Please explain what just happened.
Revolution, in my mind.
What is your earliest memory?
I’ve discussed this with my mom several times in the past.It seems that I continue to remember things further and further back.I’m some sort of memory savant.I remember making my parents reschedule my fourth birthday party because it conflicted with Scooby Doo.I also remember the girl across the street sticking her hand in my cake at my first birthday party.I’m not even sure if that’s possible, but I do.Her name was Melanie, and as far as I’m concerned, that little hooker still owes me a cake.Apparently all my early memories are birthday related.
If you weren’t a comedian what other profession would you choose?
I’m conflicted on this one.I wanted to be a bounty hunter for a while, then a Jedi, which is obvious by my lightsaber infused Gravatars. Now I just want to be a ninja. I am one already, but I’m ready for the public to respect me for my skills. I’m still working on the money aspect.
Please describe the current contents of your refrigerator.
Lots of vegetables, ground turkey, soy milk. All that crap belongs to my marathon running roommate though.I won’t touch any of that stuff.I’m pretty sure there are some bratwursts and a six pack of Guinness in there that belongs to me.
What verb best describes you?
What would you say to yourself if you could go back in time and have a conversation with yourself at age thirteen?
Um, I’m sorry that I’m the one they sent back to talk to you.They should have waited a few years and sent the “me” that’s made it.It’s going to get a lot worse before it gets better, but it’s going to be a really fun fuckin’ ride.Even the suckiest of parts are going to be filled with some really great people.More than anything though, take all that aggressive energy and intelligence and desire, and take some bigger leaps than I did.Oh, and there’s this girl named Angie that… nah, never-mind.You’ll meet her when you’re eighteen.There’s probably not a lot you can do differently.
What are the steps you take to regain your composure?
When I’m in the middle of insanity I perform incredibly well.As soon it’s over, however, I disappear.I go totally AWOL.That could mean holed up at home or out camping in the mountains somewhere for a few days.Isolation does a very good job of re-centering me.
It seems so typical to say “doing what you love to do”.Ultimately I think it’s probably closer to finding a way to be a vital part of something bigger than yourself.That, and always having access to Fudge Stripe cookies.
From what or whom do you derive your greatest inspiration?
Music, music, music.I have 25,000 songs in my iTunes and cannot imagine functioning without them.Whether it’s Rise Against or The Bronx thumping in my earbuds before I walk on stage, Michael Franti on a road trip, Led Zeppelin (the greatest band in the history of ever), or Mozart’s Requiem while I write, there is a soundtrack to every aspect of my life.When I’m writing, I gravitate towards music that is either instrumental or in a language I can’t understand because I don’t like being influenced by lyrical content in my creative process.I listen to a lot of world music too, for that very reason.
What change do you want to be in the world?
I want to find a way to travel and show people that we’re not totally different from one another.I’m not arrogant enough to believe that I can “change” the world, but I would like to impact some of the people in it.Even the worst of humanity laughs.Sure, sometimes it’s a maniacal laugh and borne of mental illness, but it remains one of the things we share as a people regardless of our culture or background.If there were any really good terrorist comedians, those people would blow up a lot less coffee shops.Someone needs to start an open mic in Kabul.
Are you pro- or anti-emoticon? Please explain.
I use them a lot.More than I should.Mainly because I type some horribly inappropriate things and you can’t always catch the sarcasm or playfulness in what I’m saying, i.e. “I hope you get testicular cancer in your mouth 🙂 ”See how the smiley helps?
How are you six degrees from Kevin Bacon?
I spent a few days in Africa this past year with Christian Slater, who was in Murder in the First with Kevin Bacon.
What makes you feel most guilty?
Misleading people.I don’t do it often, precisely because of how bad I feel about it.
Please list three things you never leave home without.
My iPod, my sunglasses, my Blackberry.I even take my sunglasses with me at night.I won’t wear them, but it’s nice to have them in the off chance I don’t make it home.Nothing hurts worse at 8:00 am than unfiltered sunlight.
What is the worst piece of advice you’ve ever gotten?
“Get your degree first, then you can go try all that stuff you really want to do.”I didn’t listen to it, thank God.I knew a Civil Engineering degree wasn’t going to work for me, and in hindsight I’m really glad I recognized that when I did.
What is the best advice you’ve ever given to someone else?
“Jump.”I don’t give safe advice, mainly because I think so little good comes from safe choices.
What do you consider the harshest kind of betrayal?
Silence.It’s the cruelest thing you can give to a person that you love.To disappear and intentionally leave someone with unanswered questions is either completely careless or completely heartless.Either way, you’re betraying the relationship.
Of all the game shows that have graced our TV screens throughout history, which one would you want to be a contestant on and why?
Rock N’ Roll Jeopardy.Hands down.I challenge anyone, anywhere, anytime.Except for that Ken Jennings guy…I do know a ridiculous amount of random uselessness about music though.
What do you want to know?
Hmmmm.There are so many things.How I manage to like almost every film Keanu Reeves is in despite the fact that he is such a horrible actor.How Meat Loaf and Marilyn Manson come up with such clever song titles.Oh, and I’d like to know what’s out “there”.I really want to travel in space and see exactly how wrong we’ve all been about what the aliens look like.
What would you like your last words to be?
Please explain what will happen.
Revolution, outside of my mind.I think we’re reaching a tipping point as a people and someone soon is going to figure out a way to push that snowball down the cliff face.That is, of course, if the Mayan calendar doesn’t kill us all first.