote to gravity is nice.

    • Hello, Lovely Erika. Thanks for stopping by, my dear. TNB is always a better place with you around. And yes, it would be quite interesting to see what those ladies thought of me. Definitely something to ponder. Another one for the category of “Things That Make You Go Hmmm…”

  8. Rich Boucher says:

    “a loaded gun in the house of faith”

    Maybe my favorite image in here.

  9. Janine Adair Kohanim says:

    I can’t decide if my favorite line is “Justine’s skin was brushed clean by the winds of myth.” or “Jaida subsisted only on a diet of rainwater & fairy tales.” Such appropriately whimsical, poetic playmates! Nice music version, as well.

    • Hi Janine: Thanks so very much for stopping by to read the piece. And thanks for *listening* too. I’m thinking that part of the piece was missed by many. So glad you enjoyed. Take good care.

  10. Eh up Rich. Late as always, I’ve only just listened to your performance at the San Diego TNB Experience, with the piece about how to become an urban legend. Ace! Reminded me of – now I don’t know if you know this bloke, or he’s REALLY well known and I’m being an idiot – John Cooper Clarke. Plenty of ranting, very funny, I definitely L’ed OL several times.

    What actually became of Jaida, when she “…lost herself to the skies; became a lyrical, ever-changing cloud”?

    • Hey Steve: Thanks for reading. As for John Cooper Clarke, not familiar with him. I look forward to checking him out. Thanks for the heads up. As for Jaida, she’s still floating around…

  11. UK “punk poet” John Cooper Clarke (b. 1949); his most famous piece, Evidently Chickentown, is very NSFW – The Sopranos ended its penultimate episode with a thoroughly cleaned-up version. As he says, “My swearbox doubles as a high-yield pension scheme.”

    Here we are.

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