- Next Week: Romney lashes out against himself in orgy of thoughtless mouth-leaking.
TAGS: Big mitt, books, China, jazz, RNC, shovels and rope, TV
| SEAN BEAUDOIN's latest novel is Wise Young Fool. His stories and articles have appeared in numerous publications including the Onion, the San Francisco Chronicle and Spirit, the in-flight magazine of Southwest Airlines. www.seanbeaudoin.com. |
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There’s a billion dollars yet to spend to put Mitt on the throne, er, in the White House. They have to say something, and they’re going to say it, loudly and frequently, over the next six weeks.
A billion dollars doesn’t buy you reach around from Cheney these days. Mitt needs to get into the trillion strata…
Speaking of Peyton Manning’s dead ringer (pun intended), every time I receive my copy of the University of Virginia alum magazine, I can’t help but notice his identical twin from 105 years ago. Tell me you can’t figure out which one I’m referring to: https://hoosonline.virginia.edu/atf/cf/%7B990F1CA0-BFA2-4AC0-90E0-C5E96DA56648%7D/Frontpg.jpg
Sean Penn at 9 o’clock? Duke Haney under the Banana drum? Peyton and his massive head at 3 o’clock?
No, no man. Peyton Manning at 8 o’clock. Slight comb over and all. Right there in the left corner with the slouched throwing shoulder, grimacing at the mouth from his latest neck injury.
As for Duke, Duke you there? It may very well be one of his descendants considering his Charlottesville roots. Let’s get him on the message board.
You rang? Or should I opt for a metaphorical role other than “the butler”? A genie, maybe? A departed relative at a seance? Omniscient Dust?
Anyway, no one of my bloodline ever attended UVa, though a few worked there, one in a custodial position, tending Mr. Jefferson’s lawn, while others cleaned bedpans at University Hospital, where I myself pushed wheelchairs and rolled gurneys. Maybe I should reconsider my verbs; no criminality is inferred with “push” and “roll.” No, I was something of a hospital rickshaw driver, which is the best that can be expected of a hillbilly, though I tried to subvert the caste system by dressing like a physician — and was actually taken for one a few times.
Just started watching “The Black Power Mixtape 1967-1975,” by the way, though I’ll have to pause it so I can rise early to toil for The Man.
Let me know what you think of the doc. I am halfway through a compendium of Stokley Carmichael’s speeches. Fascinating stuff….
Also, “Hillbilly Rickshaw Roller” is my favorite Butthole Surfers tune….
I don’t know it. I never paid much attention to the Butthole Surfers, to my detriment.